No help and unsure of how to proceed

[Snowydacat]

Hi all

My husband was in an RTA last May and suffered severe BT. He is slowly recovering but we have no backup from anywhere at the moment.

Barring occasional visits for neurological assessments he has had no contact from professionals and it is last November we saw anyone!

Because we live miles away from any groups like Headway, he cannot get to them. We have no dedicated social worker or anything similar.

I often think he is lucky to just happened to marry someone who did neuropsychology as part of a psychology degree and has, at least, a passing understanding of what he needs. I did not complete the degree and do not work in the field but know more than average is the best way to describe it.

One of the few bits of advice we received was for him to take a daily walk but in the current climate i am unsure that the anxiety he suffers from going outside is worth it!

We have walked late at night to avoid people but he cannot see well in the dark so gets anxious over that.

Does anybody know of anything written down anywhere on the internet, that states it is ok for him to go out for a walk for medical reasons?

I realise it is allowed as exercise but he is not associating that with his recovery and is avoiding the walk and ending up with accute anxiety when we do go, making the whole thing pointless.

Thanks

Snowy

[cat3]

I'm fortunate enough, though living in a busy town, to have areas of secluded woodland and river walks fairly close by. Exercise is essential to keep ourselves fit and also for mental wellbeing, so if you can find suitable areas to walk in the daylight where passers by can be kept at a distance, I'm sure it would be beneficial for your man.

I've found many surprising green spaces nearby by simply putting my address into the Google Maps search-box and looking around the immediate area (on a zoomed satellite view). I've posted a copy of Boris Johnson's directives on exceptions to staying indoors, one of which is taking exercise outdoors once daily.... Hope it helps.

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52012432

Regards, Cat x

[1Simulated]

Hi Snowydacat .

Sorry to hear of your situation personally I think the advice you where given on exercise is only a good way for him to gain confidence back in his life but like you I never got any support in after care at the time it makes me angry this happens in the first place but sadly it does hid confidence levels needs to grow more often than not it's like learning everything again in nearly every aspect of his life with a comfortable new learning curve of confidence should reduce anxiety levels people need to see a way through their traumatic experiences of a new life he has now challenging we know it is .

All the things he loved to do he must continue even if on a lower scale to what he once was he needs that confidence back small steps at a time until confidence is restored no matter what activity he does but must be on a enjoyable note relaxed and in his own time stress free has much as possible .

I wish you all the luck in the world has I know what it feels like to be abandoned on such a critical time of his life .

he his lucky to have you .

Take care and Thank you .

1simulated .

[Pairofboots]

Hi you talk about having some neuropsychology understanding. I and my ex wife were MH nurses me registered. I was the one to have the brain hiccup, and from experience when it is personal you realise that theory and practice don't always gell. You are too invested in the situation, 24/7 invested. Your husband needs external input that can be total objective.

If you try to do this solo, you are setting yourself up to frustration and resentment.

At the moment things are not normal for anyone, but please try to access neuropsychology/psychiatry. From when you studied knowledge has changed.

I know that I gave the neuro specialist the heebeegeebies, because like them, I was a practicing specialist, and was used to using many of the tools and techniques they used with me.

You are husband and wife first, part of the job description is caring, but part of that caring is asking for help.

I wish you both well.

[Snowydacat in reply to Pairofboots]

I have asked for expert help from day one and was literally told to go to Headway as there was nothing available. It is impossible for us to get to any of the centres that could help, or they want paying because we arent on benefits. He was sent home with nothing in place as there was 'none available at the moment'. So, as much as we would both love to have professional help, I am all he has! I have asked repeatedly for 6 months but there is nothing available and he gets further down the list of those in real need.

Amanda

[Pairofboots]

Amanda, if they don't volunteer the services, then actually say I want a referral to neuropsychology/psychiatry, be assertive.

Your husband is in real need, from a statistical view if someone has MH problems regardless of cause, the more disabled they become without effective treatment.

I'm surprised at Headway, I can't access their day services where I live, but where I lived previously, I didn't know about benefits, funding etc, they organised all that for me, even down to the social worker.

Community services have been hit hard by the austerity measures. I thought I would receive like for like services when I moved. There is a north south divide. Where I am they work on a crisis system. In two years I had to hit crisis twice. Ok, they eventually stabilised me, but then they discharged me.

Again difficult at the moment, but your GP can refer to neuropsychology/psychiatry, in the short term they may prescribe medication to help until you get the specialist help. The earlier treatment can start the better, even if it isn't the most appropriate.

I'm sure that your husband will qualify for benefits, ESA support group, PIP. ESA is a gateway benefit, but there are two types contribution based, and non-contribution based.

Again I had never had any dealings with benefits except a brief period of signing on in the 80s. I phoned the DWP, it was a bit sole destroying, and frustrating. But they just read a list of benefit, asking each time did I want to apply, not knowing any difference, I said yes to every option. It was a bit like a game show, do you want, yes, computer says no, but it did get me on the way.

I would imagine at the moment it will be hard, but sometimes you just have to be very persistent.

I'm sorry, I don't have anything better to offer, no consolation, but I do know where you are, and if nothing else I can offer my time, I will respond, even if you just need to scream.