How we feel with conversion disorder

My days are lonely the night is blue, I try not to feel the way I do. My head spins round and round with not even a thought or a clue or clue of all the things I can and cannot do. I'm scared of the ones I love cause I always have been hurt deep inside, please help I don't want to cry. My body shakes and tremors all day long, how I wish no one saw. Seizures have taken control, I want to cry cause it feels so old, it will never go away I have to know, my thoughts and feelings is out of control. There's days I sit with nothing to do, and all I think about is you. I wish I wasn't this way I never been until the drama set in. I wish the past has never been until this trauma has set in. I wish the past has never been, I wish this all goes away, so I can be normal again. No one knows what we go threw, our minds we cannot control, are body's are threw. The pain we suffer no one will know, as we hide it deep in our soul. What I've become is someone I'm not, threw time and help it has to stop. I'm scared please I wish it would stop please stand bye my side so I don't drop. You have to understand I'll be normal again. Please stay bye my side till the end. I feel like I'm dying deep inside, please help me for I want to survive.

1 Reply

oldestnewest
  • A beautiful ode from a lonely flower! Being on your own through this horrible disorder can be so depressing, but some people manage to live a positive life in spite of the myriad of set backs that they experience on a daily, hourly basis.

    It seems to me that some of this is based on the brain's chemistry. The brain is already overloaded and overwhelmed, which is why it's producing the symptoms you are having. Forget what might or might not be causing the overwhelm, other than to acknowledge that the overwhelm needs to be relieved. So the easiest way to do that is to be kind and gentle with yourself on a daily, hourly basis. You deserve to be happy and content with your life, and by golly, you can get yourself into that frame of mind.

    It's hard. You may not be able to do it on your own. Some people have found their solace and positive mental attitude are helped by their religion, whatever brand it might be. Others look to Louise Hay's website and similar other ones, for a positive boost. Some find it in exercise. One man went from a wheelchair to taking part in a marathon in just a few weeks. He kept falling on his face, but he kept getting up again. The endorphins from the exercise put him into a good place. Another lady I know started walking down by her river every morning…just days after she got out of her wheelchair. Every day she posted positive thoughts and photos of the beautiful scenery.

    Others find it in sharing and helping others, or from arts and crafts. There are a number of Facebook and Yahoo support groups that cater for different needs and tastes. fndhope.org has links to some of these, plus a lot of information that might help you in practical ways.

    Of course, there are medications that help too… anything that stops the Clinical Anxiety (i.e. the adrenaline rushes, the constant being on edge, on alert etc) is usually quite helpful but doctors rarely prescribe these kinds of meds (e.g. Clonidine, Physiotens, anti-cholinergics, anything that calms the Autonomic Nervous System, etc). Traditional anti-depressants can make you a lot better or a lot worse, or both at the same time but in different ways, so watch carefully with these.

    I hope you can find the support you need to help you find joy and happiness in the little things each and every day. Hugs.

You may also like...