Anxiety and Brain fuzz on IVF - advice needed

[NervyJ]

Hi. Looking to see if anyone else has experienced this and what they’ve done which has helped.

I’ve been TTC through IVF for 8-9 months now. We’re currently prepping for 2nd of 3 mild stimulated cycles. It’s not been an easy ride so far, with lots of confusion, disappointment and false starts. I ovulated before EC last week which really upset me.

The point of this post is that I feel like I’m losing the plot. My anxiety is getting worse and worse and I’m messing things up left right and centre. I worry obsessively and catastrophise about literally everything (IVF, broader health, work, home, relationships…). And I’m making mistakes - getting work stuff wrong, housework stacking up and after dinging my car door earlier this week, today I just drove into a bollard and badly damaged my car - cue insurance claim. I’ve never had an accident in over 10 years of driving. I’m just not thinking clearly and blaming myself for all of it. I’m seriously concerned I’m becoming a liability and should maybe just stay home and not do anything! Not good for depression though. I’m scared I’m going to mess something big up soon.

I may just be overloaded and full of hormones and in need of time out. But I don’t know how realistic that is. Should I be starting another treatment cycle now or should I wait and give myself some time? I worry by doing so I’m just losing precious time - I’m 41 with very low AMH and low FC. So time isn’t on my side.

Has anyone else felt this way? What did you do? Thanks in advance x

[CaffeineKate]

Hi NervyJ

Reading this post was like reading my own thoughts during our recent first round. It’s absolutely horrendous. I read after that the drugs do cause depression and anxiety and I wish I had known that whilst going through it all so I could have reasoned with myself and therfore felt less like I was going mad. I’m a naturally anxious person and the process completely exacerbated all of it. I made mistakes at work which made me worry more and also made mistakes while driving which made me feel like I should lock myself away too. I’m taking a little break and I feel so much better which just goes to show how much it is the drugs. I’m not advising you do the same but you must remember this is such a hard process so it’s okay that you are distracted and anxious and making mistakes. I was barely sleeping as well which didn’t help with the anxiety. How I normally manage my anxiety is to make myself feel in control of everything and it’s impossible to feel in control of this process. There are ups and downs and wins and failures at every turn. It’s okay and normal that you feel like this. I would advise doing things to give you space to think and process . Going for a walk in nature everyday really helped me while going through it all, I listened to audio books or just walked with my thoughts (mostly with tears). It’s completely okay and normal so don’t worry. Don’t blame yourself for the car and work, you are doing your very best. Just try and do some things that will make you feel more relaxed where possible whatever that might be and also to take one day at a time. Just get through the day and try not to worry too much about tomorrow or the next one. You are not alone 💕! Xx

[NervyJ in reply to CaffeineKate]

Thank you so much for your reply CaffeineKate. The fact I know that others have experienced this brings me some comfort. I do battle with mild anxiety and depression anyway, so as you say, I think this has really heightened it for me. The driving bit has been the biggest surprise, and worry. This week has been a bad week. I’ve not had it this bad on my previous cycles, so maybe it’s a build up, or maybe the missed EC last week eroded my already minimal capacity for stress and I’ve just not had my normal capacity to cope with things.

After talking to my husband this morning, I think we’re going to take a break this cycle. I’d be due to start meds tomorrow, but the thought of that with no let up is exhausting. My cycles are only 21 days at the moment, so I guess it’s only a 3 week wait before starting again. But might be what I need for my overall wellbeing. I don’t think it’s good for the cycle if you’re riddled with stress and anxiety anyway, so if I look at it that way, this is my better option all round. We can always try naturally this time so as not to totally miss the opportunity.

Thanks again for sharing your experience. It is a huge help. And best of luck to you for your next round. Stay strong and be kind to yourself. I hope and wish for both of us there is something at the end of this journey that makes all of this totally worth it x

[CaffeineKate in reply to NervyJ]

Taking a break sounds like a great decision especially as it’s only 3 weeks, you can have a quick reset ready to start again, feeling more yourself hopefully. Take it easy and as I mentioned don’t beat yourself up about the driving, you deserve all the support in the world and that includes support from you. You are going through such a hard process, you are doing so well. Wishing us both all the luck with everything too 🙂. Xx

[SquishyBean]

For me it was when I stopped taking the stims (could be the same for you if you were due egg collection last week?). I think the withdrawal from the hormones really hit me hard and I had such brain fog and was crying for no reason and really exhausted. Also kept taking wrong turns when driving, though thankfully didn't get into any accidents. Ended up going home sick from work, and then as soon as my withdrawal bleed happened I felt absolutely fine and back to normal. It's a lot to put our bodies through! And hormone balance has such an impact on how our brains function!

[Learningdaybyday]

I relate to this a lot, I’ve tried to explain to people that my brain just isn’t working, it feels like a complete blank at times - I think it’s a combination of hormones, sleep deprivation, anxiety and PTSD. Brain fuzz explains it well!

I’m in similar age group with the time pressures and it’s hard to pause cycles when we know time isn’t on our side, but also 3-4 weeks here and there isn’t going to make a difference really.

I’d suggest some of what has already been suggested, like focusing on relaxation, yoga, Pilates, walking, massages, whatever helps you slow down and destress a little. Psychology support if you can. I’ve started saying no to a lot of things to enable me to prioritise creating some “slowness” which helps my anxiety a lot. Some periods are better than others with the medication effects too. Good luck and hope you get a few better weeks ahead x