I have improved so much, with the help of many people, I almost achieved full recovery one month ago, but then I lost it

[ilovesudokus]

I have made many posts on many sites like this and forums with other accounts talking about my cognitive problems and seeking help, I started getting a treatment in the latest months of 2018, which was more than 1 and a half years ago, I have improved so much since then, I feel so much better, I am much more motivated, I have many goals in life and ambitions that I want to achieve, I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a very long time, whereas before I used to think about ending my life every day, because I used to feel that my life was worse than being in hell, this time I am not seeking answers from strangers on the internet, this time I am not seeking help from strangers, I just want to share with you how much I have advanced since I started my treatment, I used to have no real goals in life, now I have many of them, I want to achieve great and difficult things, I want to be a very important person, maybe you will think that I am not being realistic or that I am crazy, but I want to do so many things with my life, one of the things I want to do is that I want to learn to make music using software, and then I want to start releasing my music on the internet, and I want to be a very famous music producer, the genre of music I like is electronic music, I admire guys like Flume, Kygo and The Chainsmokers, I am 21 years old by the way, maybe if I was older I would like other types of music, I also want to start studying a career related to things like brain damage and cognitive rehabilitation, and I want to get a masters degree and a Phd, and become a very important and well known researcher on these topics, I am gonna have to learn to write better than I do now if I want to achieve that, I would also like to do something else, like having a youtube channel where I would talk about movies, TV shows, video games, and entertainment in general, I like many youtube channels that talk about these things like the channel Beyond the trailer, I also like politics and I would like to have a channel where I talk about that, but I think that politics are so divisive, that no matter what you say you are going to get a lot of haters, so I think I am not going to talk about politics. I used to be afraid of the future all the time, because my life was so terrible that I knew that the next day was always going to be bad, but now I don't feel like that, I am very excited about the future and about the life I am going to have, obviously I also want to do the things that everyone wants to do, like getting a partner, in my case a girlfriend, and getting married, and having my own house, right now I live with my parents, I think that the things I want to achieve are very very difficult, but over the last few years my life has been extremely difficult anyway so I am prepared to work very very hard, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and I have been given medications to treat my problems, my biggest problems have had to do with language comprehension, I have said many times that I have aphasia, but everyone else tells me that I don't, it's difficult for me to understand things, and that's not because I'm dumb, because according to some evaluations I have taken my IQ is of 117, I also didn't have a typical brain injury, I have been told by my psychiatrists that my mental illness has caused some type of microscopical damage to my brain, I just want to recover my abilities, to be able to do the things I want to do, I have seen many people with severe brain injuries who recover their abilities and their lives, I don't know if I have a brain injury, but I want to recover just like those people. One month ago I was undestanding everything extremely well, I was understanding probably around 95% of what I heard and read, that lasted for about 3 days, but then I lost it, and my comprehension isn't so good right now, I just want to feel like I felt 1 month ago, but now that I know that it's possible to recover and understand things again, I feel much more positive.

[Fificakes2]

That’s great that even when things are going badly, you can still remember that you have been better. It’s hard to stay positive and when recovery goes up and down, it’s even harder.

[AndrewT]

Dear ilovesudokus,

There is, or was, a Very Interseting 'Graphic' circulating around Headway Essex some years back. I believe it Originated from 'elswhere', maybe even Headway National.

The Image depicted a 'Tree', with Branches at every level, people were sitting on the various 'Branches' looking both up and down. The 'TOP', of the tree was Full Recovery- 'Normal' as before.... The Bottom, of the tree, was the Brain Injury itself. The Branches inbetween, the Recovery Process. Some Branches looked, at first glance, like they were at the Top....until you looked 'More Closely'- I think you were on Such A Branch.

You, like us ALL, are 'Getting There Slowly', it takes TIME- and lots of it. Take a 'look' Down, that Tree, look How Far You Have Come.... You ARE 'Doing' well! Think about, but don't 'Dwell On', what you can't acheive- at the moment, that is.....

Someone who I know, from Headway, was 'talking' to me earlier in the year- before Covid- and asked me 'How I Thought' he was Progressing. I replied that, only a few months before, he wouldn't have been able to 'even ask' that question. I went on to say that he seemed 'More Confident', in himself and seemed, far more, 'Forward' than he had been Last year.

I'm certainly NOT, often asked, this sort of question..... but, if/ when I am- I Will and Do- give an honest opinion. I have tried, as far as I'm able, to 'do' this here.

My, indeed ALL our, Very best wishes are with you. Please DO contact us again if/ when you need to.

AndrewT

[Dvorak]

It's good to her this - keep on keeping on...