Lonley

Hi I suffered a Tbi in 1992 due to rta have tryed to talk to my wife but doesn’t seem interested got no one to talk to but suicide keeps going through my head like a heavy weight one Minute can feel so so the next doom spend most of my day crying this is a terrible place to be HELP PLEASE

[Kathykathy]

Sorry to hear of your suffering but it is an all too similar story for most of us, so hope knowing that you find some solace in a forum such as this. Have you joined a local Headway group they do help, too. Meditation, positive thinking, visualisation is not a myth it really helps, look at what you've got more than what you have not, find new experiences, try new hobbies as a new focus,having some quality in life and personal small achievements will raise your spirits too, however much you feel alone you are not, just look in different places. I don't have the luxury of a partner at the moment so my whole journey has been totally alone so whatever communication issues between your wife and you you have more than some. Have you had any counselling, have you spoken to GP, if you personally don't change anything nothing will change, what little steps can you make to help yourself. I wish you the best.

[cat3]

Get help to lift yourself from that dark place. If you can manage the visit to your GP he/she can prescribe an antidepressant to change your way of thinking.

And ask for a referral for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which will take a while to access but which you'll be ready for when your medication has kicked in.

Don't be afraid of using medication to get you through what appears to be serious clinical depression ; an antidepressant gave me back my quality of life after a long period of despair.

I hope that, with your mood altered, you'll be able to initiate conversation with your wife and regain her interest and inclusion in your life. Someone has to break the cycle of 'nothingness' and, to start living again, that has to be you m'love. But I promise you, it can give you your life back.

When your wife sees that you're making efforts to change things, I hope she'll be relieved and supportive, and that you can re-connect with one another.

Get help from your GP ; it's hard I know when you're feeling lost, but you need to make the phone call and book an appointment.

We're always here to talk........... Cat x

[paxo05]

Hi there,

have you received counselling to help you to fully adjust to hoe you are now. It may seem a long time ago since your rta but unless you can get help with how you may have changed the effects will be like your rta was recent.

Moving on does not mean leaving everything you had and was behind. It means taking stock and acepting how you are and learning to live again.

To many times after a bi we are to busy recovering we are happy that we still exist we forget to live.

Explaining how you feel can be hard when you may be unsure yourself. You may try writing what you are trying to say down. This can be easier than talking face to face and ease any pressure you feel.

The main thing is get help. Explain to your gp if you feel you want counselling. Contact Headway they can point you on various great directions. Infact tell anyone who will listen....eventually someone will hear you.

I would like to say that everything will work out fine.....In reality it will improve but you may have to keep working at it.

On the upside you will stop just existing and learn to live again.

Good look

Pax

[magdolna]

I agree with Cat wholeheartedly. I have started antidepressants which hopefully will work. I don't really enjoy life so I hope the drugs will help with that. Technically I should have died back in August'16 but I didn't and it I very hard to be truly content with that. I do wish you well.

[Hidden in reply to magdolna]

Hi thankyou for the reply I have been given anti depressants but haven’t taken them because I was told you can get hooked on them thankyou again hope to chat again i will start to take them today

[swedishblue]

Hi, I was taking citalopram soon after my brain bleed and found they helped enormously. I was totally wrecked and despairing for a good long while, for many months, without realising I was clinically depressed and probably psychologically too. The side-effects of some anti-d's 'knock you for six' whilst your brain becomes accustomed, but the relief felt once these subsided felt amazing. I would have no hesitation in returning to them if I felt, as you do, life was becoming unmanageable. It sounds as though you're scrapping along the bottom listless and lifeless, ie., you are clinically depressed. Its one step at a time but come the day, you'll start to feel more engaged. Exercise was also incredibly helpful too. I don't mean join a gym but borrow a dog and walk miles in the countryside. Be kind and self-compassionate as much as you are able, practise meditation. Writing is cathartic, believe me, and helps reconnect to your core and higher consciousness....all for the good! I wish you luck x

[Hidden in reply to swedishblue]

Hi thanks for he reply

[steve55]

do you remember the tv programme callan and someone saying to his mate why do they call you lonely.......

what makes you say your wife isnt interested?

ithink you need to find your local montly headway group or group, where youll meet people with tbi and abi and youll soon build up a network of friends.

im on here every day, i have a brain injury as result of a stroke in 2012.

look forward to hearing from you ( try talking to your wife in the mean time ).

steve

[Hidden in reply to steve55]

Hi steve thankyou hope to chat again soon in the mean time i will try again with my wife and go to the docs for help thanks again

[Flumptious]

Oh, I am glad to see plenty of replies, I looked at your first message and was really surprised that no-one had replied, so I was going to, but I had seen that you had posted another message as well, so I checked here, first.

Welcome to this site, people are very supportive (as you can see!). Some of us (like me) have survived brain injuries, and are still dealing with the effects; some others have close associations with people with brain injuries,

You should certainly see a doctor about your feelings - there is lots that they can do. And talk to your wife, I am sure she doesn't realise how low you feel, and she will certainly want to help you.

And yes, get involved with your local Headway group, they will be really helpful.

[keeley24]

If there is any BI group near you it would be worth joining. I had BI in 2012 and felt lonely and wasn’t helped by only having my mum in my life. Small family and my nan sadly died in 2013 so spent few years with just my mum. Last year I found out about a BI group near me and joined more in hope of meeting more people. I have since made few friends there and go every week even going to an allotment most weeks which I wouldn’t of been bothered about but it’s a chance to meet people have something to do and as daft as it sounds it’s a chance to actually talk to the staff and people who go as in the weekly social time it’s everyone together so it’s like go with the flow. Through going to allotment I have had chance to talk to man who set group up about walking 3 Yorkshire peaks as he takes me the 10 min drive to allotment.

[Alice5]

Hi

So sorry to read your post and that you are feeling so low. It's so easy for a spiral of negative thoughts to take over our lives and it's so hard to turn that around.

Please phone the Samaritans 116 123 and talk to them about how you are feeling, it can be wonderful to talk to someone and tell them exactly how you feel, just talking to someone helps.

Also contact MIND, they are an amazing organisation! You get 8 50 minute counselling sessions and pay according to your means. The only disadvantage is there may be a wait to see someone.

I have done both in the past and they really do help.

Also as others have said, see your GP

Definitely don't suffer/struggle in silence, please seek some help

A new day today, new beginnings

Alice x

[Lynnepitt]

I too had a brain injury after a serious rta last year and completely understand where you're coming from. I think it's hard for someone who hasn't experienced a tbi first hand to understand and I try to keep positive about things but it's extremely hard trying to carry on 'like a normal person ' whenever you don't even know when you start a sentence if you're going to be able to remember the words to finish it. It definitely feels very isolating. I would definitely recommend seeing your GP who could then refer you for counselling or CBT and everyone seems to have excellent things to say about Headway. Hopefully it might help speaking to others who are in the same boat as you. I know coming on this site and reading through other people's experiences definitely helps me as it's hard not to feel like you're the only one in the world struggling with brain injury problems sometimes when that isn't the case.

[lcd8]

Hi there. Your post pulls at my heart strings. Just to say you are not alone with this. We have all suffered a TBI in one form or another and can listen to and support you. We are not professionals but please do make use of us.

Lulu x

[Hidden in reply to lcd8]

Hi thankyou for the reply it means the world to me thankyou so much I hope to chat again going to doctors today it’s been 25 years of uphill struggle,it’s the kind voice of people like you that are going to pull me through thankyou xTake carex

[Hidden]

Thankyou for the reply it means a lot finally I have found someone that understands the daily trawl of life the injury leaves you with.Thankyou again you have made my day I hope you are ok.With the help of this site and lovely people like you I will over come this loneliness thankyou so much hope to chat again x

[lcd8]

No worries at all. Lulu

[3fingeredjake]

That's bad matey, you gotta get help to snap out of it, though I am a fine one to say that! Been there many times. I had encephalitis that left me with a few presents to deal with, stuttering, confusion and short term memory loss, within a few years I also had ulcerative colitis that attacked my autoimmune system and I am still trying to deal with that! My wife was under the impression that once out of hospital, and not needing any further treatment, hey presto! I was fixed! So anything else was me just whinging... My gp did try to explain that the reason no one treats it anymore is because there is nothing else that can be done.... but it was still my fault. I have some damage in the prefrontal cortex what ever that means and I can't explain that to anyone. She took it as an excuse and buggered off with some one else and is now putting me through it by making me sell 'our home' so she can have her half...….. I know what loneliness means, and feel for you. I have no one either.

[RecoveringH]

campaigntoendloneliness.org/