Mom.

[Negeen]

My mom refuses to come too counseling with me, what can I do to get her to come?

[sange]

Be patient and give her time culturally it might not be something she finds easy to do..age and culture upbringing can affect how some one feels about something which prys into their lives and puts them under a magnifying glass ..have you asked her why she doesnt want to go... wish i sounded more presuasive..sorry ..hope she will explain what she feels abouit the process and you both find a way to meet in the middle ..best of the best to you

[Negeen in reply to sange]

She finds it unproductive cause I just interrupt her the whole time, but she just lies to the therapist the whole time .

[B_S_A in reply to Negeen]

What does she lie about?

[Hidden]

Hi

I am going to agree with sange it may be how your mum grew up

I know my mum tried to keep everything behind closed doors ( she was ashamed my sister developed epilepsy as an example ) keep gently nudging her to go with you

Good luck

[clivekeen]

My family come with me as you say they tell lies my family won't accept how I feel they only see it there way I am loosing interest going to support groups as family make me look bad and they only listen to them so sometimes better if they don't come as I can say what I feel that's only support I get over past 5 years going to support group for past 18 months who people who have same problem

[Thandiwe]

Maybe suggest she sees the counsellor on her own first and then you go together the next time. I have been going every two weeks with my son for three years and it has been invaluable - to us both. I have a better understanding of his frustrations and problems and he learns to see how difficult he is in the home environment . Always knowing that what I say comes from love and wanting him to get better and take his place back in the world.

Maybe you also need to stop and listen Negeen as you are the one with the injury . All I can say is that together we worked very hard and at last my son has started work and the medical proffession are amazed at the way his results have been. Two people working together are much stronger than one. Good luck.

[iforget]

There are lots of reasons why someone might be reluctant to come to therapy ...but since you have said that she finds it unproductive because you interrupt her all the time then maybe you need to try to allow her time to speak without interrupting....harder to do than to say I know...

You also say "she just lies to the therapist the whole time" ... I can't help but wonder is she really lying in the strict sense of the word or is she stating her truths which may be different from yours? If someone sees things from a different perspective it does not necessarily mean they are lying... even when it may feel that way to us.

If your Mum finds it unproductive to be in therapy sessions with you at the moment, might it be useful for both of you to see the therapist separately for now ...gaining insight from both perspectives may help the therapist to be better able to help you.

At the end of the day you cannot force anyone to enter into a therapeutic situation. If your Mum is unwilling or unable to do that right now then maybe you can work with your therapist to look at why this might be and what YOU can do to possibly change things so that your Mum will feel able to engage in the way you would like

Its complicated...and I wish you luck with this...

[Tortie14]

hi Negeen Iforget said what I felt better than I could.

I suggest you focus on yourself you cannot control or change your Mum but you can work on yourself. Perhaps you need to get to a point where you can go to counselling and listen to your Mother without judging her from your viewpoint. If she does agree to try again later go again you can focus on listening to hear her with respect to help you both deal with whatever conflicts there are between from parent child stuff plus BI issues. Good luck, positive is at least she tried. Also finding right counsellor or process not always easy but keep going.

[Jennaberri in reply to Tortie14]

I agree here, work on yourself first. I wanted my partner to come with me to see the Neuro counciller and he point blank refused, don't know why, maybe because he was worried his behaviour would have been analyzed. So I just thought Bugger him I'm going to do this for me. My councillor has helped me understand what has happened to me and why I feel about things the way I do and the changes in my life since the BI. I've come to terms with what happened and the changes, if course I still get a bit upset when I see someone riding a horse and realise I probably won't be doing that again, but I accept that in order to protect my brain I have to think twice about doing certain things. I now have a much more laid back and positive outlook on life, something my partner finds hard to cope with, but it's thanks to the councillor. It sounds to me like your mum isn't ready to accept what has happened to you, she could be beating herself up because she couldn't protect you from what happened. My mum did. Your mum might not be ready to accept the changes in you, but she will in time. Just concentrate on yourself, understanding what's happened to you and work on coming to terms with it. Once I'd come to terms with things I started to find life a lot easier. You'll get through this, stay strong and believe in yourself xx

[Negeen]

The Mom has officially "run away" from home saying she can not tolerate me anymore..

[Sem2011]

Hi Negeen

Perhaps you mum feels time apart is needed to reflect on the situation. My neuropsychologist has suggested 'time out' between my partner and I if we are in conflict, cannot agree, or having a bad day. it may be your mum has left because you does not know what else to do. Likewise, I agree with other members, concentrate on you in the first instance in the counselling sessions. I believe you will find the sessions more productive if you attend on you own because you will gain more 'quality' time from you counsellor. My partner took 2 years to talk to a professional regarding my BI, and we were at breaking point. I guess what I am trying to say we cannot always expect our loved ones to do/act/support how we wish , they sometimes have to do it their way, and they are living this too. it is hard journey, but you will get there, take care xx

[gr33nmind]

Hey Negeen, you can't make your mom go to therapy wt you. Still if you manage to get her to come wt you again, ask the therapist to allow an amount of time each will speak. Until yours and her time is up, replies aren't allowed. If "no one" is allowed to reply, then interrupting won't be possible. If you believe mom to be lying, during her time, don't respond. Instead write down everything she is saying that you find to be untrue, and reply only during 'your' time.' I completely understand your urge to want to speak as soon as you hear something. I want to as well, because I'm afraid I'll lose my train of thought, forget what I want to say. That is why you write it it down. I'm also quite sure she also interrupts you occasionally, when your in therapy. We learn from our parents, so having therapy like that would be helpful

[Negeen in reply to gr33nmind]

I think writing things down is a good idea James.

[gr33nmind]

It's usually best to just put notes in your phone, but when your in a situation where your asked to talk, having a handwritten note can sometimes be faster & easier to refer to.

[Negeen]

Yes, ovbiously, I would write it down on paper