I got a phone call today whilst at work from Cumbria care. I thought it was for mark. I explained we don't need any care for him we are taking care of mark. The lady on the phone said no I'm calling for you we want to help you. What a fool i felt when i broke down in tears in the middle of my office!
I'm a very private person you see. My mam used to say i was as deep as the ocean. I've had to be strong all my life with one thing or another.
She knew i was reluctant to talk and offered to come and see me and our daughters who are both living at home and are care workers 25 and 19. They think it's a good idea. In their words. You need to live too mam 😢
I'm very mixed up today. I feel i bring out the negative in mark alot. Maybe it's because i work (have to ) and by time i get home marks tired. I just wish he would say or do something to let me know I'm not totally invisible.
Maybe it's time to talk but I'm scared. Not told anyone anything about these last few months and no one has asked how I'm doing.
I'm sorry think I'm feeling abit sorry for myself today. Your my unknown out let xx
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debbie36a
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10 Replies
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I really hope you can get some help, if only to give you a breather now,and then and feel less lonely. This is a huge upheaval for you and it is still so recent, you will still be coming to terms with it. Mark is getting the help he needs so maybe you can think about yourself for a bit. I wish you and your family tons of luck and accept any help with a big smile, you deserve it.
REACH OUT! i was always miss independent i can manage until my hubby had his b.i then i had to,had to ask my friends and family for lifts to the hospitail had to ask for fincaial help and rang headway,who are amazing! you need support as well how else are you going to manage care and work? you will feel so much better and rember how amazing you are! all the best xx
Hi Debbie
I'm Jo and I'm 8 years post B.I. My hubby is Derek and he's been my main career and like you works full time. And together we say.......Take all the help you can get for yourself, and your girls. In the long run it will help you help yourselves and help towards helping Mark. Debbie.......you are not at all being selfish. This site is great
for all our needs.......help, advice, laughter, tears, understanding, not being judged
Oh and soooooo much more 👌.
Hey, don't apologise, we all hide our feelings and then when someone asks how you are it all floods out. I am sure the lady who is coming to see you will be lovely and very helpful.
You are being very brave and loving. I am sure you are not bringing negativity out in Mark. Perhaps when you return home he is tired, still coming to terms with his BI injury and wonders what the future holds for him. I found it very hard being at home all day, whilst used to having a full on career. It is just going to take time, but as others say, get all the help you offered. My partner and I turned down support as it was not really explained to us how serious my TBI would affect us. A nurse from neuro specialist centre call, but the call was very vague and said if we had any problems we could see the team, but did not explain the services they provided, and problems we may devlop later on. This was about four months post injury and bang a year later we were in trouble and at breaking point. Sorry I am waffling, even if you do not think it is appropriate help at the time, I suggest grab it, you may need it later. I wish we had been more aware of the problems.
Yes, often the carers are forgotten, and yes you do have a life, and entitled to a bit of you time. Do not try and do everything and work because you can only maintain the level of capacity until something becomes too much, stressful, tired and not just for you but your daughters too. Mark will improve but it is a long waiting game, and unfortunately patience is a viture. I am sure the lady will be wonderful, and with respect the fact that you became upset when she called you today, subconsciously you perhaps need her already without realising . Good luck and take care xx
Taking the step of admitting you need help and accepting that help is like jumping across a gap in a bridge. It's really scary to think about doing it but once you make the leap you'll find that life becomes easier and all sorts of relationships can develop because of it. You will feel less pressure and become happier which is only a good thing for Mark.
I was a very stubborn and proud person but was facing financial ruin after my BI. Once I made the leap to accept help from other people I found that the bond between me and those people grew stronger.
I hope this will be a similar thing for you if you accept the help.
I am so pleased that you have been offered this help. Don't worry, it will be strictly confidential. You have nothing to lose and perhaps much to gain from this.
You do incredibly well, working and caring for Mark - it must leave little time or energy for yourself. I feel that Mark may be struggling with his recent changes in ability and all the knock on effects - this could account for his distant behaviour.
I am also a private person and aside from in depth discussions with my dog and rabbit ( to be fair it is generally a little one sided ! ) this is my outlet too ! : )
debbi36a my wife had a melt down at work because of me thats how i came to be referred to a psychiatrist and neuro psychiatrist.....and a headways group......i wasnt interested but went along.
scariest thing id done since my stroke, i stuck to her like glue smiling but not saying a word it took me months now we look after each other as a group and we re in contact with each other in between meetings.
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I would like you all to do something for me.
Can i do it
I don’t know what to do. Can someone advise me. Please. 
write like Yoda, do I now
