Next of Kin

[Zarahm]

My partner suffered a severe tbi in July this year. He is actually doing really well but I suspect he will need supervision for the rest of his life - it’s difficult to say that for sure at this point but given the severity of his injury that is what I am anticipating.

As his partner I have no rights. We had been together 2 and a half years prior to his fall and he was due to move in with me the week after his accident. We were in a committed long term relationship.

I suspect he will be in rehab for most of 2019 but beyond that I would hope to take him home and look after him even if that means that I have to give up work to do so.

My potential problem is his sons (27 & 24) who are are heavily influenced by their financially motivated mother. My concern is that they will want to put him in some rehab facility nearer to where they live. His ex is all about the control and if he lives with me she won’t have the control.

I have been to see my partner everyday for the 6 months since his accident which is a 100 mile round trip on top of working full time. His sons have been but a handful of times and send out emails ‘to avoid visiting’ when they visit - not just to my self but to my partners parents and sister as well.

Will I have any influence in his ongoing care decisions as I believe being with me he will have the best possible life that he can have. It’s not so much about his care as he will walk eventually it will be more a question of support in so far as he will most likely lack insight into his injury. Of course I hope as time moves on he will be able to make decisions for himself but I can’t at this point guarantee that will be the case.

Does anyone have any experience of this situation.

[Hidden]

You need legal advice here. I assume he doesn't have a Power of Attorney document? Get some proper advice as soon as you can to try to make sure that the outcome is what HE would want.

[Zarahm in reply to Hidden]

He doesn’t have LPA but a legal deputy is going to be appointed as sole deputy for property and financial affairs liaising with sons and sister for confirmation of decisions. Ex initially objected to sister being deputy I then objected to son and ex withdrew objection to sister so right decision won through. It may be that legal deputy may also take on role of deputy for welfare in which case it would have to be a ‘best interest’ decision. I thought about applying for that role but it would probably be very difficult as I would have to get permission which could be difficult and then no doubt there would be objections to me.

No one expected the ex to object to the sister so my concern is what she will be plotting next. It’s just a horrible situation. They were married for many years and she was the one that left him. The marriage had broken down many years before. It’s unbelievably sad but then everyone in a similar situation has a sad story to tell.

[DTBI]

I only personally experienced the TBI, 5 yrs ago, but it occurred in France so some of the visiting was apparently complicated. It did take me at least a couple of years though to get closer to who I was, although I accept now I can never be exactly the same I was. Main purpose for this quick reply was to praise you for your support, and also to not worry about anything, simply detail with issues when you have to. I sincerely hope you experience a more positive 2019 than 2018!! x

[steve55]

as they are legally divorced, his ex would have no say in the matter,that would leave his mother and his sons or whoever is down as next of kin on his hospital notes.