Husband keeps wanting to discharge

[Yoda8888]

My husband keeps saying he wants to go home, he says this everyday even though therapists have explained to him why still not safe yet for him to go home. He will then get upset & says he'll get discharge himself. He will say he feels suicidal. Sigh. Does this sound familiar?

[paxo05]

Hi Yoda.

This takes me back. I am afraid he is at the mid stage.

He is not sick enough to just lay there and recover but not yet well enough to return home.

Please do not allow him to discharge himself......I did ....and my recovery suffered.

Once home he will recover better...dont know why but you do. But only once you are fit enough to go home.

Good luck.

Pax

[Kirk5w7]

I signed myself out of rehab, but I knew I would be OK on my own at home. I only signed myself out because all I was getting was 20 mins of physio a day and I could do that myself.

Is there enough going on to stimulate him, boredom is an issue, I was sick of watching tv plus because of which rehab unit I was in, I only got a 5-10 min visit each day from my husband, work and traffic permitting. So it relieved a lot of stress for the family, plus I actually improved quicker, but that wouldn't be the case for everyone.

Hope this works out xxxx Janet

[StrawberryCream]

I can relate/understand how your husband is feeling because I refused to go to rehab as just had an overwhelming feeling of needing to be at home in my own familiar and comforting surroundings. I was fed up with all the pulling and poking, tubes everywhere, demands to now do physio etc etc. Plus I knew my young son, then 5 yrs old, needed me home and his distress was probably the overriding factor that made me determined I was going home and no where else when discharged from hospital. However, managing was then a major struggle because there was little available to support and aid my recovery. I was still relieved to be home though. Due to a lack of access to specialist services I do wonder if it would have been a better outcome had I gone to rehab.

[Yoda8888]

He won't be able to discharge himself as they have done that so called "Deprivation of Liberty" thing so due to his safety they can stop him being discharged. The main problem with my husband is that he seemed to have lost his insight so at times not knowing what is right or wrong so he cannot make the right decision. It is frustrating because this rehab does provide physiotherapy, occupational therapy etc but he can't seem to see that he needs the help as he cannot see that he is unwell. I wish that his thinking will get better so that he will engage in therapy more. I am so worried that he will get more and more depress so I am praying that one day he will get it and want to do more to get well. Hopefully when they transfer him to another place, it'll still be a place for brain injury and behaviour issues etc he might feel better as it looks more homely there, small place with 8 residents. I've told the consultant that his care needs should be met over at the new place and they said it will. We shall see. The move might not happen quickly as need to make sure there's a bed there. I really hope that a change of place will be better for him.

[Hidden]

it might be worth investigating a weekend at home, i know when I got the same point in wanting to go home, being able to plan with my wife and the hospital staff a series of 'holidays' at home provided a focus that made the stay in hospital more bearable and it allowed us to check out the access and adaptations that would be needed at home.

[Elenor3]

Hi I understand both sides of your situation - I refused to go on to a rehabilitation centre because being in hospital was making me ill. Being prodded and poked and dealt with as if you're a child feels very demeaning......and on some occasions it can feel intimidating because your ability to be autonomous is taken away. Experiencing feelings like this while trying to recover form serious physical injury is very challenging indeed. I was very lucky to have support from a specialist community neuro team/physios/OT and able to attend lots of out patient appointments because my partner is self emoloyed. That said - I can see with hindsight that another month in hospital would have done me good if I'd perhaps had a private room away from the crazy goings on of the ward I was in, perhaps if I'd been allowed to sleep through the night & not been woken every four hours with someone sticking a thermometer in my ear (sometimes very roughly), and having a torch shone in my eyes when someone unexpectedly lifts your eyelids lol .....I wouldn't have felt so exhausted. Problems did arise once I was home - but nothing insurmountable. One thing which was a life saver was the radio I-player. I couldn't read for several months & still can't stand watching TV - but there are hundreds of really interesting programmes on the radio that can offer a bit of stimulation and enjoyment. If your husband dowsnt alresdy have access to this - it may be worth suggesting? I don't know how I'd have survived these last few months with out it . Please pass on good wishes from me and tell your husband it does get better. It's starting to dawn on me now that full recovery is going to take longer than I think - and I guess he may be experiencing that thought too? Sending you a big hug - it's so hard for you as well. Very difficult all round......wishing you all the very best. Jimbles

[MXman]

I can relate to his feelings as all I wanted to do when I was in hospital was go home and every morning I thought that would be the morning I would go. I was absolutely convinced I was fine and ok and what was all the fuss about.

Little did I know that when I eventually got home after about 10 days I was useless. Went back to work and had to come home at 11 as fell asleep in the corner but I had to get the project finished. It was a slow process as I had terrible brain fatigue and needed naps at intervals and was learning about my Bi. Not a good place to be.

Funny when I look back now because as I said I was so convinced I was ok but I clearly wasn't.

If you can don't let him discharge himself as it sounds like he's in the best place and give him reassurance as my wife did. Nick

[pollyanne]

Hi ,Been in your shoes. My husband used to plead with me to just kidnap him and take him home -it was heartbreaking! How long has he been in? Eventually the staff realised he probably would be better at home with the right help, but it is getting the right help which is imperative ie speech therapists, physio etc. It was hard work when he first came home as looking back he was still suffering post trauma, but he did recover well, but the family made a routine of teaching him, so in a way it was hospital but at home. He also had to be watched 24/7 as he would forget to switch

things off and use the wrong item ie razor instead of toothbrush!

I think you have to use your 'gut' feel what you think would be best for him, as you

are the person who knows him best. Good Luck-a hard decision!

[Curly-sue]

Hi yoga,yeah this sounds very familiar. My husband has been the same he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him he thinks he can still do everything he used to so he got out of bed last week and face planted the floor ending up with a big cut above his eyebrow which needed 7 stitches , a huge swollen black eye and bruising to his arm and shoulder and still he thinks he can walk. He gets very upset and says he's going home and no-one can stop him because he has rights but unfortunately for him he doesn't he also has a deprivation of liberty against him too but it's for his own good he's definitely not ready to come home yet. I wish they got more then 20 minutes of physio a day but that's just the way they work but it's definitely not long enough they should have it at least 3 times a day they would get on a lot quicker. My husband has calmed down a lot now and doesn't go on about going home half as much as he did so hang on in there it does get easier. Take care Sue xx

[Yoda8888 in reply to Curly-sue]

I really do hope that he will get calmer & not ask as often to come home. Whilst I was at work yesterday morn I had a call saying he fell down Thurs night & then yesterday evening/Fri I was told he fell down again 3 times. He has got ataxia so started shaking again fr Thurs. I spoke to him on the phone & he asked me to bring him home so I had to explain to him again why he can't come home yet. Its heartbreaking. I'm there whole day today & Sunday so hopefully it won't b too stressing. Because I have to work I only get to see him afternoon till night on Tues & Thurs as I work half days those 2 days & on weekends whole days. Sometimes I feel I might b stressing him out when I'm there too often. It's sometimes hard to know what is the right thing to do.

[normaandrews509]

My husband had a back of brain stroke at last Easter Monday. What a learning process we have been through. He is still and re hab at Leisure Centre learning to walk again and keep body strong.

[bertiefred]

Hi there , I can see your post was a year ago . I am exactly where you were then with my husband. I just wondered how it is now for you and your husband a year on , and how long he stayed in hospital?

My husband had his accident 8 weeks ago . He had a terrible time in an acute hospital ward , and has now been in rehab for 2 weeks . The rehab hospital is 100 miles away from home which means I can't be with him every day

He cries down the phone and tells me I am not doing enough to get him home . He has no insight into his difficulties which are mostly cognitive, and he still gets confused at times ( although this is getting less) . He is under DOLS and I am concerned he will not get the help he needs if he comes home.

It is so hard to know what to do for the best .