8th week. Sad update💔 #sensitive

[Pigi]

Dear warriors,

This is update after painful uncertainty.

Thank you all for being here, trying to help, being supportive 💕 Many times I found comfort here. I knew I was not alone.

So….this is what was happening….1st scan was very early - 6th week, no heartbeat, irregular shape of the yolk sac and embryo… the next scan at 7th week, slow heartbeat…not optimistic. 8th week scan was three days ago. There was no heartbeat…poor embryo stopped growing🥺

Regarding the symptoms….actually, I didn’t have many since the beginning (this is what I didn’t like). However, boobs started to be little bit sore around week 7…also I was bloated, my stomach looked as it was growing. Sometimes I had hot flashes and heartburn in the evenings…I even started believe those are good signs. But, unfortunately it meant nothing…

I will just say that HOPE is the most beautiful and the most terrifying thing at the same time. I desperately needed doctors to give some explanation, decision, diagnosis, whatever…but instead of that, all I was hearing is - don’t lose hope, there is still hope, let’s wait…it is so, so hard.I isolated from so many friends, I even hung up phone to my best friend when she told me not to lose hope and not to give up!

At the end I felt relief as they scheduled surgical termination. I didn’t even cry much. Just a little bit, at totally unexpected moments.

I can’t cry. But I feel extremely sad, broken in pieces. Smashed. Hardly breathe.

After this, I know nothing…except we will try again. Soon.🥺🙏

[Hoping20]

Hi Pigi, there are no words. I am just so sorry to read about your most recent loss. You have been through so much already with your previous losses and failed IVF cycles. My heart truly goes out to you. Hope is an odd one...it keeps us going but at times we do wonder. Please take extra care of yourself over the next few days and weeks. You will be okay and the ladies on this forum will try to support you as best we can. You are not alone. Thinking of you today🙏🏼 x

[Pigi in reply to Hoping20]

Thank you for your kind words dear Hoping20. Wishing you the best!❤️

[MissSaoPaulo]

Hope is the most beautiful but the most painful thing in the world. I'm so sorry for your loss and sending you the biggest hugs xxx

[Pigi in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Yes…it really is. Thank you! Hugs and kisses to you❤️

[IVFat40]

Oh hun, I'm so terribly sorry, there really are no words, this is deeply unfair, sending thoughts and care.

[Pigi in reply to IVFat40]

Thank you dear IVFat40❤️ Sending Love & hugs to you too❤️

[ClaireB24]

So sorry to read this Pigi. Please look after yourself and take time to heal xxx

[Pigi in reply to ClaireB24]

Thank you ClaireB24❤️ Sending Kisses and hugs. We need some time to heal and go on again❤️🙏 All of us at this forum are so brave…I don’t know where our limits are…

[SK73]

So sorry to read this, sending you big hugs. This happened to me last year, went for scan at 8weeks with heartbeat but growth only measuring 6weeks. Waited 2weeks for hearbeat to stop and then tried medical route but ended up needing surgical measures. One day at a time, take care of yourself❤❤❤

[Pigi in reply to SK73]

Thank you dear SK73❤️ So hard, so sad and unfair…sorry that you had to go through the same. Sending you lots of love. ❤️🙏

[Cinderella5]

I am so sorry Pigi! Absolutley devastating to be in this situation. My heart goes our to you....sending lots of love and hugs.xxx

[Pigi in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you dear Cinderella5❤️ Sending you hugs and lots of love💕

[Bule84]

Hi Pigi,firstly i wanna say am so so sorry for your loss.I can totally relate and am with you,I was once there more than once and i don't know how i got through it but i did.I have finally found enough strength to start again after 4 years.You will get through it too.

Sending you lots of positive vibes😘

[Pigi in reply to Bule84]

Oh, thank you dear Bule84. We somehow find strength for another try and I don’t know how we manage through all the sadness and pain. I was thinking, many women finally succeeded, so we will. Not giving up is the only way. I’m wishing you with all my heart to be happy this time and to succeed!!! 🙏💕🍀

[Lucy92x]

So sorry babe💔

[Pigi in reply to Lucy92x]

Thank you❤️

[SianieShorts]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Life can be so cruel. I know everyone handles things differently but I went through very similar in November. The tears eventually did come for me…and I just let them keep coming. You need to allow yourself to grieve, although maybe you are all cried out!

What I will say is that you will get through this horrific time…cling to your support and take it day by day.

Xxx

[Pigi in reply to SianieShorts]

Dear SianieShorts thank you for your kind words. ❤️ I’ll try day by day until our next attempt. We have 2 frozen embryos left. One lady wrote stg like this “with every ivf we jump out of a cliff and with each failure we break all our bones and then we get up, heal and we repeat…until we make it” She put it better…I can’t find…but you get the point. I feel like th need to heal fast…I’m 43, in May will be 44. That is what I’m afraid the most. More than braking my bones again…We are all so brave. We deserve to be happy. It will come. Sending you love and hugs❤️🙏

[AMJean]

Hi Pigi, I’m so so sorry to hear this. You are being so brave. Thinking of you x

[Pigi in reply to AMJean]

Dear AMJean, thank you! We are all sooo brave, there are no words!!!💕 I’m glad you’re doing great! We are similar age, it brings me hope! Sending you love and hugs💕🙏🍀

[Applepie7]

Hi Pigi

So sorry tobread this. My heart goes out to you. There are no words and this whole journey can really show its ugly head at the best of times. Yet we hold onto Hope because that's all we have to keep us going. Look after yourself 💛

[Pigi in reply to Applepie7]

Thank you dear Applepie7 for your kind words. This means a lot❤️🙏

[BettyBe]

So sorry Pigi! I don’t know what to say! Hope is a double edged sword. You don’t want to give into it too much as you know everything can change in a flash and things can be taken away just as quick. I cried my eyes out when I found out I had an ectopic pregnancy but when I was in hospital I had no tears, I went completely numb and just wanted it over, a way of protecting myself.

Wishing you strength during this time to heal and courage if you want to try again xx

[Pigi in reply to BettyBe]

Thank you dear BettyBe💕. Yes, I think, I was relieved when I went to hospital…I just wanted this to be over. I will go day by day. Sadness will stay…but strength will be back soon. We will try again. Sending you love and hugs❤️

[BettyBe in reply to Pigi]

Be kind to yourself and do only the things you feel up to / want to if you can xx

[Riri88]

Ooh my sweetheart! I am so sorry for your loss and want to wish you all the strength in the world to deal with this and lots of hugs! ❤️

[Pigi in reply to Riri88]

Thank you dear Riri88❤️ Strength will come back soon❤️‍🩹We will try again. What worries me the most is my age…I hope we will manage. Thank you so much! Have all my love and hugs💕

[Twiglet2]

I’m so so sorry to read this 😢 the way you have written this is so raw and so true you sound like an incredible person to me, take care of yourself just now and I wish you all the luck in the future xxx

[Pigi in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you Twiglet. I was reading lots of stories…it helped me cause I often felt so lonely. I couldn’t go so much into details even with our closest family and friends. This community is the biggest support. Lot of genuine and true stories, similar to ours…I’m wishing you all the best and sending you love&kisses💕

[Georgya]

Hi! I am so sorry you've had to go through this😔Must be so hard, terrifying actually. You just need to give yourself some time and then when you feel ready maybe try again. Life it is so unfair sometimes! Sending hugs xxx

[Pigi]

Dear Georgya, thank you💕 I’m so broken, but I hope I will find strength to start the journey again soon. I’m so afraid of my age…I’ll be 44 soon. Also, I’m so disappointed that even though we made such a tough decision to go with a donor eggs, we still struggle. I remember doctors were saying, “oh you’ll see, it is much easier, go for a donor, this is a solution!” And now…actually they are just saying, “it happens…bad luck…don’t give up” . Of course, we’re not giving up, but, it is much harder than I ever imagined. I just wasn’t prepared for this…I thought it was the hardest to admit to yourself that you need a donor. But it’s not the hardest. We all need so much strength through this. Thanks once again. Sending you hugs and love 💕 wishing you the best❤️

[Georgya in reply to Pigi]

Dear Pigi, we've had to use a sperm donor from the beginning. So hard to accept, so many thoughts, so many questions unanswered. We've done 2 Ivf with 1 donor with no positive result. Then we decided to change it and it worked just for a little bit and ended in a miscarriage😔Ivf nr 4 it is our last one because I don't think my body can take anymore. I do feel sometimes that Ivf it is about money and the dr encourage you to keep going. It is a very hard journey. Sending hugs xxx

[Liberty82]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's so hard and no words can bring you the comfort you so desperately need and no-one can tell you what the future holds and it's scary and lonely.

It really brought me back to 6 years ago when I went through something very similar. Worrying about the lack of symptoms, I remember thumping my boobs hoping they'd ache. I felt in my gut that something wasn't right and everyone tried to reassure me but they booked me in for a scan 2 days early when I was 6+5 and there was no heartbeat and the sac was an irregular shape. My husband bless him was still optimistic but I just knew.

Back again at 7+5 and a mmc was confirmed. I hoped I'd miscarry naturally so i wouldn't have to face any decisions but 2 weeks later and nothing was happening so I was booked in for a D&C but I didn't get it til I was 11+1 as they kept scanning me as the sac was continuing to grow. Sometimes I told myself they might be wrong or they wouldn't keep scanning me, I tortured myself continuing to do pregnancy tests and the clearblue was at 3+ weeks and stayed there. Hope. But that Hope almost shattered me. By the end of it I was so glad to have the surgery.

IVF is so painful and gruelling, getting the bfp I thought I'd made it but really my journey had barely started. My next IVF I got no eggs. And I honestly couldn't face anymore after that. I thought I'd never be a mother and that was fucking hard. It's still painful to think back on and reading your post I really felt your pain and it seemed I was right back 6 years ago.

But I found hope again and I did get my miracle after 8 long painful years but I remember the pain like it was yesterday and I just wanted to let you know that I know its painful, and the future is daunting and its lonely but so many of us have been there or are going through the same thing. Just sending you love, strength and a hand hold ❤

[Pigi in reply to Liberty82]

Dear Liberty, Oh how much your story means to me! Thank you for finding time to write…it means a lot! I’m trying to get better. Some days it is so hard. But your success is what brings back the hope. Thank you❤️

[Hopeful99]

Dear Pigi, there are no words to make you feel any better but I will try with I’m am so so sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this. I do wonder sometimes how we pick ourselves up after such huge gut wrenching sadness and disappointment but eventually we do each in our own time. Be kind to yourself and just know deep down somewhere in your soul you will be okay. Remain forever hopeful that things will improve. Take care lovely x

[Pigi in reply to Hopeful99]

Thanks dear Hopeful for your kind words💕

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

I am so sorry that this had happened. There are no words that can make it better but I am sending you big hugs and thinking of you💕🌹

[Pigi in reply to Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Thank you dear Bozo❤️

[Marley15]

So sorry for your loss, sending loads of love to you xx

[Pigi in reply to Marley15]

Thanks dear Marley15💕