Frightened of the future and diagnosis

I went with mu husband to the GP today and he was asked to do some neurological tests, I.e. touching his nose, tapping his hands etc.. he didn't do well. GP has agreed to arrange an urgent MRI. Also hubby has appointment in July at UCLH. I'm feeling sick with anxiety, we have just bought a motorhomr, and I doubt he can drive his car either,life as we know it will be over, I'm scared! What will the future hold. I'm just wanting to go to bed and not wake up, yes I know that's not helpful, but I'm so afraid of how to carr for him, he won't want to.live a life with no work or freedom or me looking after him. Whatever the diagnosis, if he gets one, it's neurological so no cure. Sorry for the depressing post. We are flying to Croatia Friday for our anniversary and long awaited holiday, GP advised against it, don't know why, there's no point moping around at home waiting for hospital and bad news when there's a sunny beach waiting. How do partners cope with the diagnosis of a loved one, my head is spinning.

[mushala72]

I wanted you to send you thoughts of love ,support and understanding. When our partner is faced with debilitating health issues it’s heartbreaking. However, we have to be strong. My family went thru the same when I fell ill almost three years ago. Please get out of bed everyday for a kiss and an I love you. Stay strong for every test and question thrown your way. Your husband needs you and you will both get thru this. I am better today than I was the first two years with the help I needed to get healthy again. My family is a stronger unit and I have to believe this will be the same for you.

[Brokendeer]

Hi firstly you should do exactly what you are doing, reach out and communicate with others in a similar situation - you are definitely not alone facing such experiences.

Secondly, if you do not understand something said by the GP, Consultant or any other medical professional do not be embarrassed to ask for more information, they are being paid to provide the best medical care and support to people with illness (in all its forms) and so you must make the most of each consult.

For Example: I can tell you that not flying is recommended when having possibly a brain condition like Hemiplegia (transient stroke like symptoms) is due to high altitude pressures in the plane possibly bringing on an attack.

If you are like me and get so anxious you forget to ask questions or do not fully listen to answers; then write the really important things down on a piece of paper beforehand to remind you and ask the medical professional to send you a letter afterwards with all the key points highlighted.

Of course you are scared for your husband, your ability to cope with a different perceived life and problems as they arise, and naturally any future plans may well be on hold.

Although things change. We are constantly as humans experiencing change and other people in far worse situations are keeping calm and carrying on somehow? - as a species we are naturally resilient to this change and have robust coping mechanisms.

Try and get into the mindset of this wonderful Chinese Probverb:

`Don't trouble trouble, until trouble troubles you'

...In other words, face things when you must and deal with them when you must, but do not create false information and fear based on nothing other than your nightmare scenarios.

Whatever the outcome and final diagnosis of your husband, he will be the one going through it and nothing calms and supports a person more, than being with a calm and supportive person. Pull out your best acting skills and think what makes you feel better.

Yes it is incredibly difficult to stay positive. You must take each day as it comes and not get too distressed about the future, things may not go to plan, you must accept and adapt around those lifestyle obstacles - think outside the box!

There is always some positive goal to be achieved each day, no matter how small and just having each other is a blessing in itself. If you have friends, family you can call on for even the tiniest amount of help with appointments, tasks, shopping - ask them, do not be proud. Often they are only too happy to help; if they know what would make the most difference to lighten your load.

Keep your routines and meals as normal as possible and that will give you some daily stability, when other things might go awry. Remember modern medicine and science can do remarkable things, but getting the life balance right will take time, pace yourselves.

Good luck

Look for the calm in the Storm!