Im a little puzzled by some thing and wondered if anyone here could help. As said in my first post I had a pretty horrific Moto Cross accident back in May and I'm recovering well but damage was done to the frontal lobe of my brain. My question is this: Why can't I remember the accident? even the lap I was doing is a struggle but the session I rode before I can remember completely. It happened after a large jump in which my handle bars caught the protection hay bails and I ended up loosing control on the downward slope of the jump and going flying being flipped and bumped until I came to a standstill but was unconscious for 4.8 minutes. Is it the brains way of protecting you by shutting down as it happens? I don't remember even the lap about 2 minutes long or the run up before the jump but I rode this track a lot and know it well. Its a little frustrating as I'm fighting in my head as to what exactly happened. I can't remember and even if my life depended on it still couldn't remember. I only know what happened by what spectators saw and what the marshals view.
Can anyone help?? N
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That sounds like many people's accounts of their BIs, whether ABI or TBI. Mine was a sudden haemorrhage and all I remember is feeling faint then nothing for over a month.
Everything I know about most of my time in Acute Care is what I've been told by family.
And all those with RTAs and serious head injuries have said exactly what you're saying ; they have no recollection of any of it.
Those 'lost' weeks haunted me for some time after I was discharged, but I had to just accept eventually, that there was never any way I'd ever reach them again, and to let them go. x
Oh, and the answer to 'Why' is probably what you said yourself..................that it's a protective mechanism. Although I imagine that once there is damage of any kind (especially frontal lobe) the function of memory simply ceases spontaneously. x
i have no memory of being admitted to hospital or being transferred to critical care. apart from one memory island of an assessment ward (falling, i thought i could stand but couldnt).
i am not sure if they call this memory loss retrograde amnesia, it might not be. i just dont know whats happening in the brain. found a couple of links, but have not read them through.
when i started to get better my family asked which clothes they should bring in. clothes? i had no memory of which clothes i owned. but although the circumstances of my injury where quite traumatic for my family to watch, i was ok with everything and ok with the memory loss.
All I can remember from my accident is putting my right foot on to the tree I climbed that day and then the next thing I remember is waking up about 6 hours later in hospital, I got told I woke up in the ambulance to throw up, and I got told I woke up in the CT scanner and was really agitated and nearly smashed my head in to the top of the scanner, I also have people and memories from my past wiped out of my head some good memories and some bad memories,
I think it could be some sort of a safety mechanism to do with the brain trying to protect you during the accident, I'm not sure if there will be a definite answer as to why we don't remember the accident's or what happened, all I know is what I've been told and it's took 4 years to know pretty much what happened that day and what dr's said,
Hope you get answers to your questions that puts your mind at ease about your accident and hopefully it'll help with your recovery in the future, I'm sorry I can't be of any more help,
I drove myself daft trying to get back the memory of my accident. The specialist said it was lost forever, like a tv, if you lose the power you lose the picture, you can't get it back when the power returns, just the program from where the power is returned.
I hope this helps a little.
I would say try not to drive yourself mad forcing a memory that is not there, but I did the same thing obsessively for years!
I've been told about a doctor who interacted with me assessed and diagnosed me. But I have no memory of him, found out his name don't know what he looks like, don't remember the conversations I am supposed to have had with him.I have to tell him one day when I have more time just what he's done.
Exactly, I couldn't remember for the life of me. It is strange.
Thank you so much for your replies, I really love this forum. Its difficult for me and I'm sure others because when I have come off before I can remember what happened and put a reason or explanation to it but in this instance I can't and I'm fighting it or was. Its a bit clearer now knowing others have experienced similar situations with memory loss. I too was a little angry in the ambulance and the hospital not knowingly but wanted to take the protective blocks off my head and go back to the track. I have no memory of this just what I was told by the Doctors and my wife and kids. I will let it go and accept it. N
During a Brain injury the brain clearly is effected and the brain being the fantastic computer it is copes remarkably well, but some memory will not get stored. Ie make it to long term memory.
Repress memories are another thing, clearly it's possible to have both.
my last memory of that day was opening one of the gates and saying hi to one of the dog walkers, this was 6min 35s into my commute, at 7mins 43s the GPS says I've stopped rather suddenly and there I remain.
Hello again, I can see that other people have already replied, and, in some ways I'm just echoing. I have two perspectives on this, and, they're both coming to the same conclusion.
During the summer holiday before my last year at primary school, I was hit by a car as I crossed a road. Fractures to pelvis, femur, some ribs, some fingers, and my skull. I remember why I was crossing the road, I remember what I was wearing, I remember looking left, right, and left again. I don't remember the car hitting me on my right side, and flipping me over the bonnet, or anything at all until waking up in hospital.
With the haemorrhage, in February, I was admitted to hospital on the Saturday, and Thursday and Friday are pretty sketchy, I've no recollection of anything much until about a week later. With a greater understanding of brain function than I had when I was 10, I've reasoned that, at some point during Friday, my brain went into shutdown/survival mode, concentrating only on essential functions.
I appreciate that some people do have memories of trauma, and that flashbacks are real, but, in my case, there's the same 'missing' period just before each trauma, a few seconds with the RTA, I couldn't tell you what colour the car that hit me was, because I have no memory of seeing it speeding towards me. With the ruptured aneurysm, I recall the pain very, very clearly, and having to ask a friend from work to phone the husband to come and get me, because I couldn't remember the phone number. I do also recall asking him to "Look into my eyes, to see if you can see a haemorrhage.", but then, pretty much nothing between going to bed at home, and waking up in hospital.
I can't say why some people remember, and some don't, but I can say, from my perspective, that it's perfectly logical and reasonable to have bits missing. Or not.
Funny that I can remember other accidents and exactly remember what happened and learn from them but not this. It was a fast very sudden accident so maybe thats why as you all have said the brain goes into protection mode and shuts down. Clever really, another clue is the unconsciousness of over 4 minutes, again the brain is forcing me to sleep to protect itself and me.
Just my theory, but it sits well with me, that the brain can't be doing with remembering whether the front door was locked etc, during that immediate need to preserve basic functioning. I'm not a girly girl, and the fact that I lost consciousness should have been a clear indicator to me that something was horribly wrong. I don't 'faint', I'm harder than a Rotweiller in Doc Martens, but my body dropping and telling me to STOP should have told me I needed an ambulance, not the husband to come and pick me up.
I was incredibly angry at first, that I had 'lost' a week of my life, but I'm coming to accept that I was in a medically critical state for the first bit, and effectively in an induced coma for the second bit. I am grateful that I came through it, some people don't, but, I'm a tenacious, and determined creature, I keep looking for ways around it, it's in my nature.
Onwards and upwards, in this ridiculous adventure.
On the day I had my TBI, the last thing I remember, was getting into my newly acquired pick up, to drive down to the stables!
Apparently I rode another horse first, but I have no recollection of anything that day. I was in a coma for 4 days, and left hospital 3 and a half weeks later. My first memories were 2 months after, and apparently I was going to a rehab centre with my son almost every day.
I learnt to walk and talk again, well before my Brain recovered what was actually going on. Strange!
Sounds awful Nutkin losing 4 days let alone 4 minutes well a few hours like I did. I am really grateful that I didn't break anything or really hurt myself but then again breaks can be seen brain injuries can't. Its just a bit frustrating as I can't learn from what happened as I can't remember it.
And loosing a week of your life too but isn't it quite incredible that we bounce back and get on with it even if we do have to accept it and learn... A friend of mine called Barry West had a life changing car crash 3 years ago which paralysed him from the neck down I remember talking to him after 6 months, he was still in hospital and all he wanted to do was die. He was playing face down with only his reflection to keep him company along with the Doctors and nurses. He had the same value as he still wanted to die after 2 years but what an incredible journey he's had my God. He now goes around with his helpers the Westy Warriors doing sky dives and climbing mountains in order to show others that life goes on and nothing will stop him. "Bring it On" is his message. He didn't have a brain injury but again its amazing how the will to live and adapt comes through. He now is going to be a father after the second session of IVS with his girlfriend how fantastic is that... Sorry going on a bit here just thinking of him and how stuff can change you. N
My husband fell from a ladder in April he was in critical care for 3 weeks and hdu for 2 weeks. When he was brought out of his induced coma he said i need to get home I've been here 3 days already. He can't remember anything about that morning either.
I have been told its the brains protective mechanism.
All I remember of the day of my accident is riding Lucy, a pony who I was excercising at the yard I kept my horse. I vaugley remember a friend coming to visit my horse. The rest, nothing, I have been told the vet and farrier came and I was bubbly and happy. I was probably excited because the equine dentist was a friend I hadn't seen for a while due to her moving to Ireland. I don't even remember seeing her, she called the ambulance and travelled to the hospital with me. I don't remember a thing.
I have discussed it with my counsellor, I struggle to come to terms with Something I don't remember. Like you, I only have other peoples accounts of what happened. X
I also have experienced my own Moto x accident a few years ago and more so have been involved in very much loved ones who both suffered horrific head injuries in a R.T.A and there seems to be a built in shut down protection built in to us all that cuts off our memories and or blocks out the events prior to the accident .
In some cases it can return in flash backs it did for me and in others never returns and in our case for our loved ones it was best that they did not have any recollection of the accident .
A friend of ours is recovering back in Ireland after a dreadful crash at the TT in June 2015 , and can not recall anything in and around the morning of the crash only waking up days later in hospital, he is a top named rider who my girls got to know very well and send him our best wishes .
The medicines and treatments available are truly life changing and saved our loved ones , and in one case was a miracle and advanced methods gave us back a lovely Boy in the second case.
You are right the people and this site is a great Tonic and has helped me /us all through some truly dark days and times and you are never alone day or night when you have access to Headway, a trouble shared is one halved in my book.
If you ever feel you need to chat drop me a message ( MX Man /fellow ktm rider ) as help is always here from 76 .
Sending best wishes and big hugs from Alex and Elizabeth to . . .
Thanks Vimto. Are you on the KTM Forum? Recognise the name. Im learning its a cut out brain function and its proberbly to save us just frustrating as I would like to know what happened instead of being told. I also know a few TT riders but they ride side car but fortunately none have had bad accidents or life threatening ones. Talk soon. N
Yes mate on the ktm forum as Mudfox but I don't go on there very much. I spanner at the TT for Ian Pixie Patterson and we had 6 finishes in the top 25. I have links to the sidecars back there for the Manx G p next week for the trails sidecars 2 day meeting I won best new comer back in 2009 did it for McMillan Cancer , we are riding next year for the Great North Air Ambulance, like I say here if you fancy a chat in box me I ll give you my number.
My best guess is that in many ways a normal brain is a bit like one of the in car cameras that views everything.
The difference is that those cameras automatically select and record an accident where the brain deletes it probably because there is far too much information to process in the time available and the overwhelming tendency towards unpleasant is not a viable survival strategy.
Hopefully you can let it go and know that your brain was protecting you.
All I remember is friends coming to my apt and taking me to hospital after that nothing not even the CT scan or the ambulance journey to another hospital.
According to my friends when I was being asked if I knew where I was I apparently said somewhere completely different to where I actually was !!
Even now just over 2 years ago I can't re call any of the above mentioned or being taken to the 2nd hospital.
My accident was 35 years ago, and I've never been able to recall even what I was doing the hours before the accident. Apparently I was conscious after being hit by a car (drunk driver) and screaming in pain. I was also conscious post the operation on my brain, but I still recall a sort of "waking up" one day about 10 days after the accident to discover all these opened letters to me which I read again as if for the first time.
It would be good to be able to remember at least the time before the accident, but I've always just accepted that I can't. I suspect also that I was in such pain that my brain is protecting me from remembering that part.
I can't remember anything of the day I was blue'd and two'd to hospital ended up in a coma for 3 weeks on the brink of losing my life. I have had to piece together what went on that day by other people telling me. I have also lost a least a year of memory prior to that day as well and yes it's called retrograde amnesia. I am 4 yrs on and nothing has triggered the 'remembering'. I have photos of things I did but still have no memory. When I came out of the coma I thought my son had really grown and as he was in school uniform I thought my friend had brought his uniform and taken him to start school - of course I had done that but didn't remember and because of the loss of memory time I thought he was still in preschool hence also why to me he had grown!! Thankfully I didn't loss more length of retrograde memory and forget he was my son!! Have to say I still find it hard to feel ok about the memory lost but I do know it isn't going to come back.
I tend to agree with Roger that we don't remember that missing time because the brain function is severely disrupted and doesn't lay down the memories (or, at least, not in a way that allows them to be recalled).
I have about 3 hrs pre-traumatic amnesia and about the same post-traumautic amnesia (although, it was probably more like 5hrs as the memories in the 3 hr to 5 hr region were just 'one offs' rather than a narrative, a bit like Robocop as they build him).
I don't really go for the 'protection' mechanism, as I've suffered other major injuries and life events that I did remember at the time, and at least some of them should have invoked any putative protective measures!!!
(I may have subsequently forgotten most of them now, but that's just part of my 'normal' poor long-term memory).
I have about 3 hrs pre-traumatic amnesia and about the same post-traumautic amnesia (although, it was probably more like 5hrs as the memories in the 3 hr to 5 hr region were just 'one offs' rather than a narrative, a bit like Robocop as they build him).
Yes I agree with you all, it seems the brain is disrupted in some way and doesn't store that time before the accident and after it must be a defence mechanism. As said frustrating though but must be needed. I wonder if the brain needs to to this in order to switch itself in to "Unconscious" mode?
Welcome to the weird world of post traumatic amnesia. PTA is very very common after brain injury, whilst there could be some psychological effect which means blacking out the accident is helpful i'm more in favour of a physical cause, disruption to the circuits and the brain shutting down anything not essential for keeping you alive. After all it might be helpful to forget your injury but not sure the same can be said of the days, weeks or sometimes months afterwards.
Loss of memory after the injury is sometimes called ante-retrograde amnesia, loss of memories before the the injury is retrograde, this seems to be common for a short period before, in rarer cases people can lose long periods. it is becoming common to use the length of PTA as an indicator of longer term recovery rather than the more traditional measures like coma scale or length of coma after injury. this is probably mostly because people are kept in induced coma after an accident so length of unconsciousness is a bit artificial. My PTA was about 3.5 weeks and it took a while to come to terms with that period of time being lost for ever but i found it harder to cope with not remembering things that happened in the next couple of months when i was supposedly o.k but short term memory was still pretty poor.
Though I lost a minute pre, took days before continuous (of sorts) memory resumed,
on the day of, discharge I rember being puzzeled why the nurse was asking me where I was, and so on so i stopped having islands of memory though I was still fairly confused.
I was very tired a lot of time which muddies the water some what, even a month on at christmas day my wife cooked and looked after me I remeber almost nothing of the day, I remeber being loved/happy but no detail.
I was very confused just after the accident and didn't really know where I was or what was going on and I was convinced it was because I was given morphine in the ambulance. Not sure if I was or not but I couldn't remember getting to the hospital or leaving the track where the accident happened or any of that and I can't now. I guess its exactly what you said skipper amazing how this happens and especially pre accident. As you said Roger I was extremely confused...
Hi. I had my B/I in 1998 in Spain on the 1st day off a family holiday. I have got no idea off what happened beforehand and my weeks stay/brain operation in Barcalona Hospital.
I even had no idea that I had an air ambulance/full medical team to return back to Birmingham. Apparently. I had full on police/ambulance blues & two's all the way to the hospital.
Once we landed back in Birmingham Hospital everybody had too stop and let me rush through. I didn't even need to "Stop and show my Passport"
Mind you the others returned 1st Class "Lucky Bleeders!"
I have/will always be glad off the few pounds that travel insurance cost us!!
Otherwise we would have lost the house as the total bill for the treatment's went into thousands off pounds!!!!!
I have been told off the events leading upto and afterwards. Even my 3mnt stay over here in Birmingham.
Mind you I think it's the brains way off coping with the truma that's going on around us.
Some off the things that I was also doing/saying was well out off context for me as well.
Thanks Steve. Isn't it strange how our brains block out the horrible stuff... Im having a few problems with fatigue though. Not physically tired but mentally about 2:00 ish.
I want to add a few points to this: it gets worse as the week goes on. Today is Wednesday and my fatigue is bad tonight just feel totally brain tired. Funny because I was absolutely fine on Sunday a few sleeps in th day but no real fatigue. Monday's are good and Tuesday's are ok but today is awful, always in th evening...??
Hi. Yes I also think it is the Brains way off healing / reorganising. itself following such a Traumatic Event in the 1st place.
I had a family member who had complete liver failer recently. On admission into hospital they put him into an enduseted coma & on to life support so that the docs could control his "vital organs"
(Bin + Rest)
Unfortunately he never made it, the damaged liver poisoned him.
This was a real shock as he was only 45yrs old.
It was a shock as the doctors can do great things with our Brains but they seemed powerless with his liver!!
Steve.
Hi. My husband was knocked off his cycle by a van on his way home. He remembers locking up his factory & getting on his bike (after putting his helmet etc on) then beginning to ride. The only memory after that is waking up confused in hospital 2 days later with the odd memory of the rest of the week. He is really struggling with not being able to remember anything about the accident or afterwards. He was told by the consultant that the brain pathways shut down when it suffered the trauma, a bit like when you drop a laptop. It then has to heal the pathways & start making memories again so in effect it is unable to store the traumatic injury.
Like you MXman my husband is finding fatigue a major factor in any recovery & trying to work is challenging enough with the orthopedic injuries he sustained. He now spends most evenings when gets home & weekends in bed as he is drained. Some days he can't make it into work at all especially as the week goes on.
On the upside reading others comments makes us feel like we're not alone in this.
Yes this is my struggle at the moment its quite strange how progressive it is too. Monday is fine then Tuesday a little harder but ok but by Wednesday evening I'm brain shattered not phisically tired but brain tired. Thursday I'm Ok depending on the sleep Wednesday night but Friday brain shattered again but it does depend on what I'm doing.
I have a building company and we specialise in larger 2 storey extension and I work on the tools too I'm a carpenter and that can take it out of me. The frontal lobe where I sustained my injury controls coordination and thought processes so its constantly strained while at work but I'm sure all this will improve. I do look on the positive side in that I'm still alive and not really badly injured but my thought processes on people have changed too which is unfortunate. I go completely blank when I'm being talked to some times and just don't want to be part of the conversation. People have told me that this is quite normal as the brain doesn't want to store stuff thats not important, but its important to the person talking to me...
There a so many a lot worse off than me that I have spoke to so I do consider myself a lot better off than others who have sustained BIs but it still doesn't alter the fact that you can't see a BI and some people just don't understand.
All the best and if you need to talk give me a shout on here. N
Morning. It's bizzare but everything you write is exactly what my husband says, it's almost like it's him writing it LOL!. He to had a small bleed to the frontal lobe which has healed but has left him with memory problems, difficulty finding the right word, migraine symptoms & stuttering. He works in a factory making & testing gas burners for stoves, he struggles with concentrating & now needs regular breaks to cope. Like you he starts Monday ok but as the week goes on its so difficult that he often has to take Fridays off as he has burnt out. This really frustrates him as he's desperate to get back to how he was before. His accident was 2 & half years ago & is very lucky to be alive. He had 2 weeks in hospital & 5 months off work even then he went back a bit too soon. He's not quite accepted that he's not going to be the same as before especially after his orthopedic injuries have meant his mobility is poor. However on the upside while we've had to adapt to life with the way he is & the equipment he now needs, it's made us both appreciate what's important in life & I get to tease him!! Especially when we go shopping as the noise & bustle really affects him so while he gets plonked in a quiet coffee shop I can shop without being tutted at 😂
I think humour never leaves us... Its difficult though as my injury was in May this year and I'm recovering well but my family were there when it happened so was very scary for them. Both my kids ride but it shook them up too and I'm having to adapt. Like your husband I went back to work the week after coming out of hospital which was to soon but I was so keen to get back to normal and I couldn't drive for 6 weeks. I thought I was going to ride the next day...ha ha how wrong was I and drive. I am learning to take it easy and listen to what my body is telling me, iv always been very fit and healthy and very energetic but it seems to have subsided a bit, liked knocked the drive out of me. I wanted to be back to where I was before the accident and couldn't understand why it was taking so long but iv learnt that with BI it takes time. Have a great day well whats left of it and hope to talk soon. N
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