Hi as you are all aware I have been researching TBI unfortunately the more I read /learn about how I was after the accident the more neurotic I seem to have become
Last night for example did not get much sleep because of bad dreams
Is it just me or does any one else go through this
I think you've hit the nail on the head, about becoming more neurotic, that will contribute to your sleeplessness and dreams.
I only have vivid dreams and can't sleep when my mind is constantly rehashing problems.
I understand how difficult you are finding acceptance, I would in your position, you had a raw deal. But you owe it to yourself to try and draw a line and move on, easier said than done I know, but you owe yourself peace and the best of life you can have.
We are here for you to sound off to, but try then to blank it from your mind to give you the rest and peace you need. You know stress is destructive, try to lessen it for yourself.
Best of wishes Janet xxxx
It's so easy to say lessen the stress, draw a line and move on BUT: I've had no med care, rehab, info or proper examinations since my ABI, lost my home (mega debts DWP), job, friends and family. Still need info about my serious injuries and medical care. Had to move 8 times in 3 years: exhausted and more injured.
I try so hard to adapt to the rubbish places had to live (including now) but feel so scared and unsafe. Living out of boxes for over 3 years can't find anything, so much lost and lots damaged in moves.
Been pleading for info and help for nearly 9 years but keep getting fobbed off, sent elsewhere then dumped. People keep telling me to go to mental health but they traumatised me more then dumped me. Seen several GPs while in bad pain (saliva duct, neck, foot, lumbar and more but none examined me properly and the last one said 'you're a psychiatric case' and told me to leave.
I'm falling to bits yet again, can't cope with all ths on top of trying to talk (very tiring for me), understand speech, buy and make food (often too tired to eat anything but cereal), go to laundrette, wash me and so on. My home covered in notes things must do but too many can't even read all let alone do.
Feel very alone, angry, depressed and so scared all the time, heart going and bad sleep. Having nightmares now and that's new. Nearly fell down stairs outside (stepped back without thinking) and nearly fell many stairs but luckily right arm managed to grab railings so didn't fall or crack head (could've died) but now right arm shoulder hurt so bad = still after a month, can't lie on that side in bed but that side best for neck, lie on left and neck hurts terribly. It does all the time, terrible. But doctors don't care nor do mental health.
Where I'm living is terrible for me SO NOISY all the time (and had 3 months of building works next door/in front), loo miles from bedroom, no cooker so been living on cereal, yogurt, salads and microwave meals for 10 months now. I spend days crying, wear myself out trying to get info and help but all laugh ha ha, go there, write a letter, we can't help. So so sick of it.
In utter despair now again. Exhausted from it all. Sick of people (experts = they claim) coming into my home and breaking things, not fixing. Afraid now of anyone coming in, can't protect myself don't know who I can trust. Awful. Hate how I am but not my fault and people don't normally treat others that bad, why me?
Hate my life, went out to kill myself Jan 2006 when doctor wrote lies to my GP but couldn't do it. Pleaded help GP again (psychiatrist and drugs) and said in meltdown but he did neither and lied about sending fax (2 versions) to chemist and never got to see a psychiatrist or anyone other than the GP until later in pieces again and desperate = psychiatric nurse who just pushed antidepressants and gave me silly relaxation CD.
Can't live like this but can't die to escape it. Nobody to turn to, don't know where my son is and lost contact with friends family, and all just say go back to mental health, can't and pointless, they hurt me more then dump me. Unbearable but try to bear it, feel destroyed, am.
Sorry I can't remember if you have had any counselling - might be worth getting GP to refer you (as he thinks you are neurotic he should have no problems referring to someone). It might help to have someone neutral to talk through your feelings and reactions and support you with the acceptance process. Might help you sleep better at night if you have an outlet for some of the reactions you are having to learning about your BI etc.
You could also look into complementary therapies to help with stress relief and relaxation - EFT or mindfulness for example. EFT is used effectively with PSTD so might help with your bad dreams. One thing for sure - being sleep deprived makes everything worse.
Yes having cognitive therapy /mindfulness it actually helps till my research churns something up like was I or did I unfortunately my surviving family were to young to help me
First counsellor I saw was icy cold and nasty. She didn't let me talk about why I was there and desperately searched for things in my past that (she clearly hoped) would show that I had always been antisocial, failed in jobs and choosing dysfunctional relationships (it all replays still) - when the truth was so very different. She didn't want to hear that when my dept closed down I got another job nor at my joy was alive after my ABI though v injured. Nope, she quickly moved me on with more interrogation, HER questions, then knew not hers, she briefed by those who paid for her (her client, me her/their victim). And when I said she obviously briefed she smiled (at end, first time) and tried to make out I was mad/wrong, but so obvious.
Then psychiatric nurse at GP, nearly his 1st question was 'is your legal case against hospital or GPs here?' and he reading stuff on PC, my med notes and other stuff? But not the letters I wrote to GP. Bits from those 2 appointments replay.
Then 2nd counsellor interrogated me, her questions not what was bothering me. Told her why I so upset and that my throat should've been looked at while still at hospital. She delving into my childhood and past but ignored that I was a mum, no Q about that nor my work/job or life as adult. Very very odd. Found out she Head of HR at NHS Trust and 2nd appointment asked me a Q she can only have been told to ask coz even if saw my med records she wouldn't pick that out or know.
Did CBT with charity on phone, she at least believed me but she told me silly stuff like to hang big swing in my lounge = mad, no, can't and don't want to.
Rang NHS Direct and cow told me to 'go for a walk' when I told her my medical care/info denied and stuff, psychiatric nurse also told me to go for walks but I told him jerky walking. He ignored, all did, still are.
So counsellors, in my experience = rubbish. Last one later let me offload but said really stupid things about causes, not true, thought she knew better than me.
Only sort of good one was ABI counsellor, she believed me which felt so good but she asked weird Qs about my legal case and stuff. But felt not safe because part of NHS who injured me etc. So had to stop and anyway nothing changing. Still stuck in bad bad place nearly 9 years later. So much replays in my head, the terrible things the docs, counsellors, hospitals, PN etc. said and wrote. Tried so hard to move on but can't til all explained and ALL my Qs answered, am so afraid all won't be, can't make those guilty talk. I feel so so bad, need help but none there, anywhere. Not even allowed to talk about all this, have but get dumped and all still the same. My memory worse and vision and so scrambled. Anyone listening able to help, please?
Relaxation etc. doesn't work when all the stresses are still there and piling up, derr. Even if you manage to 'escape' for a bit BAM you're back in same position,it changes NOTHING. Silly and dangerous psychiatric nurse (who lied, said he knew/understood things he didn't) gave me silly CD for relaxation. Told him after = silly, doesn't help, stupid. Can't relax while medcare refused/denied, ever. Why do people still believe this nonsense? And when you're drowning in debt, lose your home and support networks are you meant to 'relax' and it'll all feel better? What a load of (dangerous) twaddle. And NHS spend money on this instead of tackling causes of our misery - oh but benefits not enough to live on and med care (physical and mental) doesn't work/harms more = oh, no chance they'll admit those make us want to die/seek help from counsellors. Derr: NHS and states happy to pay for silly 'cures' (including drugs that harm us more) but not for decent home, enough money to pay rent, bills and eat. All very nasty, all by accident?
DEFINITELY NOT JUST YOU.
SINCE I'VE BEEN ON THIS B****Y EPILIM CHRONO I HAVE NIGHTMARES EVERY NIGHT. NOT SCARY ONES BUT ONES WHERE I AM ALWAYS BEING LEFT BEHIND WHEN I'M TRAVELLING WTIH PEOPLE. LAST NIGHT I DREAMT I DROPPED MY PURSE ON THE RAILWAY LINE & WAS CLIMBING OVER THE MOVING YRAIN ROOF TO TRY & GET IT.THEN I WAS ACCUSED OF SHOPLIFTING. RIDICULOUS BUT THERE WE GO.
SOMETIMES WE CAN DO TOO MUCH RESEARCH INTO OUR BI & WE START HINKING "I'VE GOT THAT, I' GOT THAT" & IT GETS QUITE SCARY.
I toss and turn restlessly all night, but appear to have lost the ability to dream at the moment. I can't even daydream - my brain just sits there like a blank TV on standby!
I think it is difficult researching symptoms. It's good to have some knowledge but sometimes it can add stress and cause us to worry more. E.g I recently read somewhere that the coil embolisation I have had done sometimes needs 'topping up' with more coils within the 1st 6 months to sustain the blockage of the aneurysm. That totally freaked me out and I am struggling not to dwell on that little nugget!
Good luck and best wishes
Sue
PS Sorry to show my ignorance here but what does the T stand for in TBI? I'm guessing the BI is brain injury but can't work out the T!
I stopped dreaming for several months after my sah which made me quite sad as I'd always been a prolific dreamer and enjoyed analysing dreams the following morning. My first one, post bi, was eight months on and I was delighted that I hadn't been robbed of them forever.
It's weird isn't it? I mean how do you define the creative 'dream' part of your brain? I'm not too worried about the dreaming at night - to be honest they were often nightmares so I don't miss those. But I long to be able to sit watching the sunset and just drift away in my mind. It's the ability to switch off, and relax and find inner peace that I am missing so much.
Glad you got your dreams back Cat 
headghog99 - I saw a fascinating interview by Oprah with Dr Jill Bolte Taylor, she was a neuroscientist who had a stroke and she speaks about the impact. You might find it interesting with your "creative side" issues. She's done a TED talk on Utube as well.
drjilltaylor.com/ is her website.
Thanks Tortie
I just watched the TED talk - amazing. I will keep looking for the Oprah interview too, haven't found it yet! Thank you
t = traumatic Sue.
thanks for your comments
TBI = Traumatic Brain Injury
Glad you are having therapy - you might want to try EFT - it helps to calm the body and mind down. It might sound a bit weird and I thought it was ridiculous when I first encountered it but it works. Since then, there has been research done with military veterans that support its effectiveness with PSTD. And they have more research understanding of how it works. You can find videos on net to give you the basic intro - might help you calm down when you are churned up by research and memories etc. You can go to a trained practitioner but it would cost.
thanks for your kind comments back to GP's tomorrow lets see what happens
Dillm, Please consider whether the price of all your research might be too high in terms of stress. Don't want to put a fly in the ointment but just a bit concerned, brain issues being such a vast subject, that you're taking on too much. We're often the last to appreciate that we're overdoing it. xx
Already been burnt out once whilst working at the CAB supporting clients no intention of taking on too much again : been to GP blood pressure high : got to take it easy
I'm getting nightmares now first time in my life = 9 years after ABI. Lots of terrible stress dreams of moving home and nowhere to go, searching, awful. And even more terrifying ones = trapped, held prisoner and being experimented on by docs. Maybe like the dreams/think real of alien abduction? Absolute terror, wake up mega stress then afraid to sleep again/can't too stressed. So overtired, memory brain worse and vision awful. Some days can't do anything just lie around and cry,neck hurts so bad typing but desperate for help. Don't get any though. So not only days unbearable but nights too and no peace from any of it ever. Feel like I'm in breakdown. So hard to describe: forehead goes burning numb and paralysed = can't do anything except this hoping somebody somewhere gives a toss, not just 'support' on site but ACTION. Save and protect me. But nobody does. BAD burning tickles top mid right in brain now, horrible.
Can you help me out? 
Going out!
5 year old son out of coma
went out
Confidence getting out and about
