Absolute terror and total fury. Interesting mix.

[randomphantoms]

Today I experienced both emotions at the same time and more intensely than I can ever remember.

I was aware of a few people around as I set off on my regular journey down an escalator (about 5 flights of stairs worth) and was about 10steps down when the thing stopped dead.

Thank goodness my left hand was gripping the hand rail as it always does because the rest of me was weeble wobbling and shaking like a leaf.

As the shaking subsided and I got some control of the wobbles I turned to face a mother and child at the top with full on fury as I was and am still convinced the child pressed the emergency stop button.

Don't ask me how but I managed to say nothing as the mother said she had no idea what happened and the child had a grin on his face.

It took everything I had not to lash out. Instead I sat on the escalator repeating to myself "it's OK you are still here you didn't fall. It's OK I'm still here" until I felt able to move on.

I am still here and a bit calmer now.

Love n hugs

Xoxo

[cat3]

That's horrible. I hate those 'down' escalators. I won't use them for fear of losing my balance & falling, so I sympathise totally with your sense of panic.

If my child had dared to interfere with a public facility he/she would certainly not be grinning !

Glad you're calmer now ; hope you have a restful sleep m'dear. xx

[RogerCMerriman in reply to cat3]

I do use them, relying on what I am ie a very strong with a long reach, ie I can and do at times rely on being able to steady/hold postion using my grip on the esculators/buses etc.

I do get freaked by large crowds particularly if moving in a rush.

[Gaia_rising]

I can empathise entirely with that whole scenario. I have occasional episodes of what I term 'irrational anxiety' (after the event, IN the event I'm usually rooted-to-the-spot-in-terror that there's a wasp in my ear, that I'm going to fall over, that I'm just going to SCREAM...), I also have issues with 'disproportionate irritability', which is difficult, when part of my life involves mixing with people. I'm coming to terms with it, remembering to 'step outside' it, rather than just storm out of the room.

Less of the rage is going full-blown now, although there is a visible tremor/tic when I'm pushing it back under, and I can generally keep myself moving through the anxiety. Long, tiring leaning curve, but I'm pulling myself through.

[paxo05]

Congratulations Random for keeping calm and not being arrested.

I am sure keeping my temper also helped me learn to count again ......at least up to 10 anyway.

Pax x

[peaches2]

Hope you're feeling better today! I would not be happy if that was one of my children and I'd be making them apologise straight away! Yes children can get up to things but seriously...why was the parent not watching them and then to say she didn't know what happened...oh well that says it all! xx

[randomphantoms]

Thank you all.

Your understanding has helped a lot and I went to bed muttering bubbles rainbows and butterflies repeatedly to myself.

I briefly woke up with a strong feeling of fear and anger. When I realised what it was I started muttering nice things again and slept well.

Still annoyed but I'll get over it.

Thanks again

Hope you all have a good night tonight.

Love n hugs

Xoxo

[Elenor3]

Hi,

I feel sooo sorry for you, I really understand I have a similar but different frontal lobe issue. It's improved massively front post accident when I was bursting into tears about thirty times a day. It developed into a mixture of sometimes inappropriate uncontrollable laughter followed by floods of tears before switching back to laughter in the space of ten minutes..........oh my Lord.........glad this condition seems to be a slowly developing one which I'm getting used to I feel really sorry for you hope you're having a better day today. xxx