How do you get your partner to unders... - Fibromyalgia Acti...
How do you get your partner to understand this condition i have gone from being a very active outdoor person to some days not even dressing
Hello,
I had this same problem, I'm 22 and went from been a keen athlete and dancer, out to the cinema every other week, walks, dinner etc with my partner. Now is a different story, we rarely go out much now, but have found things that we can do in the house .. like my boyfriend would make dinner, usually something that we would have if we did go out for dinner, he would get some movies from the dvd shop and days when I feel like a pj's day he's drove me to the loch and we'll just sit in the car and talk by the water.
It's hard for other people to understand especially when they do not have the condition or they have never heard of it. Is there any support groups near you, I haven't been to any but in my doctors I have seen groups for careers/partners/parents of people suffering long term illnesses and pain etc.
Hope your having a good day 
x
have given him the leaflets and have tried to explain to him but he said that i look ok......... so frustraiting and i end up just walking away, got a good group from physio though and it helps to talk with ppl who have fybro and are actually listening
thanx
Jules
I also have the same problem , not just my husband but the rest of my family to. They just think I'm lazy and just making excuses all the time. Good luck and take care xx
Hi
Ask him to read about it on the net and maybe he will begin to
understand, there is not enough information in a leaflet I dont
think.
Its not your fault you feel like this, I am lucky I have a husband
who understands, but it still makes you feel lazy and thats not
right as you are not. people without fibro have a big problem
understanding as mostly we look well.
viv
just a suggestion, but what about taking him to your next rhumatolgy appointment, or group. He may just understand that it is such an invisible curse.I do hoe he begins to understand soon. xxxxx Dizzyduck
Hello, tooksy, I understand what your saying, about your husband.
When I was first diagnosed with Fibro, in 1996, there was very little
info, on Fibro, I was in a group, @ the Hospital, which the Rheumatology
Clinic, offered a 9 week programe, to newly, diagnosed patients, with Fibro,
My husband attended, some of the classes, and that did help,but it has taken
a few years, for him & I to try & learn how to live with, this roller coaster disease!
It's not perfect but, tooksy, it will, get better,and your husband, will get a better
understanding, of it all. stay tuff, know luv, how much I care, & Iam here if you,
ever need an ear, to listen. *********Butterflygirl***********
Hi. Yes it is very difficult for them to understand as we look "normal" from the outside. It took my hubby ages to understand what I was going through as i was very active. I think he finally started to believe me when the docs finally diagnosed it.
As the others said, maybe show him these posts or try and get him to check it out on the net and take him with you to your next appointment so he can understand how real this is. xxxxxxxxx
I have a similar problem with a relative. I think she's trying and is better than she was, but still doesn't use the fibromyalgia word and tries to attribute it to other things.
My name is Fibromyalgia, And I'm an invisible Chronic Illness. I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can not see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or if I'm in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over. Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun. I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and , in it's place I gave you Brain Fog, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned , or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. YOU didn't ask for me. I CHOSE you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident , or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. WELL, anyway, I'm here to stay!
I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I'm rolling on the floor, laughing, JUST TRY!. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL , not taken seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life really is. Your family , friends, and co-workers will all listen to you until they get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I'm a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like, " Oh, you are just having a bad day" or " Well remember, you can't do the things you did 20 years ago", not hearing that you said 20 days ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you're losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when In the middle of a conversation with "Normal" person, and can't remember what you were going to say next!
In Closing, ( I was hoping to keep this part a secret), but I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia...
Yours sincerely,
Fibromyalgia.
ifound this on this site and found it really apt and helpful i hope you do maybe your partner can read it love and gentle hugs lyn
thats brilliant lyn i will let my partner read it .gentle hugs bak Tofty xx
i think your right there am going to physio with a group of ppl with fybromyalgia and its the one place i feel normal and that people understand what were going through and this site is brilliant too
thanx lyn
First make them hold a very heavy object at arms length until they shake with the effort, then poke them awake every hour for a week and see how they feel after that lol xxxx
I tried everything to help my husband understand fibro, but he insisted that I'd get better if I lost weight. I tried explaining that fat AND thin people get it, but over the last 6-8 months he gradually pulled away from me. I asked him to come to the rheumy appointment with me but he said he couldnt get time off work. If he saw me limping really badly, or always asleep on the sofa, he would look me up n down as if to say "Pull yourself together". Anyway at the end of January, he decide after 24yrs together and 2 amazing kids, that he's had enough and he's left.
Im not trying to scare you looksy but just to show that some men/family can choose to help you and learn about the condition and others will use it as a get out clause. xx
I feel so sad that your husband couldn't come to terms with your fibro, as you say looking normal is something people can't get past. I had my mother blaming my wife for mine and saying it is all in my mind. But my wife is the most understanding person, doesn't say much, thinks being obviously sympathetic is not good for me and encourages me to try to lead a normal life but---always steps in as soon as she can see I am not coping.
I do hope you have family to support you
I understand as well my husband doesn't understand and I feel a nuisance having to remind him i've got this condition
Yeh, Im lucky to have family that supports me and the kids are great, but its a sucker punch when the person you thought you would grow old with jumps ship so easily. (sorry, had a bad day n feeling a bit sorry for myself)
I had no support from my ex husband or kids, the only person I felt believed me was my mother as she knows I'm not a mardy person, since divorcing my husband I now have a new partner that understands my illness and trys his very best to support me in every way possible, I still feel that my grown up kids don't really understand, they say they do but actions and words they say tell me different, I've always been an active person in the past even though I had Fibromyalgia and M.E and for 20 years my doctor diagnosed me with depression.
I knew it wasn't depression but I was ignored and because my doctor blamed my symptoms on depression my ex hubby and kids believed him and my ex hubby kept telling me to pull myself together, its only recently that my kids have been a little more understanding but they still dont really get it, my mother has stood by me and my new partner has stood by me and thats all I need, I've lost friends because they thought the doctor was right and I was just being lazy or a hypercondriac, these type of friends I can do without, your partner won't understand unless he educates himself about fibro and just because your partner can't see it doesnt mean its not there
I hope your partner does educate himself, he'll not only understand more but be able to help you too.
Take care and big cotton wooly hugs
Irene x
I would love to answer this and will do once i know the answer. Its 14.23 and i am in my dressing gown at the moment. was just feeling i should at least get dressed before the kids come home but it has been one of those heavy limbed heavy headed type of days. please let me know if you find out first.
My hubby tries to be understanding - he leaves me in bed, filters phone calls etc until I'm awake and ready to deal with things. he accepts my pyjama days - on the surface he's great. However he is not in great health himself, he's 15 years older than me and has several conditions including diabetes - when he has bad days life can be unbearable and he will pick at me, cos he's frustrated with himself. Sometimes it can mean he says things so hurtful and unfeeling I can't believe its the same person .
After talking things through with him, i now realise that he hates the fact he sees me in so much pain that he can't help with. He hates that my life is controlled by a condition and has changed me. He hates the fact that most of the time at home I'm upstairs on the bed, easing my back and legs and on that damn computer again. He feels so guilty about venting his feelings but can't help himself.
I've had fm for 15 years but I am now at my all time worse ever.
I think we have to allow for them to understand things in their own time - my hubby said the worse thing for him is he remembers me when I was a lot fitter and fun loving and feels robbed of that person.
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