My husband had meningitis which caused 2 strokes within 6 days of each other.Jim is finding it had to come to terms with what has happened .He has lost his confidence has trouble comunicating with people has no interest in anything it has turned our world up side down .He seemed to be doing really well then he seemed to come to a stand still .He has to be told to do things otherwise he just sits and watches telly .How do you cope as a couple .

10 Replies

  • Hugs,you just cope,it's odd but you just do,I find that simple as it sounds love is getting me through and staying postavie or trying to!

  • Hi tattyted,

    I have a very slow growing low grade brain tumour but it has caused cognative changes, especially in mood, fatigue and motivation so see it from the other side.

    My wife is so supportive and understanding but also gets tired and snaps at times. It's very difficult to explain to her what is actually happening inside my head and I often shut off.

    I try to make sure I let her know I love her and truely appreciate what she is doing and also try to encourage her to take some 'me time' where she can chill and do things she enjoys without the pressure of looking after me. We are lucky in in this because we have a group of neighbours that are really understanding and helpful plus the support for my wife from family and friends.

    It's really hard at the start, then it gets easier then it becomes hard again with a certain amount of resentment I guess then as time passes the problems become non issues and things get better again, a bit like cleaning your teeth.

    My wife tells me she remembers the me as I was and realises that through no fault of my own or deliberate action I am not that person any more and has learnt to accept that.

    We also try to make sure we get some quality time away from home even if it's just a walk through some gardens looking at spring flowers or what ever is an interest outside of home.

    I too have to be told to do things but my wife phrases it as an ask and understands that if I'm having a 'bad day' that I just won't be able to cope with it.

    A bit of a ramble but I hope that it is of some comfort and help to you.


  • Hi

    Sorry to hear what has happened to your husband which has an effect on the whole family. When did he have meningitis?

    It must be so hard for him to get motivated when he has lost confidence. Do you have any outside help? When my son left hospital following a subarachnoid haemorrhage he saw a psychologist as part of his aftercare. It really helped him to talk someone, who was not family, about his feelings and anxieties. He didn't see her for long but it really helped.

    It is so difficult to come to terms with things when your life changes but hopefully things will improve.

    Keep posting on here because I'm sure there are lots of people with more knowledge than me that will listen and share their thoughts.

    He has a real positive in his life and that is you. You need to look after yourself as well.

    Take care xx

  • We have a stroke team looking out for us they are trying to get him into headway which run groups etc .He had his meningitis last august I know its still early days but I've lost a lot of the man I married but IAM greatfull his still with me .He doesn't see it that way his still having problems coming to terms with what's happened. Thank you for taking time to reply .Hope your son is doing well

  • He has done very well, thanks, and no one would know he'd been so I'll.

    He does tire really easily and get overwhelmed by things and we can easily misunderstand each other.

    There are some changes that we have both noticed and it can sometimes be difficult.

    He says he has no filter anymore and that is true, he says what he thinks which can be hurtful at times but he doesn't see that.

    Equally I say things that he takes personally and they're not meant like that.

    Having said that, we are always supportive of each other and usually one or other of us will apologise.

    I am grateful that miracles happened and he is still here and able to live independently and look after his children.

    It is early days for your husband, take what help and support you can and continue to share on here with people who understand.

    Take care xx

  • Am very sorry to hear what has happened to your husband. I had Bacterial Meningitis & Septiceamia and was in a coma for 3 weeks. During that time I also had frontal lobe abcesses, cerebritis and strokes and now subsequently have a frontal brain injury. It is a long slow journey of recovery and often fluctuates. I am wondering when was it that your husband contracted the meningitis??

  • my husband had viral meningitis in august last year which caused him to have a front right side infart six days later he had a left rear side infart (stroke) We have been to hospital today got to have MRI scan they think he may of had another mild stroke a few weeks ago .We have a stroke team looking after us and they are trying to get him into headway .

  • Am pleased to hear that the hospital is checking him out with an update MRI. Am sorry to hear that they think he may have had a further mild stroke which must have you worrying whether there will be more to follow or not. That's good that you have access to a specialist stroke team. Hopefully he will experience further improvements as August is not that long in terms of recovery.

  • Hi there ,

    I can't really comment on the couples aspect as I have been living alone for some good few years and therefore have had to cope alone ... but wondered if any of the things I have found to be helpful for you folks :-

    Headway - do you need to "get in to headway" ? My group were very supportive even if only over the phone to start with and came out to visit me within the week home from hospital .... I hope you may be able to access them more easily .

    Audio books - were a great help . I couldn't read in my early weeks - local library may have some of interest ?

    Puzzle books - though I struggled ..... colouring books ( or maybe something like painting by numbers which can pick up / put down ?)

    Walking - I tried to get out everyday - somewhere . First it was hard - only to the end of the road and got worried about leaving without keys ...... but now its a lot better and the ipod is helpful. Is he able to walk out on his own ( as this may boost his confidence ?

    Sorry my ideas were more practical than emotional but I hope something may be useful.



  • Perhaps Jim has reached the stage when he is more aware of his situation, or understands that he isn't going to wake up one day and find his old life is back and it's all been a bad dream. It's another stage of the rocky road of rehabilitation. I felt as if I'd fallen into a black pit for a while, and it helped to keep a diary where we kept a note of improvements to look back on, as it's so easy to forget the progress you have made.

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