Cross Roads again

[Julesgettingthere]

Hi Yah - anybody around ?

Jules

[Sem2011]

I am. You okay?

[Hidden]

3 hours later, yes, too late?

We need 24-hour ABI helpline maybe?

Better still good info, help and real support BEFORE we feel that bad. PLUS a person we KNOW always on call, close-by (will visit in emergency), WOW that'd be AMAZING. Nobody gets that though unless family/friends willing to allow that or very rich, do they?

Sorry, I'm v tired now and running out of steam.

Not very good at helping or knowing what to say, so sorry.

I've rung Samaritans several times when feel really bad, sometimes a calm person who listens helps a bit and 2nd person stops me getting in mega brain frazzle and panic. That really helps. But only for a bit til I again can't block out the things that made me feel so bad, they all come crashing into my consciousness again, even (and especially) in the night/when too tired.

Night night.

[abico in reply to Hidden]

Its a shame there is not a notification blip on here. Can always grab me on @ChrisLynasABIco on twitter x Hope you are ok x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Hi Muddles - just Jules here.

Thank you for your input - I feel better just 'talking' to you.

People say 'start molding the new 'Jules'. and 'just because shes gone, and never coming back, it doesn't mean things have to be bad'.

I get what they are saying, but I have been left with no desire to meet people face to face and I dont want my old friends to see what I am now. I have tried with olf friends, I just feel false. I dont smile or frown at the right time and fill in the gaps with polite lies, only to be made a fool of.

No fun, That leaves me with my husband and my animals as my world these days. Not an interesting person anymore that anyone would want to know. I wouldn't want to know me.

Problem is I keep trying to put my time and energy (what little there is ) into something productive - but I am useless at just about everything these days.

I dont accept who people say I am now - I feel trapped and get bad urges just to run.

On a bit of a downer, sorry

Jules

[Julesgettingthere]

Hi Abico

Thank you for replying - funny, there are normally loads of people on the forum when you need to 'talk'.

Yours was the only reply.

After the a bit of a wake up call yesterday I seem in a black hole. We have all been there I know.

Feeling ashamed I cant do what I used to at work, people discussing me at work just makes cry just the thought of it. I dont know if I am feeling anything other than hurt.

People talk to me about recovery, but really, I dont know what stage I am supposed to be at - if at all. If I am all done and recovered and this is all there is left then I am a useless person. Liability.

I am quite calm about it at the moment, just contemplating the meaning of life - no doubt life many others at this very moment.

I think I have been a good person most of my life - thats probably the only thing of value I have still.

How are you today - not moaning like me I guess.

Am I supposed to just taking knocks and keep getting back up.

Any little morsels of wisdom from anyone would be gratefully received.

Regards

Julesnotanymore

[dillyd]

Hi jules

Better late than never.

Not been posting much lately either,got rushed into hospital with pneumonia!!!

Home now & doing ok, but panicked who was looking after other half if not me.

It all worked out ok in the end,just sent him into a panic & has take a while to get back into a routine.

Thank goodness for my son a real life saver,but has made me take a good hard look at care for Dick & myself.

I had got rundown worrying about him,so need to ask for help sooner.

Not easy for the patient or the carer, but we need to do it.

Agree about the Samaratins,have phoned many times when no one to turn too,they really do help.

You are not useless or a liability, there is always someone that cares for you deeply, whatever you can or can't do.

Recovery is slow & things will never be as they were.That doesn't mean life is bad,just different

Stay strong, thinking of you,lots of friends here, just yell xxx

[Matt2584]

Hello Jules,

I am around, but I think that is because I ate too much :).

[aqua4]

Hi Jules, only just seen, hope ur ok, and you too Dilly.

Not always able to follow posts unless right in front of me and now too tired to reply, this is whn I feel useless too. Sorry meant to be cheering you up! Take care.K