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my husband had his accidenton the 1st of September, he has been moved to rehab. been there 2 weeks tomorrow, the last 2 days he has been very angry seems to be stuck on not wanting to be there and wants to come home, keeps saying that we have dumped him is asking for keys so that he can get out, keeps looking for a way out when I try and tell him he has to stay until he is better and the Doctors say he can come home, I try to talk about other things but he just keeps saying are we going now, do I just keep saying no? because it just seems to make him more angry

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  • Hi Lynda and welcome. I've heard of this issue on a few occasions and I'm sure it must be heart-breaking having to walk away from a loved one in distress.

    I find it odd that the doctors don't address this issue with calming medication, as such high levels of anxiety for any patient must surely be detrimental to their recovery.

    Have you managed to discuss your husband's fretfulness with his consultant and explained how upsetting it is for both he and you ? x

  • Hello Lynda, I agree with Cat, the doctors should be helping with this. I have no memory of my experience of this, but whilst I was in hospital following my injury mum tells me I kept on and on about how I needed to be at work. Apparently it was like a repeat, but I remember nothing. It must be so difficult to go through, I know it was for my mum and all who visited me. Sounds like your husband does need some calming medicine. All the best.... Rosemary xx

  • Hi Lynda, my experience of this is that I was in denial about how seriously ill I had been and that my brain was functioning fine thank you very much. But I did realise that I needed help because I couldn't walk so had to stay until I could walk unaided again and also care for myself, washing , dressing making myself tea and a basic meal etc.

    At around 6 weeks in rehab I signed myself out and that was the correct decision for me, by then I could do all of the above and was only receiving physio for a 20 min period during the day and it was difficult for visitors to get to the rehab unit so I was lucky if I saw my husband for half an hour after work.

    Then when I got home the rehab on my brain started in earnest, I quickly realised just where my deficits lay with normal day to day living and those I have had to address on my own.

    So do try to keep your husband in rehab until he is able to cope on his own, or as near as possible, or your support when he is home will be needed far more and if not careful you will become exhausted.

    Take care of yourself.

    Janet x

  • Exactly how I behaved a month after my TBI and a couple of weeks after my coma. Your brain isn't as controllable as it used to be yet you quickly feel as though you're back to normal, hence the desire to get out of somewhere you don't want or need to be!

    My brother sorted me out as he took me down to the car park to give me a lift home even though I had no approval from the wife or the hospital. Apparently I decided not to get out of the door and went with him for a brew instead. This non-authorised event stopped me talking about leaving instead I started to pursue authority from doctors.

    Good luck with resolving your challenge.

  • Hi, welcome and thank you for trying to understand and ask on here :-) I had my BI back in 2000 when I was 12. At the time we lived in Germany but the RTA was on the M25 - so through the early recovery my family were effectively stuck in England with no home - HUGE thanks to the Salvation Army at this time! Sorry...I'm rambling... I went to rehab a few months after first admitted to hospital, and a few months after rehab I was well enough for a brief holiday back home to Germany. Instantly, the effect of being at home seemed to help tremendously with my recovery - mainly I was a lot brighter my self! I know it's very early days and anger if definitely a major issue of a head injury, but perhaps try compromising - if you can, with help, bring him home for tea or something? Hope this helps, and best of luck xx

  • here is a suggestion what about asking for a care plan to be talked about with the doctor and speak about what essential support you might need for him once he comes home as you will need support for your self also , so if he asks you to take him home say what you all have agreed on. and like cat and other stated he might need some meds or counselling on what has happened . but you have to take care of yourself also. if possible what about him coming home for a day a week but returning back to the hospital when you all agree that he is strong enough and you have enough support in place for all.

  • My husband was exactly the same . he ended up with the bed rails up with what i can only describe as cot bumpers around plus big foam gloves 9n to stop him pulling tubes out . he has no recollection of any of this and it's thought to be delirium which happens after being in a coma . it won't last but is upsetting to see . don't take anything said personally he won't remember it and it will hopefully improve .

  • Welcome, Lynda.

    I did that after my haemorrhage, too, as my son has patiently explained, I was an absolute horror. I apparently kept trying to get out of bed, with wires and tubes coming out of various parts of me, and wouldn't 'be told' that I needed to keep still, or that the bed was at that angle for a reason. I was horribly argumentative with everyone, with visitors I can't remember having, with the nurses who HAD TO wake me up at regular intervals, and with my son, who was half-way through his A-levels at the time.

    As Cat rightly points out, the medics need to take a lead on this. During my latest round of surgery, there was a man on the ward insisting he had to 'get something from town', and another one who shrieked a lot, and tried to hit the nurses when they came anywhere near him. (The other man, at the far end of the ward had to have his bed-curtains closed, because he wouldn't keep his pyjama trousers on, the place was like a zoo, and the nurses need medals the size of dustbin lids, for calmly saying "No, you need to stay in bed, you've had an operation!" about 500 times a day.)

    Your husband isn't deliberately being difficult, for me, I only had fleeting windows of lucidity in the first week or so, and the medics MIGHT have told me where I was, and why, I just don't remember it. (On a side-line, my brain decided to 'confabulate' as well, I have strings of false memories, of things that never happened, but they were so vivid, they appeared true, endless, repeated requests of my son, or ex, to pass me my work-bag, which I insisted was down the side of the bed, amongst other false memories...)

    Ask the ward staff for support in explaining to him where he is, why, and why he needs to stay there. It might not 'stick' the first time, so repetition might be required. For me, I did eventually accept that I had to stay in bed, or in the hospital, but that didn't happen straight away.

  • Hi Lynda,

    I echo everything everyone else has said. I discharged myself (with a lot of help from family) and rehabilitation began properly when I got home. I couldn't sleep in hospital and this just contributes to feelings of being trapped and feeling frustrated and irritable (and wanting to go home). I realise now that longer rehab in Hopsital would probably have been wiser, but I must have gone on and on at my family so much - they felt sorry for me and helped me 'escape'. I do hope you can get sommehelpmto reason with your partner. Good luck :)

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