Frustrating.

[lloydyuk]

Hi

I'm not one to moan or feel sorry for myself however I'm finding it increasingly frustrating that my brain injury 19 months ago is becoming my label. No matter how much I improve, how hard i work, the differences in me are always attributed to how I was so must be due to my hemorrhage. People struggle to accept that I'm happier and stronger than I ever have been. Prior to my illness I suffered from anxiety, depression and I'm pretty sure enduring a breakdown.

I've taken my brain injury as a restart to my life allowing me to have a true second chance. I now have boundaries and am a stronger character. Perhaps it's this that people don't like as I've come a long way.

Most can't accept when I tell them I'm almost grateful for the change in me !

Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate any comments.

Lloydy

[mikep129]

It's fantastic that you're so positive and resilient. You certainly sound like a strong character.

I think most people who've not had a brain injury, or someone close with one, just have no idea what it's like. Sometimes I feel like punching them, but I find it's best just to accept that they are ignorant of the challenges and victories and not waste my time worrying about them.

Don't let them get you down. Carry on with your new start and good luck to you.

[iforget]

It is hard for others to understand what it is like to have a BI (and why should they understand really...we didn't before we found out the hard way ) and it may take them a while to stop comparing how you were to how you are now...

I am 8 years down the line and my mother still mourns the loss of the old me... she does not consider version 2 a positive upgrade and would prefer the original version... I get why she would feel like that, but at this stage I would really prefer she kept that to herself or discussed with others rather than tell me...

I have grown used to the new me... and there are positives in that like you, I am nowhere near as stressed as I used to be. I think my priorities have changed - there's nothing quite like a brain injury to provide perspective and after the initial fighting to get back to how I was, I slowly learned to accept this opportunity to shape my life from here on in to be a life that I want and am happy living.

I would say take your positive attitude and apply it liberally to your life... and whenever someone makes that comparison just smile and think happy thoughts until they stop talking

You can't make people think or act differently but you can control how you let their words/actions affect you...and they can only affect you if you choose to let them... So choose NOT to let them and concentrate on being the best version of you that you can be

[lloydyuk in reply to iforget]

Thank you both for your kind words thoughts and ideas. As I said I do remain positive so will stick to the new me.

Best wishes

[Tortie14]

Congratulations on having such a positive attitude to the new you. I've love to know more about how you developed this great response to your injury. I'd love to get to a happier and stronger situation too but that's far from my experience now. Keep enjoying your life now. Be patient with others, perhaps your positive attitude is a challenge to them if they were used to the stressed and depressed you.

I have the opposite problem because my injury does not appear to be significant (though it has big impact for me) everyone around me tries to reassure me and convince me that there is nothing wrong with me other than usual memory issues of getting middle aged. I get frustrated with everyone ignoring my injury so I am at the opposite extreme.

[cat3]

Hi Lloyd. My new-found lack of inhibition was a talking point for a while amongst family members but now, 2&1/2 years on, it's just accepted as part of the new me. I remember being more fearful and cautious pre-BI and I can empathise with the degree of freedom the change has created.

Unfortunately that is marred by some impairment of mobility and other issues for me. But for you it seems to have provided a new lease of life which is simply wonderful to hear about................a marvellous twist to the usual BI story. And well done for using this opportunity to forge ahead with your life !!

Cat x

[nemo_really]

Hi Lloyd,

Congratulations upon your recovery so far.  Hopefully, you will continue to progress as you would like.   As Mike and iforget note, it's difficult for people who haven't had a head injury to understand the many and varied effects that a BI can have upon someone.  An additional factor is that some people just don't like change, particuarly if it makes somebody more ... assertive? independent? ... I'm not really sure what the word I'm looking for is but here's a flavour of it: A specialist in rehab of children with BIs, and learning disorders in general, told me that some parents took their children out of his care when the children started to improve and gain a little more independence of thought and have demands of their own.   His hypothesis was that although the parents desperately wanted their children to 'get better', they had found a sort of comfort zone with their children as they were and the changes pushed them out of that zone and placed extra demands upon them that they found too challenging.   I'm not suggesting anything that extreme in your case, but if somebody has got used to 'Person A' and a BI makes them into 'Person B', then they have to make adjustments that may be difficult for them.

On the other side of the coin, a person with a BI can find that they have diminished insight into who they are, who they were, what their capabilites are and how they actually interact with people. Being more positive is great, and long may it continue, but it may be worth while just having a think about, or asking a good friend, whether you need to identify any normal "boundaries" that others may feel you're not noticing.   For example, I have a son with dyslexia, and a touch of ADD and other things, who will not use one word where thirty will do; this is normally fine, but he has a habit of going on too long about something and doesn't seem to notice when others have had enough (even to the extent of denying that he is being irritating) and also butting into things that are inappropriate for him to intrude into.   It's just something to bear in mind when looking at why others are putting changes in behaviour down to your BI.   

I'm glad your BI has resulted in some positive changes, though, and good luck with in developing your renewed relations with people and getting them to accept the New You!

[lloydyuk]

Thanks again all some of your comments are very appropriate, spot on in fact. I have some negatives from my BI some of which have been mentioned by others above. I do my best not to dwell on these and focus on the positives instead.

As someone said, my new perspective is as a result of my BI however I'm fortunate it's expanded, my world and continues to do so rather than the opposite. I do have off days remember just like everyone else

[mikep129 in reply to lloydyuk]

Like the old song says - "accentuate the positive". Bing Crosby I think.

Enjoy your recovery and long may it continue. I wouldn't worry about whether people understand exactly who you are. In truth, most people only understand their own little world anyway, whether or not they're talking to someone with a BI.

The important thing is that YOU are comfortable with your new self.

Best wishes.