Hey y'all, it's me again <3 Can I get a lil love?

I'm sure you fine folks can tell by now that I try to stay positive in every way. I strive to be a ray of sunshine even after scrolling past post after post of grim and gray. Well, today I need some encouragement. I don't have many friends (same reason I have no pets - I have no time), so there is even more pressure on my husband to lead that role in my life as well as husband, father, provider, caretaker. He doesn't know how to cope with his own problems, let alone mine (and I mean that in an absolutely sincere and loving way) - His CP, the loss of his father at a young age, heartache after heartache, working his body to death, and coming home to a messy house because I'm feeling bad and two screaming kids because Mommy can't play with them (or give them their juice right that second). He's overwhelmed, and doesn't know how to help me. So, instead of sympathy or empathy, I receive anger in response to my pain, sadness and discomfort. I know it's not my fault, but it often redirects at me unintentionally. I'm just tired of life and being overwhelmed. And I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt (He does not do this to hurt me. He just has ZERO idea of how to help, and is overwhelmed himself - praise God that I am perceptive, understanding and resilient. I'm also blessed with an amazing sense of humor, a great family and a loving husband). I just need some encouragement today since I didn't receive real closure to our "discussion" late last night. I will get that from him later as well, but our schedules don't allow much time together, so I need a lil love to get me through

Thank y'all in advance

[bobbybobb]

Dynamics change in our lives that impact other. Its something that we learn to manage and cope with. Life is tough sometimes but it doesn't always stay that way. Sending you positive thoughts and good wishes.

[Hidden in reply to bobbybobb]

Thank you very much! You are absolutely right

[Bailey09]

Sending you big hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Bailey09]

Ouch not too tight! Just kidding. Thank you

[tabey]

its really not easy living with this horrible thing but some how we do.

sending a huge hug and im not going to say there is light at the end of the tunnel as i found its some poor sod walking towards me with a torch 😀

[Hidden in reply to tabey]

That made me laugh. Thank you - I needed that!

[Leesaloo]

Big hugs to you and your wonderful family. My partner has struggled with just me for the past nearly 4 years now, even my own mother told me she wouldn’t have done it. Now my mother is blaming my partner as she thought I would be better by now. It’s such a vicious cycle this Illness. Like you my partner works, I’ve tried to tell him how I feel, isolated, loneliness but he is working to keep the roof over our head. I’ve found now I have nothing to say, I see family once a year on my birthday, 1 friend twice a year. As my mother kindly told me everyone is busy if you were working it would be no different for you, she has conveniently forgot when I worked I made sure I saw them nearly every week. People seem to have very short memories when they want. This illness overwhelms every aspect of our lives and is bloody hard to live with. But big hugs to you for staying strong for your family and retaining a sense of humour, I’ve got to be honest, I don’t remember the last time I laughed. Kindest regards

[Hidden in reply to Leesaloo]

Thank you so much! And I agree with people's short memories. I don't care for that either, but you've got to stay positive regardless. Do something special for yourself today, and absolutely find a way to laugh. YouTube for the win! (Hallmark movies this time of year are also wonderful ways of warming one's spirit)

[Leesaloo in reply to Hidden]

I’m going to start watching the Xmas ones nearer Christmas 🎄 like a feel good film. 🤗🤗🤗🤗

[Chingona]

That you for sharing heart of gold. I felt very frustrated and sad a lot when I was at my worse with seizures and tremors. I’ve always been a very independent woman and depending on my boyfriend to support me and My two kids left we feeling guilty and angry, plus seizures every day leaves you raw and vulnerable. I was too embarrassed to reach out to my friends, living in a new town and unsure how to interact with new people ( do i warn them that I’m likely to have a seizure at any moment or not?)and that left me putting everything on my partner and that’s hard for everyone. Then there’s dealing with doctors, don’t get me started on that!!! So I’m sending you a hug and I hope you can dig deep and never give up on yourself and remember to keep your head up. If I’ve learned anything from being sick it’s the value of persistents and forgiveness ( for yourself)

[Hidden in reply to Chingona]

Thank you for that! I know I am much too hard on myself, and I think I needed to hear that today. Take some pictures and make some memories for today - it's good medicine!

[Bailey09]

I know how feel , I feel bad that the house is a mess when my hubby comes home from work , he starts cooking and he don't really sit down till about 7 if that , he has to help me in the bath so all my dignity has gone xx

[Leesaloo in reply to Bailey09]

Loosing independence is so very hard, it leads then to loss of confidence, such a vicious cycle to climb out of, but hey we have this website, we all have or will walk in each other’s shoes, it’s a godsend for me.

[Hidden in reply to Leesaloo]

It is for me as well! I'm glad you're here Loss of independence does not equal loss of life.

[Hidden in reply to Bailey09]

You should never feel guilty about that. Just be thankful you've chosen a good partner, and that he is, in fact, your helpmate. You are still you inside at the end of the day, and that's what truly counts.

[DonandLisa]

I know how your husband feels it is so confusing but you - go girl xx

[Hidden in reply to DonandLisa]

Thanks!

[Kittilyn]

Sending hugs! FND can be tough on our relationships, for sure. Everyone can feel their plate is too full at times, & end up feeling resentful & then guilty about feeling that. You sound very perceptive about your own & your husband's feelings of being overwhelmed, & how things can sometimes boil over unintentionally. Sounds like you need a treat for yourself today (movie, nice food, reading a favourite book, hobby, chatting to us on here 😊...) And I bet you & your husband can later on find a calm moment to figure out a way to release the pressures on you both. Of course, these tensions happen in pretty much all families, whether anyone's ill or not. Though maybe it can be extra tough when there's illness. Take care, be extra kind to yourself, know that we understand, & that you deserve a relaxing & happy day xxx

[Hidden in reply to Kittilyn]

Thank you so much! Ya know, I had an ovarian cyst rupture late Sunday night (which explains why I have been in a "give up" amount of pain), and I was still in a lot of pain after (which isn't supposed to be the case - something wasn't healing properly, which can lead to internal bleeding). I went to work Monday anyhow....then Tuesday..suffering. My boss reminded me I had paid days left to use before the end of the year, so I took one yesterday. It was great. Someone else drove my oldest to school/bus stop, so the little got to sleep in. I had two quiet hours to catch up the dishes, and laundry, make beds, and put clothes away, and bake and decorate my Father's birthday cake for my Mother. My littlest daughter and I left a little after noon, walked my parent's border collie, went to KFC and got popcorn chicken, went to Wal-Mart to invest in a surplus of sippy cups and a card and present for their Poppop, then drove about 40 minutes to pick up big Sister from the school bus stop...THEN we drove 40 minutes back home, met my husband, got ready for church ( My Father is the pastor). Got there, set up for the surprise party after, made a big salad for everyone to share, all kinds of toppings and dressings, and my husband picked up my variety order of Dominoes pizzas. We gathered in the back, after prayer, and ate with everyone who came out. It was wonderful, he had a great birthday with the congregation (he sincerely LOVES and SUPPORTS all of the members - it is a remarkable place, and he's a remarkable man!) The cake was delicious, and everyone who gave him a card, put a Subway gift card in it. Which was very much a surprise (he did not expect to receive anything) AND hilarious - we all got the same thing. He LOVES Subway with a passion. He should be the spokesman. We got home late and put our girls to bed, and had some time to ourselves. I needed that. I worry about missing work, because of the money....but that's not everything in life. I'm just so happy that I took that time to "myself". I say "myself", because I didn't do much for myself, but the joy of my children, sharing with friends, and celebrating with family was such a major blessing! I would encourage everyone here to do the same!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am back to work today, still feel discomfort and slight pain from Sunday's ER incident, BUT lots better, and not so overwhelmed.

[Kittilyn]

It sounds like you had a lovely time! Yes, I understand about time spent with family doing fun things & being together. Lovely. I just spent the evening hanging out on the sofa watching telly with my daughter, & feel nice & relaxed. But I am So sorry to hear about your ovarian cyst & I hope you're getting the care you need for that. Take care 😊 xx