Relatives

[Mufc]

My 21 year old daughter in my opinion thinks her father is much better than me. He has recently gone though major stress and she thinks he has gone through much worst than me. As I get on with life he has to see a therapist. When I saw a therapist she was too young to know. I cannot walk and loose my temper often. He copes around our daughter which I cannot and loose my temper. I cannot do physical thinks, he can. I am of the opinion she prefers him to me. How do I cope with this?

[malalatete]

It isn't a competition! Parents do not need to worry about whether their children prefer one over the other. If your husband has recently undergone a stressful situation and is in therapy then it is good that your daughter is looking out for him. You should be very proud of her for supporting her father in this way, not saying 'what about me?'

If you are having problems with anger and you think this isnaffecting your relationship with your daughter you could speak to your GP about it. There is nothing great about 'getting on with life' if that means not seeking the help you need and so making your life and that of those around you a misery. You may be able to be referred for some anger management techniques that could transform how you feel and help sort things out at home.

[sca2013]

I think it is a realistic and natural thing that happens about children liking each parent differently. And like MUFC said it is definitely not a competition. I know each of our children have a different relationship with me than they do their Mother. Similarly I feel differently about each child. I don't have them ranked or anything like that, it is just all naturally different. For me, it doesn't affect me one way or another if each child likes their mother more than me or not. It just doesn't come into play. I'm sorry this is bothering you. I hope you're able to resolve this.

[cat3]

Young people often live in 'the moment' and whereas your daughter has grown up seeing your own issues as the norm, the incident with her dad has threatened her security as he is the 'Now' issue.

Now that the 'strong' parent is affected, something she's previously taken for granted has been threatened and she will be struggling emotionally, whether she shows it or not.

She will naturally gravitate to the most patient parent (who may well have been your husband historically) but she will love you equally. If you struggle with patience and tolerance (as most of us with brain injury do) she might be wary of negative reactions and avoid you.

I think the three of you need regular sessions of talking calmly and honestly about what's needed, from each of you, to bring some harmony (and even enjoyment) into your lives, as a family, and as individuals.

Talking can heal many rifts if approached with genuine concern and readiness to listen. And it's so much more meaningful if the listener is a loved one rather than a professional.

Wishing you all well........... Cat x

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Thankyou

[Mufc in reply to cat3]

Thank you

[fredikins in reply to cat3]

Another wiser than wise reply from the doyen on this site Cat, I learn so much from your replies, you're almost a teacher of sorts, thanks once more Cat.

[cat3 in reply to fredikins]

That's just me muddling along Fred, but it's nice being appreciated ; thanks for your kind words.

Hope you're doing OK my friend.......x