'My' Face

Hello everyone, Jules here.

I have just read the lovely replies of support and advice from so many kind people here. Difficult day today - reading your words has mellowed my mood, thank you.

In return i thought if i recalled what happened to me at the most recent session this morning, it might help someone else in return.

I am able (it seems) to very easily block my memories and the struggle with therapy. Todays therapy was again to try and jump from a frightening thought to a nice thought (like a safe place in the brain), so my brain feels relaxed again to go back to what was 'frightening conversation' to me.

The only place i have felt utter peace since the accident i found by accident, it is when i put my head under the water at the swimming pool, concentrating just on the coolness of the soft water - and solitude. Thats my safe place.

There are two places i need to go. I need to discuss loss and i need to discuss mechanics of the crash. The safe place is going to be used in both.

It has taken 6 years to narrow down what i need to do but i dont know if i am going to do it, even now. I am not sure if the 'safe place' is going to be enough, my courage might fail.

I used to EMDR green flashing light thing again today during therapy. A really frightening odd thing happened. When you watch the light move you also have a small pad in each hand which vibrates. As the consultant was talking and i was trying to relax the vibration in my hands suddenly became the handle bars of a bike vibrating and i had to end the session.

I couldnt think about calming myself with this safe place thing as i was too frightened.

I have some time off therapy for a couple of weeks now .

He says we dont need to use the EMDR, but it does give me something to concentrate on whilst i am talking.

Anyway, thats where i am - i hope it helps someone (and i havent sent you all to sleep with boredom !)

Kindest regards to all you kind people, my heart whent out to you reading about your experiences of your face, but it did remind me there are a lot of people have this.

Love

Jules

x

4 Replies

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  • I self hypnotise myself by imagining I'm floating in water. From imagining I'm stepping into the pool, to pushing myself away from the side, just floating in peace. It really does work once you've mastered keeping the rest of the world out of your thoughts

  • Hi JULES THERE , well done getting back on track. See we can help. Remind yourself you are luved and a valued person. Does sound like your head has been pulled under the water and you gasping for air but you will NOT drown and we can help you breath air again till your back to just just floating in calm water.

    Strange cause I explain myself by the whole water and my head being pulled under TO describe my mood when it's bad.

    Come back and let us help. A few kind words may help a lot at moment

    Luv ya Hun xx

  • Oh that's you safe place. Well ok then we need to get you floating on your back and imagining the sky, sun, clouds and how beautiful it is xx

  • Jules can you ask the counsellor to take dealing with your loss and the mechanics of the accident off the table for now?

    It could be that the thought of dealing with both is too much.

    You could also try asking for something like a vertically mounted jigsaw to give you something to concentrate on during the session.

    It could help with your projects and wanting to fix things.

    Not sure if any of this is possible but you really need to know that you are loved and strong so much stronger than you are letting yourself believe at the moment.

    PS your safe place is wonderful! Next thing we know you'll be a flying Peter Pan with all the happy thoughts that your safe place allows you to have.

    You CAN do this Jules and we are here for you.

    Lots of love n hugs xoxoxoxxoxoxoxox

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