Dating and sexual relationships

[annmarie2807]

I am single and have been for 18 years now, I did not date while my daughter was growing up, mostly because I had just started with fibro and could only cope with my daughter and myself for a long time and also because if I wanted to date it would be difficult for a non fibro person to understand my illness and be sympathetic or understanding when I was not even sure about it myself.

This is the thing I have noticed: Whenever I meet anyone new and end up dating, then kissing, and eventually moving on to sex if all goes well I am in agony for about 2 or 3 weeks. I think my body reacts to the virus's in his body and I end up being all inflammation everywhere and cotton wool headed, and pain through the roof and all I can do is wait for it to settle down, till my body adjusts again. I have found I also react in, usually but not always a lessening of the above symptoms, if I eat out or get moved into a new office with new people who all carry their own virus's.

It is so frustrating! I also get tendonitis when I move to a new work station for the first few weeks lol.

Does anyone else have any of this stuff?

AnnMarie Kilmarnock uk

[LindseyMid]

Do you have ME or RA or something as well as Fibro? Fibro isn't inflammatory or autoimmune like RA or Lupus is.

On the other hand, any stress can cause a Fibro flare because an already overstretched autonomic nervous system (that controls, e.g. the fight-or-flight response to stressful situations) cannot respond appropriately to further stress. Many people with out-of-control Fibro find that even very minor physical stressors such as a noisy room, fluorescent or bright or hard-to-see-in dim lighting, or many people taking to them at once can cause a flare in symptoms because their bodies simply cannot handle this level of strain or stimuli.

Some people with Fibro do report that sex can cause a muscular/myofascial reaction in that you tense up so much it causes myofascial restrictions to react badly, or that the simple exertion of sex can cause a flare because of the strain on muscles and joints.

[annmarie2807 in reply to LindseyMid]

I did have M.E. as well, and I suffer from osteoarthritis but not r.a. I seem to get a lot of inflammation in my body, it was picked up in blood tests a few years ago. I remember also running out of anti inflammatories and within a day I was finding it hard to empty my bladder, and some days even when I take the anti inflammatories I just feel like my skin is all bruised, especially if I get tired. Mentally it really does not take too much for me to get stressed out. I find I am almost too sensitive to other people's feelings and I tend to lose myself in them. I am happy in a quiet place but I do get lonely if I do that too much. I am in a lot of pain for days after sex until my body gets used to having a new partner. Even my arms from hugging - so weird. I really have a bad reaction when even 2 people try to talk to me at once. My mum does this a lot, she will just talk over anyone else who is talking to me, especially my daughter and it makes me feel like i have to choose who to listen to and either way I lose. I also have to protect myself by staying away from one of my sisters as she is really dysfunctional and manipulating, I get ill if I talk to her for more than 10 minutes. It makes me feel guilty but I just cannot be around her. I honestly cannot focus on any one voice if there is too much back ground noise but I did not think it was fibro that could cause this too. I had my hearing checked adn it was perfect. So I thought it was something to do with depression. The office I work in now has lots of people in it and they are always talking to me and it is so hard for me to work at my best level because I am trying to be sociable and listen too. It makes me feel quite tired and stressed out. So yes I probably am struggling just now. But winter is always bad. I am usually better in the summer. Thank you for your comments though. It is like a big jigsaw puzzle with lots of pieces and no puzzle picture.

[tiredandinpainmum2012 in reply to annmarie2807]

Annmarie, I can totally relate to your above comments. I regard myself as being a very social, outgoing person, and because of this worked both as a hairdresser early on in my career, then customer service, and the symptoms regarding background noise affecting your focus and understanding of conversations happens a lot. So much so, I had to give up work, because I felt I couldnt function with so much going on round me. I used to have to leave the room to stop myself from screaming "shut up" to my colleagues. Even now when I visit family, I get sucked in too much into their drama (especially in regards to a similar situation with my younger sister) and return home exhausted. luckily my mum and are used to me disappearing if everything gets too much, and I lie down in a quiet room for a few hours. I believe its similar to sensory overload, and my daughter is showing signs of it too. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would be a hermit, as my friends are well meaning, but retreating. I don't blame them. I've had M.E for 25 years and Fibromyalgia for 8 years. hope my comments have at least shown you that your not alone. Have never interacted so much with people on the same wavelength, and with the same conditions before. It's kinda comforting. Sending hugs xx

[annmarie2807 in reply to tiredandinpainmum2012]

Thanks it is so great to hear that I am not alone in this so thank you for that. I was getting bullied at my last work position and finally put in a grievance as I was getting so depressed that I could not return to work because my line managers kept saying I was not fit to be there and that I should just go on benefits because if I did come back and I made any mistakes at all there would be repercussions. Believe it or not that was them being supportive to me. I had been off for a month with thyroid problems. I lost the grievance because you can never prove these things. But I got moved to a different office which was what I wanted anyway. I have been put on redeployment now and have been doing 3 -6 months in different offices, would like to have my own position but I will get there when I get there. But my self confidence is so much better and I can see that my work if good enough and as good as anyone else anyway. So I do feel better about myself that way. Its so stressful going into new positions all the time though but I can honestly say I have been happy to move on so far. It is really building my work skills too I am learning a lot. Its funny but I used to think I was a bad person because I hated being around my family too long but now I see that they live their lives with so much self induced drama and they cannot see it. I like a quieter more serene and thoughtful life. Working out problems without the drama.

thank you so much and lots of hugs to you too xxx

[CherylD]

I have Secondary Sjogrens which dries up mural linings so making love is quite difficult. Very much an act of love for my husband but do get muscular flares afterwards think it's simply that using muscles in a way that is not too regular

[annmarie2807]

That sounds very painful. So maybe I do have too much time between sexual encounters with someone I like enough, I am 51 and its hard to find a steady boyfriend at this age. I really like this guy so I am hoping my body will get used to him this is the 3rd day after intercourse and I am still in a lot of joint and muscle pain and I have huge dark circles under my eyes and have no energy. Also I am really making a lot of mistakes in this email lol. Luckily he has been working since then so I have time to rest up again, I do enjoy the touching and closeness but the after is not great. I am learning a lot on this site though. It looks like fibro is not the only thing I have, I seem to have lots of crossover symptoms to other things but it is so hard to get to see consultants and rheumatologists here in Britain so I just see my GP and I chose him because he leaves me alone but listens to me and mostly supports me in managing my symptoms as some of the dr's in the practice are quite arrogant and dont listen well and they mess with my meds and then I cant work and it makes life so much harder. My work does not believe in sick days so you have to go to meetings and try to prove that you were actually sick. Last time they took away my self certification ability and if that was not a punishment I dont know what is. ~They say that its not that they dont believe you - lol. Just council policy. That probably is the hardest thing people not really knowing or believing that you have an illness. I hope your symptoms are not too bad just now and that life is good to you. Best wishes ann-marie

[Ruth14]

Yes I have experienced the same. Days of tiredness and pain after sex. Bad day today, but that was after a day of shopping!!

[annmarie2807]

Yes shopping is not fun, went to the gym this morning and now my knee is so sore, very annoying, I have bellydance tomorrow evening so hopefully the knee settles down for that as I really enjoy it. I think its important to do nice things for yourself too as that was not something I did for a long time, always doing for everyone else.

take care Ann-Marie xx