My Dads brain injury

Hi all,

Ive never done anything like this before and I hope I am on the right forum.

5 years ago my Dad suffered a brain injury and stroke and since then his behaviour and temper is becoming quite aggresive. I completely understand that when someone suffered auch trauma it can drastically effect their personality.

I was wondering if anyone else is going though something similar or would be able to offer any advice please. We live in Harlow Essex and there isn't any support groups local to us and we don't drive so I thought I could get some help on here.

Thank you for reading my post :)

15 Replies

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  • Hi Lou, have you contacted headway helpline? They are very helpful in finding the local groups. Behaviour changes are typical after BI and you should talk to your dads Gp about it as stroke cannot be explanation for abuse ( if thats the case). Im really recomending helpline; they can also advise the councelor in your area.

    Keep posting! You will get loads of support here :)

    Xx

  • Thank you :)

    He's not abusive. He just gets very frustrated and can get angry really quickly. Hes manor can get aggresive and its worrying. He's GP gave us a contact number for counsiling and it was only 6 sessions and then ya put back in the system and have to wait again for a long time. Its all very confusing and difficult. Thank you for your reply x

  • You might get more helpful advice from the Headway helpline regarding longer term, more intensive therapy. So many people here have sworn by Cognitive Behaviour therapy, saying it has changed their lives and saved their relationships.

    It's a gradual learning process of how our behaviour impacts on others and of strategies to cope with moments approaching loss of control.

    And the Stroke Association might be able to offer extra support and outlets in the form of meetings with other survivors. I know my neighbour, who's a stroke survivor, attends regular meetings and enjoys outings and swimming therapy with this organisation.

    Try Headway helpline (office hours--free calls) on 0808 800 2244 ; they're very approachable and supportive.

    Anger is such a common issue after any type of brain trauma and can be really challenging for both carer and survivor............I know I struggle every day to control this problem, though mainly aimed at myself

    Hope your dad gets the help he should Lou. Best wishes x

  • Hi Lou,

    You have found the right place for support and friendly advice but I can only reiterate what cat has said in that the Headway helpline is the first step forward for you. Its so so difficult for him and you because he's not the man he was and is trying to cope with it all as you are. Truly hope you have a peaceful Tuesday. Nick Xx

  • Hi Lou, as the others have said, ring Headway and chat with them. One thing I would suggest is that whenever your father is getting angry with you all, just walk away for a few minutes and then when you come back tell him that you will do it each time. It is understandable why he is like it but you need to try to help him to control his anger for the sake of the rest of the family. Lots of reassurance will help him too. Hopefully you can get him some more counselling to help him live with the person he is now, rather than expecting to be the person he was.

    Keep on this forum, it is wonderful - in the many, many years since my husband's bi this is the most help and information I have found anywhere.

    Good luck to you all, hope your father finds a way to exist in his new self. He is lucky to have a supportive family.

    Jan

  • Thank you all so much. I will contact the Headway help line and see where else we can go from here and look into other forms of theropy. I will keep you all posted :) thanks again x

  • All the advice sent is great. I'd also like to add talk to as many people as you need to...letting friends and family know should help and might open up some doors😊All the best and try and enjoy your time❤️

  • Hi.

    Yes I have suffered a B/I + a Stroke which happened in 1998 at the age off 32. Please let me know if I can help ???

    Steve.

  • Hi Lou

    Does your dad know that his behaviour is bad?

    I ask because it makes all the difference in the world.

    With a brain injury we have to relearn lots of things and many of us can vouch for the fact that anger is a biggie.

    If your dad understands maybe you could sit down as a family and talk about it.

    If it's possible you could agree on a word (if you can link it to something your dad enjoys even better) . Agree that it is only to be used when your dad is getting angry. Let him know that it is to help him to learn again and if he agrees practice using the word in a firm flat voice to distract his brain from whatever is overwhelming him at that moment.

    Please keep in touch and if we can help we will.

    Love n hugs

    Xoxo

  • He is aware that he can get angry. We often try and explain this but he doesn't seem to ubderstand which I completely get why he doesn't.

    Thats a good idea. I'll speak to my Mum and see what we can do :)

    Its a difficult situation. We don'r want to upset him or cause him any discomfort by bringing up such a sensative subject. Thank you for your reply x

  • Lou if he is aware then my personal opinion is that it is critically important for him to be involved as much as possible.

    Our independence is so high a priority for many of us even if we make a mess of things .

    Even let him suggest the word and agree that it is a cue to step back and calm (sorry can't think of a better word at the minute).

    I know this worked for me but at least it's worth a try.

    Love n hugs

    Xoxo

  • Lou, It is good that your dad is aware that he gets angry. As Cat said, anger is very common after brain injury, our tolerance levels plummet and an injured brain is easily overwhelmed and fatigued. The 'pause reflect' button is damaged and needs re-training. People can become very impulsive or have a short fuse. Ask your gp if your dad can see a neuropsychologist. With specialist help you can all learn to manage this. A damaged brain is easily overwhelmed.

    Best wishes

    Bonfire

  • Hello Lou

    I think your dad is scared. I totally understand this too. He lost control of himself and is afraid that this may happen again. I really do reiterate what others have said about contacting Headway. They are brilliant. Dad can have a home visit and just having someone to talk to who actually understands what you are saying is invaluable. I live in Bishops Stortford so I know that they can give support to our area.

    If you need to chat, please contact me. Wishing you well. Judith x

  • Hi Lou, I've been out of the country for 3 weeks without a phone (during which I became 50) so apologies for my reply.

    I'm a dad who survived a heavy TBI a couple of years ago which has provided me with a titanium skull that has tweaked my personality. Combination of factors have challenged my wife and two daughters, I do lose my temper quicker than previously but to some extent they do at times forget I suffered any injury so treat me or respond to me as they would have done in my earlier life. Big change for me that helps me recognize issues quicker is the fact I ma not as busy as I used to be. I am at home more than I ever was so pick up points I never would have done before. Another ongoing challenge for me is that although I never think backwards at my incident I can't help but think that people who knew me before now judge and at times treat me differently.

    Main points for me are that I believe everything happens for a reason and we only live once. I also try to remember that the two most powerful warriors, should I encounter any type of challenge, are patience and time.

    Hope it all works out for you.

  • Hi,

    Sorry for my late reply. Thank you for taking the time read and reply to my post.

    We are at a bit of a loose end at the moment but trying our best to get through it :)

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