Support

[Braininjurysurvivor]

I feel like my partner is not supporting me in this he was there for me whilst I was in my coma and there for me in the hospital but ever since I’ve been home I feel like his making me feel worse I just want him to leave but he won’t I feel like my whole life is falling apart I understand it’s hard for him to but this isn’t like a sore throat or a cough this is a tbi it’s major it’s changed me as a person I feel like every time he does something wrong he tries to turn it around so it’s my fault I need support not to be shouted at I feel like a complete failure

[Richdp]

Hi,

I'm sorry you feel like this and having to go through this. Like I said before, I think it's really tough for us (TBI victim's) to adjust to our " new selves" and yes, I think the support we need is an ongoing battle. I'm living on my own now and I've never felt so alone as I do now! Thankfully I still have my local Headway coffee morning I attend once a week, so I don't feel so alone in my dark days.

I still think you need some time apart.

Do you attend your local headway?

[Hidden]

It sounds like he needs time to adjust to the new you maybe seek help from your local headway branch for your partner see what they can do but if he really cares about you then a brain injury won't even factor into your relationship

[Marnie22]

I would agree with those that have mentioned local Headway group s, mine has been invaluable.

Also, try the Headway helpline, they are wonderful, whatever you call about

All the best

[Braininjurysurvivor]

I keep thinking about calling them but I get muddled quite easily with my speech and trying to explain things it was bad when I came out of hospital and then calmed down now it’s going backwards again I know exactly what I want to say but it just won’t come out 😢 I have been to headway a couple of times but haven’t found it much help but that was at the start of this maybe I need to look into this again thankyou

[Broken_Doll in reply to Braininjurysurvivor]

Hi Leanne,

Don't worry about sounding muddled on the phone. Headway are used to speaking to people with all sorts of speech and communication difficulties. They'll be patient and help you get across what you want to say.

They (Headway) are definitely a good place to start but having said that, they are not for everyone. Myself and my partner both have brain injuries (thats how we met). I had/have a lot of cognitive difficulties, whereas he didn't (his were more physical, to do with balance etc) and I found headway very helpful and still have some services in place currently, whereas he didn't and stopped his services after a year.

Emma

[Braininjurysurvivor in reply to Broken_Doll]

Thanku x

[shaunmcg in reply to Braininjurysurvivor]

Headway are BRILLIANT! I was suicidal when put in touch with them. I think they saved my life TBH !

[cat3]

I think your husband is angry at circumstances and the loss of the old you. It sounds as though he's resentful and trapped in a mindset of negative emotions.

Firstly, as already mentioned, you could use the support of likeminded people at Headway. You can be yourself and gain comfort from sharing thoughts and empathising with others in similar situations. And, hopefully, it will boost your confidence and sense of independence.

Perhaps you and your husband can agree to avoiding contact for a while by eating & sleeping (or even living if poss.) separately. Sometimes ultra closeness is suffocating, and having time apart can help both parties find perspective and appreciate what it is they really want from each other.

Take care, Cat x

[ScubaD]

Sounds like you both need some adjustment time. He may think you are like you was before. I had this issue where my partner thought i should be ok now. We didn't know i was suffering from a couple severe tbi then but did know about my ptsd. He will need to stop shouting, that will not help at all. We either move and grow together or decide on a different option that is better for both of you. Find support on here and one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and walk away from the shouting!

[lcd8]

I think its difficult for some people to understand the effects of having a BI. Many people think we should 'get better' as soon as we're out of hospital. Maybe this is because for many illnesses people do recover quickly and get back to exactly the way they were. BI isn't like that though. Have you thought about maybe getting him to read something about BI? Or attending a Headway meeting with you perhaps?

[FlowerPower62]

I agree with Icd8, he should definitely read something. I read up tins after my husband's injury, it did help. Hope things work out for you both. Xx

[Charlie90]

Sorry you feel like this I think you need to sit down with him and have a good chat no one understands the brain I jury process but I suppose they wouldn’t

Here is s little tip I read s book about brain I jury then I asked my family to read it too so they coulgdt some idea of what I’m feeling as I could relate to many parts of the bookies called an unexpected journey by Ben thexton

[shaunmcg]

My partner couldn’t cope with me after TBI (caused by her ex attacking me!) said I was grumpy! No shit! It’s hard without someone there but I managed. Met a really kind person now and all is good as she actually cares ( and has worked with TBI people and looks after autistic adults) so I was lucky! It can’t be easy for the partner of the injured person mind!

No solution just my bit x

[sethbovey]

Hi there. I had the same experience. My partner was very supportive and came up (we live in dfferent cities) to look after me and be there for my operation and he was great afterwards, but i think he was always working at ending our relationship so a year later, after a year where I lost my job, had the fall and operation,we decided to go our separate ways. well he did without any discussion. To be honest I am better off without him however I get depressed as an older person and here in NZ we dont have a forum like this. I think you two should have that discussion and see what you both want from the relationship.

Good luck

[Pairofboots]

My ex wife never tried to understand what had happened to me. She used to say I attended my appointments, but never told her what happened, the problem was I couldn't remember unless something had been written down.

I did collect every fact sheet possible, they all ended in the bin.

In my early recovery I was very easy to manipulate, by early I mean the first two to three years. When I was retired, suddenly I had a lump sum, now WE had money, can we help X, Y, Z, her family, it would have been better if the money had paid a lump off the mortgage with hindsight.

Next she sold the car I had bought her before the hiccup, so she used my car. Then I qualified for a motability car, so we got a new car, again she used it as if it was hers, I gave her the rule book for the car, she didn't want to know.

Well I have told other parts of this tale before so I won't repeat. The upshot is, eventually I found my self worth and dignity, and started to say enough is enough.

It was now that she wasn't being kept in the manner she expected, but within what we could afford, that she decided she wanted a "happy life" and off she went. Divorce followed, I gave her an old mothballed pension, the judge refused to order the house to be sold. She left me with debt to pay, but I am working through them. I'm comfortable, and more to the point at peace.

That is the outcome in my case, it doesn't mean that it will be in yours, it depends how much your husband is prepared to learn, it takes two to tango, and if he will, even with some external prompts, come to terms with life as it is now, then there is hope.

I wish you well.