How do we cope with the anniversary of ABI?

My anniversary is 9 July 2011, each year seems to become more prolific . this year will be the first year I am living on my own. I was living with my partner for 6 years with his twin daughters. I found it increasingly difficult to cope, found the home didn't feel like my home. the girls made it quite clear it they did not want to move, or anything change. I desperately wanted to move as we lived in a very small house and my bedroom was v small and when You become fatigued as I'm sure you will all find you need space and santurary. this house didn't give this. my partner said he would move and then changed his mind, I had a breakdown, lived with my son for 3 months and then moved back to my own house. I am still seeing my partner, but so many bad memories in his house, this is where I had the fall, the girls shouting , just got all too much . I lost the old me that night, without sounding the victim I have not been able to work, have physical and cognitive difficulties,. I previously had a good career and in the middle of a Masters degree. Now I am living on my own, with not knowing what the future holds....

4 Replies

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  • I suppose it depends on the nature of what happened, and what has happened since, sounds like you've had a rotten few years.

  • Everyone is different...I know people who celebrate survival...I find it hard to do that because of the huge negative impact the TBI had on my life...Life as I knew it was over as a result of my accident (2006) and everything changed (and not for the better) ..but as much I did not feel I wanted to celebrate survival, I also felt it was important to acknowledge such a significant life event ...

    But as the years have passed, my focus has changed. I did not make the recovery we had hoped for and so much of what we lost remains lost, but we have found a degree of acceptance and with that the ability to move on with life part two... its not what we planned and definitely not what we wanted but its what we have... so we try to make the best of it and in the process of living, the anniversary ( rather like all the other days) slips by without notice.

    Hopefully as things become more settled in your life, you will find that you did not notice the anniversary until it has passed. Until that happens, hang on, grit your teeth and get through it as best you can. A day is only 24 hours, many of those can be slept through...

    Be kind to yourself

  • Thank you I forget. yes, like you my recovery was not as good as first diagnosed. They at first said a few months off work, now nearly three years later I am still suffering with symptoms, fatigue being my biggest barrier. but thank you for your advice, yes it is 24 hours, and perhaps the way I should get through it is to think of it like any other day. Take care too x

  • Hi Sem, thanks for replying my post elsewhere (fatigue), too tired now, but looking you up found this, so just this one: hope you got through the anniversary OK? Did you do anything, how was it? Mine's coming up, I used to celebrate another year of being alive when I knew I had died - actually was wrong: thought I knew, out of body/death experience, but wasn't, woke in Recovery after op. But the huge amazing joy of being alive (when 'knew' had died) has gone, so sad, 9 years nearly, too much struggle. And plus my anniversary is also my son's birthday (imagine if I'd died on his birthday) and as things got really difficult since my ABI not seen him or spoken for ages, cuts me to my core, we had such a great relationship before and always in touch. Will try and do more tomorrow, neck hurting bad, overdone the reading today. Night night.

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