Odd behaviour.

[F1951]

My husband who had a brain stem stroke 2016, is still very disabled can't walk, very dependent, is behaviour is so bad,very nasty ,refusing to eat any meals l prepare, he only wants to eat curry or cheese on toast, everyday! I've been given respite every other weekend, and he's making my life hell over,it, but l need a break in on the go twenty four seven ,and at 68, it's not easy, also he's coming on to the carers, telling them he fancies them and behaving inappropriate, l'm at my wits end, lve given my whole life up for a man who doesn't appreciate anything l do for him, he's very manipulative, behaves a bit like a naughty toddler. How do l deal with all this, any help gratefully received,

[Shon48]

I have a little knowledge in stroke patients having been a nurse with elderly/ stroke patients, I think, for your own sake and your husbands that a care home would be more suitable for you both . It’s very hard for you both but you May be the decision maker in this. I don’t know where you live but finances might dictate in your decision. It’s worth having a social worker involved to help you . I guess you already have one when you get respite . Worth looking into as you can’t carry on feeling like this . Big hugs 🤗 Shona 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[F1951 in reply to Shon48]

Thankyou for your kindness and help.

[Kirk5w7]

Hi I can see why Shon has given you the advice she has and it may be the correct one for you.

As long as you understand that your husband is not in control of his behaviour.

He may look the same man but his brain is no longer as it was before and may never be the same.

You hit the nail on the head when you said he is like a naughty toddler, you see that in his desire to only eat the same foods. How many children go through that phase? And, it does them no harm to follow that restricted diet for a period, sometimes years.

My brain all but shut down completely when i was ill, it started up again but many of my functions / abilities had to be relearned as if i was a baby/child. Luckily in my case that relearning has been done quite quickly, unfortunately others may not be so lucky if the damage was more profound or they are not aware of how they can help their brain relearn.

It has taken almost 7 years for me to regain the level I am at now, in that time i have run up a huge debt, well you wouldnt give a child credit cards and a bank account normally would you. That was a lesson we learned too late, but i can clear those debts in 5 years luckily, hopefully before i hit 70.

My heart goes out to you, your life has been turned upside down but you must look after yourself, your husband will be fine whatever your decision.

Take care

Janet xx

[F1951 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Thankyou Janet, seems like you've been through the mill to bless you , many thanks, joy

[steve55]

f1951 i was horrible when i had my stroke. 2 years is very early days as far as brain injury is concerned.

when i had my first appointment with my consultant after discharge from hospital, i was asked if there had been an increase in my libido, which can happen after a stroke.

itll be 7 years next month since my stroke and since then ive been diagnosed with organic personality disorder ( i can be really sweet one minute and horrible the next, especially to strangers ) adhd and epilepsy. i regularly see the psychiatrist because my wife couldnt put up with my mood swings.

one suggesion i would make, find out where your nearest monthly headway group is, drag him along to that so he can meet others with a brain injury who he can have a laugh and a joke with, who understand what he s going through and youll get to meet the darlings whove got to put up with us when we throw our teddies out of the pram.

steve x

[F1951]

Thanks Steve, it's nice to hear it straight out of the horse's mouth, l think l'm still dealing with the person before the massive stroke, silly really, many thanks Joy.

[cwestley59]

I have been married to a man who had a head injury all our married life. I have finally had to file for divorce as his mood swings and manic state have started affecting my health. It’s sad and I still care deeply about him but I won’t be able to help him if I am 6 foot under.