Would you rather people mention or keep quiet over loved ones passing away?

[keeley24]

Been to the BI group allotment day today. I knew from seeing on Facebook that the man who runs group had his Nan pass away last night so he’s obviously upset so wasn’t even sure he would be there today. He was there but I didn’t say anything about him losing his Nan as if it had been me I would prefer not to keep being reminded by people showing sympathy as there is nothing anyone can do to make me feel better. I did post a message on his Facebook post just saying sorry for your loss. It was quite clear he wasn’t feeling his normal self understandably. One thing that stood out was we normally have a joke about people needing to wear gloves while doing anything at allotment, it’s a long running joke we have had and he got me this high vis jacket with health and safety officer on normally insisting I wear that before telling anyone about gloves. He normally deliberately doesn’t wear gloves just so I tell him. Today he has worn gloves and not really mentioned much about them like he normally would.

On way back he mentioned I hadn’t worn my high vis so had bit of banter but he said he had other stuff on his mind and I told him I seen it on his Facebook about his Nan and had put message on it and told him I hadn’t said anything cos I know it’s not nice to keep being reminded about it he said he appreciated it. So would you have said anything or would you have preferred someone to say sorry for your loss or keep quiet?

[Hidden]

I think you probably did the right thing, but sometimes it is good to just say 'I am sorry about your gran, I am hear if you want to talk' but then leave it at that. He can then come to you if he wants to.

[1949liz]

Maybe you could MAKE him a card with things from the allotment and leave it on his allotment and maybe say thinking of you at this sad time. Also keep an open eye on him as grief has many windows so be open to his mood change. Love Liz x🌹

[Ro_76]

Hi Keeley I think every person is different on how they would react on this. But just offering condolences and am here if you need to talk is always a nice safe option which would mean alot. I talk from experience having lost my brother suddenly last year. And most people at my work would not say anything. Is never an easy one and I would be worried too what is the best way to approach. But it helped me emensly when some did come to talk and offer support. You did the right thing xx

[keeley24 in reply to Ro_76]

Yea I went on how I would feel which was all I could do. Like to me in that situation people saying sorry for your loss and even sending sympathy cards doesn’t really make you feel better it just reminds you what you have lost. Nothing anyone can do or say will make you feel better so it’s more matter of not making them feel worse.