Headway

31-01-17 @ 7:47am = 17 anniversary

As I approach year 17 of having a brain injury I can't help but wonder If I can be this intelligence with a brain injury how intelligence could I have been without it (anniversary is on weds @ exactly 7:45am, expect depression to be in high gear) yes started working @Bcc 2 weeks after my 10th anniversary and I got asked to do my 10 year review of khines and no one anticipated my job title or quilfactions, they couldn't have even written what I told them or believed it if I was proof with the mri how bad the injury is yet I can still function like it's not there I think that needs research of its own

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Hi Bexxs, seen any fires lately?

The intelligence thought passes through me occasionally too. I was at uni when I had my head injury as u know and didn’t get to complete it. It’s quite hard to hear from mates that I’m still the most intelligent within the group even though there is a solicitor, doctor and a CEO.

Some people can assume your stupid once you’ve suffered from a TBI.

So once I tell people who are unaware they are shocked!

I am finding telling new women who I meet about my past difficult.

I don’t have to mention it if there is only one thing on my mind but how would I bring up the conversation if I want it to go further. “ oh by the way I got brain damage and can’t drive!”

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People are shocked when I tell them too I tell people I work for the council and oh by the way I have a brain injury as I feel the second I start of with I have Brain injury any thing I say won't be surprising but the neurologists at my 10 year review didn't think my injury was that bad considering my job title but once they saw the scan they were excitingly shocked as I think it ripped up was they were taught getting their phds

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Not sure you have to mention it, be that to dates or otherwise. I certainly don’t did more often in the past, but I can do a passable impression of a normal human at least for a short while!

I don’t now tell unless it feels pertinent or I want to tell the story!

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I have to admit that I don't really tell people about my brain injury. Family and close friends know of course. But I don't give any details to work colleagues etc. They know I have a medical condition and that I wear a medical ID band. But they don't really know what it is or even that it is to do with my brain. I think my trouble with telling stems from experience. As mine is not an easy situation to explain and most people are really shocked and don't know what to say and I end up wishing I hadn't said anything. It would be nice to be more open at times but I don't honestly know how to be. And I don't want my BI to define me or anything.

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My brain certainly isn’t as broad and quick as it was four years ago, but I am where I am. I started a new business at the end of next year, and have structured it so that I am well supported with checks and reassurance when necessary. I am confident that I will be a lot stronger in a couple of years, I might of retired in 17 though😊

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The degree of difference between outcomes does seem high, not sure that we know enough about the brain, to get much further at this point though.

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Hey Bexxs, I'm going to be having my 15th Anniversary this August of the TBI I sustained, along with the mirijard of other injuries. I take it as a compliment when people do not realise that I had a serious injury, spent 5 weeks in a Coma and then 8 months in hospital, 6 of which were in a Neurological Brian Injury Rehabilitation Unit. People will ask me when they find out if I was any different before the accident, the answer I always give is no. Like you I think would I have been more intelligent ? To Be Honest I don't think I would have been, if anything suffering from TBI I feel makes a person a bit more determined and not give up on things, I don't know if that is a sign of intelligence or just bloody mindedness. When I was in hospital back in 2003 Headways told me to keep a diary so I would know how much I had progressed in my recovery, (I was hit but a car as I was crossing the road by the way) I was recommended by 1 of Neurologists to read a book "I'll Carry the Fork" by Kara.L.Swanson. When I read I'll Carry the Fork, this book was written by an American Lady who was involved in a Car crash. I was 1) English and 2) a Pedestrian who was hit by a car, so while there were similarities, the circumstances & aftercare very different. This book led me to think my Diary could be a book so I turned it into a Book. I did this and " It Was Not My Time" was published in 2009. I feel every person no matter what their situation feels a shade of doubt - a case of the "What If's ? " What if I had done this ?? or not done that ?? TBI and knowing your Brain has been injured I think makes you more aware of how the Brain functions so we are slightly more clued up on what an amazing piece of biology/chemistry/humanity the Brain is. I know as soon as I was able to understand - which took me 3 months to know why I was in hospital, I had no clue what had happened to me, thankfully my memory is fine and I have only lost the week before the accident so knew who people were when they came to see me. In my previous career I was a freelance researcher in TV in the late 1990's the satellite TV age. So it is my nature to find out things & needed to know why this was causing temper tantrums and bad language and why some days I feel I just cannot function. People who have not suffered TBI will never get why you act like you do and you will never stop questioning what if's

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Hey bexx87,

It’s 18 years next month... and I’m going to be going to a dance show on the day and will have to socialise with folk... (the dance show is my sons at least!) even in the lead up I’m so... nah down is not the right word! November to February I’ve a sad anniversary/time every month and yes like you I constantly think about what life would have been like if 2000 hadn’t have happened, I’d be a lot more intelligent no doubt, would have actually got good grades at school and gone on to get a degree no doubt (I was 12) everything I used to do frustrates me when I do it now as it reminds me how bad I am now, horse riding, swimming, even swimming!

But then again I look at what I have now, which I doubt I’d have if not for 2000... I would have been at uni when instead I met my now husband. I have two boys now too. I lost so much and I want to curl up in a ball and not see anyone most days, but yes we have to just crack on with it and live life to the fullest now...

I really struggle with how ‘un-ill’ I look, sound, I feel constantly judged :-(

Sorry not helping I’ll stop rambling... I’m a little off tonight and it’s showing. Sorry, I’ll think of you tomorrow hope you have an ok day and people respect your space time etc if needs.

Here to chat if needs,

Katy :-)

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