Forgetting....

[englishmumof2]

So I forgot if I've eaten.... I don't feel hungry but I eat because I can't remember eating....odd... I think I need to make a note of what I ate and when. I mean I forget what I've done or where I've been but eating is a strange one! One the plus side the fluoxetine seems to have made my jerks subside! Yippee so less aches and pains. And so far no side effects!!

Today we go on vacation to a caravan near the sea, I can't wait fresh air and outside table so I can sit and watch world go by in the evening .

But in back of my head I'm worried....due to the actions of the house agent this week... I'm not sure I will make it back in this house... I can feel it.. you know the panic of I don't feel safe , we're not good enough, the house isn't tidy enough , what if they see the dishes aren't done, what if we're given notice it's only 2 months to find another house! But then I'm under someone else's watch and i can't relax or change house to suit my and my families needs... I can't live magnolia paint forever... if my dog barks I don't want to feel I have to stay in all day to keep her quiet because I'm at risk of loosing house if someone complains..... I don't want to get rid of dog as our other one died last nov and she's my companion, my reason to leave the house other than the school run, my link to support...

I spent 2 hrs cleaning kitchen floor by hand to make sure it's clean with bleach, cleaned cupboards inside and out, pulled out fridge and washing machine to clean the floors behind them... it's exhausting... all I think about now is can I keep the house clean enough... in fact the more I think about it I'm not just giving up my job due to tiredness but it's so I can be home to keep the house clean enough... even now I'm resting but in my head I'm like "ok need to clean bins, pull out dishwasher clean that bit of floor , empty and clean fridge, clean windows, scrub door, touch up and chipped paints, re-clean carpets, bleach toilets, clean the bathroom blind...,too much to do but it has to get done... gosh is this how OCD starts??

Thank goodness I can write on here because I just don't think many people around me would understand 😆

Wishing you all a lovely weekend sending big hugs to you all wherever you are 😍😍😍

[Hidden]

I'm so happy to hear you are having a break. A lot of people who are working can take a holiday but not go away then you spend your time cleaning, gardening etc. When you go away it's nice to just forget the house, please try to as much as possible and focus on relaxing and having fun with your family. It's sounds like you all need it.

Your landlord sounds like a nightmare. I'm not sure what resources are around you but if the city council people can't help you could try CAB and ask them if you can get an advocate from wherever they suggest, for when your landlord visits. This person could just be a support for when he is there or may have legal knowledge of renting, of working with people with disabilities and Be firm with him. You are not a bad tennant, you are disabled and without help and doing the best you can while managing a family. Iv had hassle with my rental association and I keep the place really neat but the tumbleweed is still there until I get a cleaner next payday, but they are horrid on the phone and I hate dealing with them. I had a manager out yesterday to check a repair and he says my house is beautiful compared to some of the others he sees. But still I get hell from these people. They wouldn't leave me alone recently when sick and because of my low immune system I got a multitude of complications from my autoimmune diseases and low immunity. I was having a really sick time in and out of hospital and that also affected my energy levels and my arms were like lumps of heavy wood, so I couldn't type as they insist on emails. I eventually got a staff member out when I was feeling a bit better and he has told them to leave me alone for another couple of months to build up some immunity. Unfortunately it came time of year for my gas and electricity to be checked and even though iv said repeatedly don't send anyone sick out or I will pick it up, the boiler man coughed all over my house and two days later I have another cold. I have had a virus or worse since December now and had just one week of having no illnesses and thinking great I'm going to build up my strength then he came the next week and got me sick again. This organisation doesn't care about how sick I was or that I have a disability. They also don't understand how much they stress me with their demands and it's not appropriate.

I know here we can get prioritised by the council for silver, gold priority to find a home. I'd suggest to try to get into gold priority, get some advice again maybe from the city council or CAB with your illness, your children's health issues and your horrid landlord.

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Amallia, that's awful!! I hate phone people as they can't see what your dealing with so they just spout the company line persae ! The landlord isn't horrible really it's the agent lying and doing nothing for the repairs which I now will mend at my cost as I can't cope with the stress it causes! I will try cab as the council told me I can't even register on the list as I'm renting privately and I'm not needing an adapted property yet... and my kids disabilities don't count.... erm really... I know a deaf person who has implants and can work who gets a free flat and benefits because she was born deaf and struggles with social situations!! I just feel as ours is invisible and variable we get fobbed off!! So yes I can walk my dog and I can clean when I have the energy but I burnt my other hand yesterday due to shakes and forgetting oven was hot ... and the stress of everything... I just need someone who can make things happpen to help me before I have a breakdown and I end up in hospital 😜. But I'm a tough bird!!! Hugs xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Hun, hope you have a lovely break and it really helps you, I like you don't eat as not hungry and forget, I try drinking lots of water when I remember as dr says I'm dehydrated, it's just the remembering part that is just not there. While your away try not to dwell on home, easier said than done I know, pity we can't just forget housework, I do small things everyday when I remember them, like you I clean bits of floors at a time on my hands and knees, I read on here earlier that someone said you can report your landlord for not doing repairs, this is true as I've rented in past and complained until they fixed faults. (Probably to get me out of their face) but you pay good money and expect a good service in return also they are not allowed by law to just turn up unexpectedly to inspect your home, notice has to be given by them, I know this is also true as if you agree a time and date and you are not there they can fine you. I had my dog when I rented and wasn't allowed pets so when they came my dad took him out and they never knew. I really think your landlord is taking the p and this is not allowed and the rental laws will back you up on your complaints, maybe you could start complaining in writing, keeping a copy yourself and start enjoying all your complaints to them, all the issues you have to wait and put up with should all have been dealt with in a timely fashion. I hope this helps you as I've even ripped carpets up and thrown them out the front of house as they had urine stains, faeces marks and holes in, the landlord paid for new ones and I kept them clean. They want Good money then they supply good renting. Thinking of you. Lisa. Xxxx

[Hidden]

Just wanted to say hi to my friends

Englishmumof2

Lisa-anne

Amallia

Some days it just helps to say hello to my friends. Take care today- each of you.

Appreciate y'all

Dan / Seattle

[englishmumof2 in reply to Hidden]

Hey Dan,

Hope you and the family are well!' How's the weather in Seattle? I've got blue skies with a chilly wind and some sun,

It's nice being in a small compact place as less room to make mess.... maybe a caravan is my next home 😆.

Kids just put Jurassic world on in blue ray.. the picture is amazing!!!

Hugs to you all xxxx

Englishmumof 2 xxx

Aka loopy Lou xxx

[Hidden in reply to englishmumof2]

aka "Lou"

My Southern manners don't allow me to use the word loopy unless I am referring to myself after a wee bit of single malt!

Besides, I find you to be quite sane as you deal with these symptoms better than I do.

Seattle is perfect today. Overcast with showers and a bit cool. Will get out in it with dog even though dog hates it.

I love my tiny home for just the same reason you gave. There is less room to mess up!

Enjoy Jurassic World with kids. We watched James Bond in "Spectre" last night. That was fun.

Now go enjoy. And no cleaning. Remember, Amallia and Lisa-anne are keeping tabs to make sure you rest!

Thank God for good friends...

Dan / Seattle

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Dan, and a lovely day to you and yours, I really hope your starting to feel a bit better, we all suffer but sounds like your really struggling, just hate to think how your struggling and your poor family just have to watch and help best they can, weather sunny in England so have been sitting in garden, lovely and quiet. Love to you and yours. Lisa and Trevor. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lisa-anne.

You made it out into garden - your favorite place. And with Trevor, its double bonus points time. So happy. Blood pressure close to climbing back in range so better.

Thank you for writing Lisa-anne. Trevor and the angels have to take care of you for us.

Sending back a whole lotta Seattle love.

Dan

[nurmihusa in reply to Hidden]

Strictly speaking that should be "raining down a whole lotta Seattle love" - says the other guy from Washington state. Hehehe.

[Rosered175]

Forgetfulness..... used to be frustrating, but now I find it genuinely entertaining for myself. I understand forgetting events, time, people, even meals! It's always interesting when my family asks at the end of the day, how was your day? Sometimes I have absolutely no idea. So I reply, good I guess, can't remember

When forgetfulNess and cleaning combine, it gets really funny. Like starting laundry, then forgetting it's in the washer for 2 days until someone else does laundry. Also, when I'm looking for a particular piece of clothing, and I get frustrated because I can't find. Well oops! Turns out it's been in the dryer for 3 days. Needless to say, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I find something.

I'm so happy for you to go on vacation! It sounds beautiful! I'm planning a trip for my 30th birthday, should be good as long as I remember it!

You sound like a lovely person, and we are all here for you. I have dealt with some not so nice situations recently, and I know it can be incredibly frustrating to deal with those situations. But I always try to focus on the positive side and the good people who do care. By the way, still looking for a magic wand to fix things. If you see one, let me know will ya?

Big hugs to you!

[englishmumof2 in reply to Rosered175]

Rosered175.... I'm so glad it's not just me!! Often I go to bed and I've got no idea what I've done all day... lol I burnt my right hand this week as I didn't remember I left the oven on , not as bad as the other weeks damage! Ha ha yes I'll start something leave the room forgot what I was doing go back.. start something then forget .... I think I need to write what I'm doing... well if I am on a day where I can write!!! Also my meds... thank goodness I have days on the pill holder...

I wonder if there's an oven that turns off if you haven't used it or opened the door in 2 hrs... maybe I need to start using a slow cooker at least I can set timer and it will switch off!! Hugs xxx

[patti86]

I think we can all relate. I am so very sorry that you have people that do not have more compassion and understanding. Like you can keep a puppy quiet all the time. seriously.

as for the forgetting....it happens. I very rarely eat because I am hungry. Come to think of it...actually I am never hungry. I eat more on demand because I have to and know that my body needs nutrition. Functional vs organic...and the dilemma continues.

hang in there. Patti

[englishmumof2 in reply to patti86]

My problem is I'll eat without thinking because I don't think I've eaten... lol I think I need a checklist tick each time I eat 🤣

[patti86 in reply to englishmumof2]

Thanks. Eating is a more organic issue I'm dealing with. It's funny when I read neurology reports since they now seem to use all those new vocabulary words like evidence and organic. I like the check list. Let's design a few!

[Hidden]

patti86.

Oh the comment about eating on demand is so true. Hunger suppression is such a mystery to me. I follow exactly same patterns just to get some nutrition.

We laughing about our escapades here overnight. Talk about a dysfunctional family. We had two of us in symptoms last night. What a comedy it was.

Take care of yourself. Appreciate you!

[patti86 in reply to Hidden]

I hear you...I'm limited to what I can eat these days. And do end up eating the same things. Staples so to speak. My husband laughs and worries....but I make it easy to laugh...at least I try! 😁

Eating is one of those "organic" issues I'm dealing with. I have swallowing issues and hypomotilty and the real possibility of needing a feeding tube. I think the never feeling hungry might actually be more of my brain "functionally" keeping me safe from putting too much food down the pipes that are not working effectively. Never was good. Loved food and pie. Too much. Lol. but hey as long as my numbers are ok and I can eat or drink I am going to enjoy food one bite at a time. My pipes are still working about 25% according to the last test. So I have a buffer.

Live love and laugh...perfect! 🙂

[englishmumof2 in reply to patti86]

Patti your a rock star...listening to me complaining when you might need a feeding tube!! Love Indian food me!! And Mexican! Mind you once I lost my ability to smell and I hated all food!! Hugs walking kids to caravan with the dog!! They are playing on the swings xx

[patti86 in reply to englishmumof2]

Please, I'm no rock star...just trying to get my body to cooperate. Like everyone else...Lol.

I'm still protesting....definitely not ready to have a feeding tube. Thankfully the GI doctors are not pushing. I know eventually I will...but now no way!

Hell no is what I told the nutritionist. Told her as I held my hand on my belly " I still have a buffer".

Of course I have always said I'm ok with the weight loss. I mean I have been over weight my entire adult life it would seem. But I'm a pretend chef and a baker. Most would not agree, since desserts are my specialty. Never have leftovers..lol

so the weight loss to me is the best consequence of me being sick. I think I'm now the size I was when I married my husband over 30 years ago...maybe less....since he complains I'm too boney! Hey that might be a record...30 years to loose baby weight from a pregnancy? Lol.

[englishmumof2 in reply to patti86]

See I do hope maybe if I forget to eat maybe one day I will be slim... but not today it's vacation and cooked breakfast is on the menu...not by me as cooking usually means one of my hands getting cooked 😂. Off to walk do in the sand dunes in the sun!! Everyone gets a lie in but me ! C'est la vie xxxx

[patti86 in reply to englishmumof2]

Enjoy that vacation...I'm looking at planning one for the family. And one for just my husband and I. Life can be so short...need to soak in those special moments.

Last year our family vacation ended up being the week of our daughters wedding...we did the wedding at the local beach theme...stay vacation....a destination home style lol....all though it was a beautiful week of wedding festivities. And it was a perfect family time. Which to me is he most important thing.

So, I think you should put your toes in the sand and if you want...sit in the sand too....if you get stuck getting back up...well hey that happens and know that it's ok...just laugh about it and enjoy another moment of life!

Smile laugh and have fun! ☀️🌊

[Hidden]

patti86.

Whole family ran commercial kitchen. I always did heavy work with prepping proteins but always made time for desserts. Developed an almond French coconut bar that kept me going on sugar high. I still wanna eat all that stuff!

Dan / Seattle

[Hidden]

Golly all this talk off holidays, last holiday was I think 9 years ago, went to Bulgaria, it was fantastic, clean, hot, laziness all round. 9 years on I wish we had made more time and effort to go somewhere but like everyone, we worked full time, walked dogs and always said maybe next year. Live and learn the hard way, next year going nowhere. Wish we knew what was ahead 9 years ago and lived more for ourselves and made time for ourselves. Enjoy your lovely 😊 holidays to the maximum, I'm thinking I'm there too. Hugs to you all. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗