Just wanted to share that some time ago we decided to end our ivf journey After many years of ttc and many unsuccessful cycles we decided to leave that all behind us and start living our lives
I’ve done a lot of grief work in the past 2 years. It wasn’t easy for me to get to the point to where I am mentally now. I managed to get from extreme depression to inner peace. From ‘I can’t imaging my life without kids’ to ‘I am excited about my childfree life’. If someone told be that would happen I wouldn’t believe him
To be honest, I am truly grateful for this journey because it has shaped a new, stronger me. I have more compassion and self-love in me now.
Anyway I am sharing this to give hope for a happy life even if things turn out differently than expected or wanted I think there’s too little positive stories out there of childless, former-ivf-warriors. That puts much more pressure and stress on those ttc.
Don’t get me wrong - I‘m not saying all women should stop trying. And that having hope for a baby is bad. The truth is, most women who are ttc will eventually have their baby I’m just saying that some women at some point will feel that they want to stop ivfs and move on. That is not giving up. That’s self care❤️
I wasn’t sure whether to write this post. Because I know that most women who visit this forum are looking for a different type of hope. But at some point of my journey the hope-of-a-happy-life-despite-not-having-kids was what I needed. Perhaps there are others like me out there that need to hear something contrary to miracle baby stories
Just wanted to let you know that all will be ok. You will get though this and you will be happy
Hugs,
Agnes xx
Written by
Aga86
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Inner peace and happiness not always come from what we want but what we have around us. My friend can’t have kids as she had some cancer cells and Dr removed all her inner organs at the age of 34. And being her friend has tough me how important is to enjoy what life offers you, from food, travel, family, love and the things we give from granted.
That’s true❤️ Once we let ourselves grief and heal, it’s then possible to see all the beautiful things around us which we didn’t notice when we were focusing on our pain and hurt. I think it’s important not to rush the process... we first need to let ourselves feel all the unpleasant feelings and do the grief work. Only then we can truly heal.Thank you for sharing the story of your friendship. So beautiful and inspiring❤️
Great to hear positive story and that’s great you have done that work and feeling good!! I sometimes wonder and said to my partner yesterday without the occasional tragedy and TTC/IVF we have a really nice life and to focus on what we have not what we want. I hope to be where you are one day xx
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am so pleased to hear that you have found your inner peace. I agree that with all the focus on miracle stories it can add further pressure and we often do not get to hear the voice of those flourishing on other side. From someone who has experienced many, many years of treatment and currently unsure of what the future will hold it is really lovely & reassuring to hear so thank you ❤️🙏 xx
Thank you for sharing your thoughts too! I am sorry to hear that you had to go through so much. I truly believe that whatever future brings you will be happy and fulfilled❤️ Xx
I am so sorry that you are in emotional pain right now. I am sending lots of love and strength your way❤️
Everyone is different, is at a different stage and needs different things but what extremely helped me when I was at my worst was reading the book ‘Living the life unexpected’ by Jody Day. I must add that it’s written for people who already know that they will not have children and it explains how to get through the whole healing process. I read it, because I wanted to stop being scared of life without kids. The book really healed a huge part of me. It helped me get through next embryo transfers and miscarriages with more self-love and self-compassion.
Before reading the book I promised myself that if it doesn’t help I would go to a psychotherapist. I was really worried about my mental health. I was a total wreck. I stayed in bed for days, constantly cried and didn’t see purpose in life. After reading the book I managed to get out of the ‘dark tunnel’ in which I was stuck for many months.
As a continuation of my healing process I started meditating on daily basis and I read many spiritual and self help books. But as I said - everyone is different and perhaps you need totally different things than me.
I want you to know that even if it all seems dark and hopeless, it will all pass. You will get through this. If there’s anyway I can help let me know❤️
I think this is such a lovely and worthwhile post. As it shows there's a life beyond the fertility rollercoaster and happiness and fulfillment can come in lots of different ways.
I'm currently on my last round of IVF so it's good to see hope for if it doesn't work out for me. Although I know things will feel pretty grim initially x
Just what I needed to read today as we have our test tomorrow and I started with spotting today so thinking our third transfer is again unsuccessful. And I feel so sad and hopeless and can't stop crying. It's truly a terrible journey and it's nice to read your post. Hopefully I will be there one day.
So sorry for not getting back to you earlier - I have just read your comment. I totally know what you are going through. All the emotions... it’s so difficult. I hope that the test was positive. I’m sending lots of love and strength your way❤️
I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. The ivf disappointments are painful and emotionally draining. Nobody should have to go through this. I am sending you lots of love❤️
Hi Aga86, thanks for sharing what helped you. It’s inspirational to hear there is a perfectly good life that we often lose sight of on this journey and often put our lives on hold for long periods of time. I love to hear other people’s stories to take just a sniper forward into my own life as part of my own self care. I will defo be reading the book you mentioned, everyone should defiantly be more kind to themselves as everyone on this forum is so caring and deserves happiness in what ever form it comes. I know I am trying to learn to focus on being kind to myself 😀 all the best xxx
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s wonderful to hear that you are focusing on self-care and self-love. It’s sooo important. All the best to you too!❤️ xx
Beautiful message Agnes, my husband often says that we will be ok and have a good life without children but part of me always feels terrified when he says that, that I'm not sure I agree, but it is heartening to read your words 🧡
I had the exact same thing. The vision of my life without kids terrified me. The book ‘Living the life unexpected’ by Jody Day helped me to understand where those feelings are coming from and helped me change the meaning that I gave to motherhood. We often give meaning to motherhood in our childhood when we hear our parents or other members of our family talk about what it means to be a mother. Of course everyone and everyone’s situation is different. There may be different sources of those feelings. My mom used to say that ‘having a child is the best thing that can happen to a woman’ and that ‘the time when the baby is born it’s the best time of a woman’s life’ So as a young girl I took that opinion from her and carried it with me until I realised it wasn’t mine Realising that those were not my own opinions but my mom’s was so liberating. Based on my own life and experiences I created my own new more objective opinion on motherhood and life without kids.
Anyway I know how you feel. And I know how difficult it all is. I’m sending you a big warm hug❤️
Awe thanks Agnes, for your lovely words, the virtual hug and the book tip 🧡 the psychology of it all is very interesting and I could definitely do with trying to understand myself better. xx
Your so right, you get so wrapped up in being successfully pregnant you forget to see the successes already around you. Plus you wonder how long you can keep yourself in the treatment trap hoping for a miracle. Self care is so important. ❤️
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
After many years of ttc and many unsuccessful cycles we decided to leave that all behind us and start living our lives 
*Sensitive post* Our miracle baby
People insisting on the miracle baby narrative
Sensitive post: our ivf miracle
*Sensitive* Birth of Baby Girl
