I'm new here. I had an accident just over 2 years ago in which the car I was in got hit by another car overtaking in the fast lane of the motorway and the driver fell asleep. I was diagnosed with a head injury (not immediately) but didn't see anyone else as I had a new GP (I'd just moved) and she kept forgetting to send letters off/couldn't work out where to send me etc etc. I had an immediate change in myself when it happened, it was a very bad year (I won't describe it all here, suffice to say that finding this group and Headway's site has provided indescribable relief). 14 months later, I had another accident, a young chap drove into the back of our stationary car at 30 mph. I got very bad after that, not sure my brain problems got worse but I definitely got stressed beyond the point of no return with the car). I then got diagnosed with post concussion syndrome. I'm now with Poole rehabilitation unit and getting a proper diagnosis and lots of help.The problem I want to ask someone for advice about probably sounds really stupid but it's stressing me out so badly.
My partner smokes marijuana and it makes me terrified. I know that sounds quite ridiculous but I can't help it. I have tried to analyse it (which is almost impossible now to be honest) but I think it is to do with loss of control. I feel very vulnerable because my brain no longer works as it did and I can't rely on it to help me when I need it to. I feel that I would like my partner to be able to do that as much as possible and if he is smoking, he can't. He has problems with organisation and memory before he smokes so it really frightens me. He also grew it last year on our balcony, only a couple f little plants but I thought I was going to pass out from the stress. We live in a tiny town where that sort of thing would be on the front page of the paper if someone noticed and I don't know what happened to my coping mechanisms but I just don't have them currently. He has been driving while stoned (I found out by accident) and I feel I will never start to get better (the anxiety part of it in the car) while I have to worry about it; I feel endangered by this (but then again I feel terrible every time I get in the car). He is talking about growing it again this year and I now feel massively anxious again. The trouble is that I've tried to explain it loads of times to him but he tells me I'm being stupid and trying to control him, which I'm worried is how it seems, but this is not at all how it is from my perspective. He point blank refuses to stop. It just makes me feel completely unsafe, unsupported and as if I can't rely on him. I appreciate I am probably really a huge pain now since the accidents happened but I need someone to give me some perspective that I can understand.
Sorry to start here with such a stupid question
Thanks for anyone's input,