Im an enigma

[spideyman]

Saw a psychologist today who is giving me tests and she thinks im an enigma.

Shes gonna freak when i tell her im bionic too

[iforget]

Is that a good thing?

[Hidden]

How many rotors do you have and have you a 'Steckerbrett?'

[StrawberryCream]

What makes you an 'enigma' cos maybe I'm one too although can't join you with being bionic?!

[barny1]

Maybe that's a nice way of saying you're twisted? Aren't we all...

[Nutkin33]

Ha ha! At least you still have a good sense of humour! 😃😃

[Hidden]

Thought I knew what enigma meant but unsure so looked it up: 'a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation. Someone or something that is difficult to understand or explain.'

But I think ALL brain injuries are SO unique that we who have them and everyone else has BIG trouble understanding what we can/can't do and struggle with. We all have our own DNA (ish) and each brain injury/person is unique but with ABI we often have little areas we might do really well in and others poorly, I know I do., and everyone else?

And trying to find out WHERE exactly our difficulties lie can be really tricky especially when they vary, that's when people think we're lying, exaggerating or looking for attention, pretending we're helpless or something?

I'm learning a bit more where my difficulties lie but I knew for AGES paperwork was very hard and had mess of papers all over floor, sent ex-solicitor photo years ago. Still the same now = I HATE living like this, I try SO hard but CAN'T get them straight or organise them. On good days I try but after very short time I'm EXHAUSTED. Whereas I could pack boxes or do decorating in my home all day = coz can SEE what must do, no reading, understanding what read, forgot, try decide what is, where to file it (when crosses over different domains) = absolutely knackering.

Washing up, chopping veg, looking for things, = VERY hard, holding my body up when just standing or sitting (not walking/moving) = it gets shaky, muscles get tired. Why? Dunno. Looking for things in my bag, preparing to leave home = these are like battle campaigns for me.

But often I can write OK but nobody sees the EFFORT it takes and nobody sees/knows the really important things I've missed out and often even I can't see/think either. Some days can talk better than others, same for everything. I do know that stress/tiredness and OVERLOAD make me FAR worse, unsurprisingly. And all the 'help to deal with stress for ABIers' is pointless if too much is forced on us, too mUCH MUST try do. Need the pressure and DEADLINES taken away coz they make me/us worse. I get shaky and anxious and out of breath (stress) for appointments, must be somewhere must do this by X date, HATE it, I try do but EXHAUSTS me, like try do CV now = SO hard, keep failing, DON'T KNOW what can do that I'd also enjoy and feel worthwhile. Feels like others decide for me and i HATE what told to try do, makes me feel utter failure and SO tired coz all SO hard.

But all ABIers will have maybe very different problems but also lots the same. Written instructions = exhausting for me, also diagrams if not simple and if for 3D things and not same. Hard to describe but keep trying.

So enigma: yes, think we all can be = except to REAL experts who MUST have a wider/better understanding after years of talking to/being with us ABIers. I SO need to talk to one/more = have SOMEBODY who understands what I say coz to non-ABIers/experts I'm talking rubbish, they have NO understanding of this coz WAY outside their (and mine before) experience. Need to talk to person who speaks ABI LANGUAGE, PLEASE!

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Muddled,

I am a mystery wrapped up in an enigma. I did say ENIGMA, not ECHIDNA haha.

I was talking twoddle again :).

Anyway, I have an ABI too and I know what you mean about doing well in some areas but poorly in others.

I have always been good at drawing then when I had my first op in 96, I gained a slight right sided paralisys and I am right handed too... typical. Well that did not stop me doing art. I still do it and think I am better than ever :).

My handwriting however is slow and crap :).

Some people might find that weird, I can draw brilliantly but find it hard to write.

Writing is generally done in one stroke whereas my drawing starts off as light sketching, DIFFERENCE.

Speaking about doing good in some areas but poorly in others, I think even people with TBI get this also. I think it is just a BI thing.

Take care,

MJ