Hi lovelies,
OTD is tomorrow but I tested today as I just woke up feeling anxious and nada. Stark white. Gutted. I was really hopeful this time with our ERA adjusted timings and 2 lovely day 5 blastos but it’s clearly not to be.
I’m struggling to see how we can move past this. Does anyone have any suggestions or stories of hope?
We’ve not PGS tested or had immunology tests so I guess they are next. I’m just out of oomph. 😔 xx
im sorry to hear that. even how prepared we are to bfn but it hurt really really bad. sending hugs 😢😢😢 ur not alone
Thanks lovely. Everything crossed for you tomorrow xx
my test day is 29 bit indont know i dont have symptoms right now, i feel so down also and trying to hold on myself if i will get bfn. this is my 3rd ET
You’re definitely not out yet! There is still plenty of time xx
i dont know, because of paracetamol, i doubted already
Hope you’re doing ok lovely xx
need to take antidepressants so that i could sleep,. had palpitations and anxiety attack
I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you tried talking to a counsellor? They might be able to help you frame your thoughts in a more positive way? xx
i experienced that too. no one can explain the pain. 😭😭😭
Ow no, I’m so sorry Millbanks - I was rooting for you 💔 It’s just not fair.. sending big hugs to you. Take some time to heal and look after yourself.
I would suggest genetic testing - that’s what my consultant has said we would do if my third transfer fails. I’m not sure what’s included in immunology testing - is that NK cells?
I’m really sorry it’s not better news 🤍 xx
I am so sorry 😞 I understand your pain. Having 2 embryo transferred is like a double pain...stay strong and I am sending you a massive hug with lots of love. I did PGS and is the one of the best decisions we made but it doesn't mean this is the answer to all our questions. Last embryo that we transferred was also PGS tested and still ended in a chemical pregnancy... You know IVF is a lottery 😡🤬🤷🏻♀️ take care 💕🤗
Hey Millbanks, I’m so sorry to read this, I wish this was all even a tiny bit fair. Don’t worry about your oomph.. you’re not supposed to have any today or anytime soon. The buildup to OTD is such a strain on our nerves. You’ll get to the next steps in time. And every step is closer.
Sending lots of love xx
Thank you. It’s very sweet and I know you’ve just had the same. What hurts most is that we’ve never had a proper positive. Most people I see at least get positive tests, even if they don’t continue 😔 just starting to think something is seriously wrong with me xx
No there is nothing wrong with you! We’ve been TTC for 7 years.. and I’ve only ever had 1 BPF in my entire life. That’s 84 cycles. Never ever been close anytime before. I know that stark white negative very well. But that bfp thankfully went all the way through an uncomplicated pregnancy. You only need one. Making it half way doesn’t take you to your dream, so don’t worry about that at all.
I’ve had 6 failed transfers now and I know if ivf hadn’t worked for me once, I would be thinking the same as you. But we know unfortunately everything has to align for it to work.
So good you have the info on the ERA but probably s**t luck that they weren’t the right embryos of the batch. This is positive as now you’ll have a new batch and the odds are your embryo(s) will be there. Don’t think it can’t happen xxx
Thank you, that’s so kind and really made me feel better. We still have 4 embryos from this batch of 8 so you’re right, maybe they just weren’t the right ones... so we’ll hopefully create some new ones and test the lot... ugh it’s so hard!!!! Xx
That’s fantastic you still have 4! My Dr told me after a certain age, the grades don’t make as much of a difference. I’m almost tempted to transfer the lowest next! And also so great you can get to 8 Frosties. It’s gruelling I know, but you have a great chance ❤️X
I think that’s what’s so frustrating. We don’t seem to have an issue creating embryos, just getting them to stick! Interesting what your dr says though. I thought the same too. Weirdly I feel so rough today - this is exactly how I would imagine pregnancy to feel 🤷🏼♀️💔 xx
I know I’m throwing in a curveball but it’s not completely over yet 🙈.. you haven’t had your bloods and my clinic didn’t let me stop meds until 11dpt. At the very least though, hopefully you feel crap because your progesterone levels are really good. Mine were high this cycle and I got every pregnancy symptom in the book 🙄 x
It's so hard isn't it - I couldn't face testing again today so have had my bloods taken and waiting for the call this afternoon - I know what the result will be. I'm definitely not that lucky! Yes I think progesterone has literally thrown every single thing at me! Hope you're doing ok. This sucks xxx
Oh no! I'm so incredibly sorry hun 😔 Just absolutely gutted for you!! It's not fair at all. Sending you loads of love!! Completely understand how you feel about being out of energy. I mentioned PGS might be our next option too. We already had an immune panel done (which came back very abnormal), and I've been on steroids. Too soon to say if it has made a difference yet though. Thinking of you lovely, stay strong 💗 xx
Hun you know I’m so so sad to read this. Sending loads of love and here for you anytime XX
So sorry to hear this 😥 take some time to grieve and look after yourself xxx
Thank you. Hope you’re doing ok and your spotting has stopped xx
So kind of you to think of me when you are going through so much. I am doing ok thank you and it has stopped, all ok at the moment fingers crossed xx
That’s great news 💖 I’m really pleased for you xx
Sorry to read this. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking you xxx
Oh I’m so so sorry to hear!! 😢 it’s so awful, isn’t it..... give yourself time to grieve and be deflated, you will find your path forward soon but don’t rush it. Take care of yourself first.... big hugs x
Oh lovely I'm so sorry. Its heart breaking and each time we say we won't get our hopes up but do and it's crushing when feels like it's so close. Definitely take your time to grieve, youve done 5 rounds you amazing strong person and your energy for what to do next will come in time. Will you need to do another fresh round?
My otd is tomo and tested this morning too. Bfn 😔 devastated. We have one in the freezer and hard to know what to do to make that one work? I'm exhausted and angry and feel like I am just done with this.
Awww I'm so sorry lovely!😥 I've been thinking about you loads but didn't want to pester you. Urrgghh so ridiculously frustrating & sad. The only thing I would say is mine worked 2nd time with the ERA timings. I think we've spoken about it before but a low dose steroid may also help. Massive hugs, nobody should have to go through this many shitty BFNs.xxxx
That’s really kind, thanks lovely. I do always hold your journey in high esteem as you really went through the mill and it’s so wonderful to see that you’re where you are. It definitely helps me to keep going. It’s just so damn hard. I think you’re right about the steroids. I’m definitely going to have my immunology done. I actually feel sick thinking about how much our next round will cost 😳💖 xxx
It is so bloody hard, mustering up the energy to keep going is really tough! Especially must be even more using your own eggs and going through collections. I wish I had some wise words for you but I dont....only that I'm here if you need a chat or to let off steam!!xxx
So sorry lovely. you are going through the mill. It's so frustrating and upsetting. Hope you get some answers for your next round. Sending lots of love 💗Xxx
Thank you, ha yep! Fingers crossed. Hope you’re ok. Buserelin is the devils work in my opinion xx
BFN's are the worst after what we go through. I'm sure you already tried everything. But have u given acupuncture a go? It's very relaxing. I also did it in between cycles for relaxation. Have u got a plan of action? You will get there! One way or another! 💪💗Ah really? Not just me then. I feel so tired and like I wanna scream at the same time. Lol. Still got another couple of weeks on it 😫😭 xxx
I did have acupuncture through my first 3 cycles and FETs but I hate needles so it was more enduring it than actually enjoying! I think we’ll do one more cycle and PGS test plus do an immunology panel. Then if that doesn’t work who knows...
yes I find buserelin so tiring. Hope it goes quickly for you xx
Ahhh gotcha. In that case don't bother then. It's meant to be relaxing. Reflexology is meant to be nice? Might be worth a try. That sounds like a good plan! I wouldn't think beyond that yet.plus like a another poster said. It might just be an unfortunate batch of embryos. Fingers crossed 🤞🤞for the next round.xx
Yes it’s very true. It’s just so frustrating how some people don’t even have to try and we’re here putting ourselves through hell and it still doesn’t work. Xx
I know. It seems such a foreign concept to me that people actually get pregnant through sex. Get a nice takeaway and bottle of wine tonight! You will get there! Please don't lose hope. Xx
I know right!! Thank you I will 💖 xx
Hey lovely I’m gutted to read this, it’s so sh!t. This whole process is just draining and depressing but the resilience you’ve shown already will propel you forwards. You deserve some good news and hope that with some tweaks you’ll get that soon. Xxx
Thank you lovely, hoping so!! Gosh I really need it I tell ya! Hope your bleed has settled down and you’re feeling ok xx
Meh settled but not stopped so it’s just crap really. You really do - you’re a source of comfort and support for loads of us and so I’m gonna send you some positive vibes even if you’re not feeling it right now and will things to go your way! Xx
Ahh no, so sorry to hear this. Fingers crossed the PGS testing & Immune tests get to the root of your issue. It must be so frustrating for you. Sending lots of love ❤️
Thanks lovely, yes let's hope so!! Fingers crossed for your 2ww - I know we're always looking out for some concrete sign that it's worked but please remember that soooooo many people don't get any symptoms - so try not to worry xx
Oh I miss being 2dp without symptoms. I’m now 5dp and have the cramps/dry mouth that I got with both my negative cycles so not feeling the most optimistic. That said, I feel much less insane after you and everyone else talked me down from the edge the other day. This week is dragging and I’ve got no more drag race left to watch! ❤️
Oh man it's so hard! Don't forget though - what was a bad sign on one cycle might be a good one for the next - it's just never clear so you're definitely not out! I bought myself an adult swearing colouring book and its really soothing. I thought it would be rubbish but there is something about just filling in shapes that makes me feel calm!! Give it a whirl xx
So sorry to hear this Millbanks. Was hoping the next one would be the one for you. My 8th didn’t work, so I’ve been staying off here and just taking a break from everything. My doc suggests pgt testing next, however I’m pausing the ivf for a bit. Don’t give up though xx
Oh love, that's heartbreaking - I'm so sorry to hear that. A bit of time away does help doesn't it. I do think PGS is probably the best way for us - I'm 38 now so not exactly a spring chicken. Ugh. Just Ugh. Hope you feel enough strength soon to get back on the horse xx
So sorry to read this after all of your previous issues. I hope some further immunology testing sheds some more light on things. Sending you massive hugs xx
Thank you - it's so frustrating!! Fingers crossed the next one is the one. Hope you're doing ok - what are your next steps? xx
I have another fresh round starting mid April. I’m not feeling as positive as last time and not sure yet whether we will go ahead with transfer-i have a polyp that the gynae couldn’t find at hysteroscopy and so she’s not sure if she managed to remove it. If it’s still there I will have to do a freeze all. So, we shall see! Xx
It's hard to keep the positivity up isn't it - but there is no reason why this one won't be your best yet. Weirdly my egg collection/blasto rate has improved over the past 3 cycles. That's odd that she couldn't find the polyp! I don't think freeze all is necessarily a bad option - just adds to the cost unfortunately. Everything crossed for you. Sending lots of love xx
The polyp is small so it was hiding within the lining, which looked quite thick. She took a big chunk of endometrium (ouch) in the hope she got it as well and I'm just waiting on the pathology results. Look after yourself and lots of self care and treats! xx
Fingers crossed!! Oweeeeee! Xx
Awh man 🥺😢😩😤😖😣☹️ this majorly sucks! Just the worst journey ever! You don’t need to be strong with oomph right now!
Now is the time to cry and rage and feel all of the justified feelings of another negative on this rubbishy journey. 💐💐
Best I can say right now is.... you are not alone. You’ll be able to keep going ... when you’re ready to. Rest a while and soothe your soul with your fab people, food, drinks and things. 😘😘😘🙏🏻🙏🏻💖💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐
Love abs hugs,
🦏 🐈 x
Thanks Rhinocat! I have all the rage!! I hate seeing others on here having a s*** time but it does make me feel less alone for sure - and you are all so wonderful and supportive I can't thank you enough. Hope you are doing well - what are your next steps? xx
Oh Millbanks, I’m so sorry lovely. I was thinking of you but didn’t want to message you and cause any stress. This journey is so unfair to so many. It’s completely normal to be feeling without oomph right now. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve - it’s a tough time. You’ll know when you’re ready to try again and hope your doctor can also give you some other options of things to try or change next time.
Sending you lots of love xxx
Aww thank you sweetheart - that's so kind. Yes I will, I have some wine in the fridge for after my beta this afternoon - that is making me happy at least! I hope everything is going smoothly for you lovely xx
Wine sounds like the best treat. Hope that today is a bit easier on you than the last. You’re so kind to ask about me at this time hun, I am doing well thank you ❤️ Xxxx
Aww I'm so glad 
I love hearing positive stories!I feel much better today - can feel the period pains starting so just want to crack on! xx
Oh no I am so sorry to read this. You so deserve your good news.. I can’t really say anything that isn’t a swear word but just gutted for you xx
Ps my sister got her BfP and my now nephew appeared on her 7th round.. and he was a lesser embryo than all her failed rounds! I’ve not been so lucky but no reason you won’t be on round 6? Xx
Thanks Daisy - it really does suck doesn't it. Ahh that's really lovely to hear - I feel deep down that it will happen eventually but every time it just zaps a bit more of your strength doesn't it.... Have you decided to go with donor eggs? Hope you were able to get through to the clinic after all! xx
I’m sorry to hear your news. I was hoping for a positive outcome for you this time round lovely, after all the work you’ve put in! Sending you big hugs and strength.
I’d say do PGS because you need to eliminate this reason for implantation failure. We did it before our 5th transfer, on the second cycle.
Do the NK tests but you could also ask for prednisone for your next transfer.
Thinking of you xxx
Thanks lovely - me too!! I think you're absolutely right - we didn't do it last time because we were so sure it was a timing issue - but I think this time we will throw everything at it; PGS / steroids / ERA timing etc. Then at least we can say we really tried everything...Hope you're well and all is going smoothly for you xx
Yes, I would be doing the same - PGS, steroids, ERA timing, baby aspirin and 3 day bed rest after transfer. Thinking of you hun, I know it’s bloody hard xx
I am so sorry to read this Millbanks. Sending you a huge hug! I know the pain and heartbreak. None of it is fair, not a single thing. As for the next stage of tests, I'm going through them ALL right now (I'm doing all the surgeries one after the other this month and have probably slept more under anaesthetic than in my own bed the last few weeks) and am happy to chat about them.
They are expensive and not that much fun at all but the tests may give answers or put your mind at ease - at least that it how I am dealing with it. I asked my FS to throw the kitchen sink at us before we attempt another EC and cycle. I currently have more 'keyholes' in my body than my home at this stage! The pain and discharges from healing up from these exploratory surgeries honestly makes me think that EC and IVF cyclesare going to be a breeze to go back to! LOL The blood tests for all the genetic testing and the immunology scans and scrapes are much less invasive so if you want more answers maybe start with those? I know that feeling of running out of oomph...but keep putting one foot in front of the other! xx Please talk to your FS about the tests you can do and go with your heart, gut and finances as to what you do next. I know it's hard but each step is very hopefully a step closer to your little miracle! xxxx
Thank you for your kind message. I'm so sorry to hear you've been through the mill too. It sounds like a really tough time for you at the moment. Do you mind me asking which tests / surgeries you are having done?I think for us our logical next steps are to do another egg collection then test all our embryos (we've got 4 in the freezer) and I do think the immune / genetic tests are a good plan too. I've had my tubes clipped, a polyp removed, a hysteroscopy and ERA...
xxx
Of course, I'm happy if it helps at all! This IVF journey is a horrible one. I had PET scans for any potential cancer anywhere, I got a full genetic workup for myself including checking if I am a Fragile X carrier, Cyctic fibrosis and a raft of other genetic disorders as well as my own genetic makeup to see what percentages (at least these are the layperson words my FS used) my chromosomes are as if I have a long chromosome 4 or something this can result in embryo problems (hubby had the same test done) as then PGS testing all embryos will be necessary. I don't have those results back yet as they take 10 weeks. The poor guy taking my bloods didn't even know what the tests were and had to call the laboratory to check what he needed to do ie. how many different sized tubes for blood collection, how much etc. So I suspect that a lot of the tests I had done are not routine even at the IVF blood test place. When I get the results I will have all the names of the tests and what they looked for if that would help?
I had my hysteroscopy done at the same time as my laparascopy with removal of anything that didn't look awesome in my abdominal cavity so I suspect maybe a bit of ENDO removed from my left ovary given the butchery and bleeding on that side last week. I had about 5? ultrasounds/scans and a mammogram which meant more biopsies on most of my benign lumps and bumps (swiss cheese boobies and back). Those results are back as all benign so no hidden tumors secreting any adverse hormones anywhere. I have had a sample taken from my womb lining which I wish they had done at the same time as the hysteroscopy so that my legs were not in so many stirrups. LOL My FS doesn't believe in ERAs but is going to track all my hormones through blood tests for me each day of next month because I insisted. He said he'll throw in some scans for good measure to track my lining although there have been no issues with it.
Once more of these results come in I may be sent for more tests. :/ But the plan is that if nothing is discovered by these tests then I can spend next month healing up in time to start my next cycle in May. In May I will be on 200/225 gonal F up from 175 gonal F just to try for more eggs. I responded well to gonal F so he isn't changing it. He said that everything from my first cycle indicated good quality eggs without issue. He has agreed to doing double transfers moving forward (embryos willing! Fingers crossed!) daily bloodtests after EC and Transfer to check all my levels of hormones. So I feel like I may as well move into the clinic for April/May since I'll be seeing them every day! LOL
Hugs Millbanks. I really hope that we get our miracles! xxxxxx
Wowser that is full on!! I mean you can't ever say you didn't try everything!! You should definitely get a room there - the travel time alone just takes up so much of your life doesn't it. I really hope you get some decent answers from all this. It sounds as though you are being super thorough though so fingers crossed for your next cycle!I'm hoping to do another fresh cycle at the end of April, then test those and our frosties. I very naively thought that there wouldn't be anything wrong with our embryos as we seem to have no real issue creating them - but I could be very incorrect and we won't know until we test.
They say that we have about 20 - 30% of each batch of embryos as normal (for my age group) so I would have thought that at least 1 of the previous 3 FETS would have worked - BUT we only found out after those that the timing was out - so they could have been ok but just the wrong transfer window. SO we have 8 embryos from this current batch, but the first was fresh (very vague chemical) and the second was BFN - so statistically we might have 2 good embryos from this batch - but we may have already used them in the fresh transfer
🙈🙈🙈So I think in order to save us more heartbreaking 2ww, we have to create more and test the lot.... I'm exhausted thinking about it! xx
Just wanted to say you’re not alone, always feels worse straight after negative test. I’ve had 4 failed transfers so know that pain. I have a friend who got pregnant on round 6 and that was after pgs testing, she had one normal embryo in that batch that is now a gorgeous 1 year old. Just remember there are always options xxxx
Thank you - I know I am in good company here (unfortunately!)
That's lovely - I really love these happy stories - it definitely gives me the energy to keep going. How are you getting on? xx
Yes I’m ok!! Just had another transfer 🤞🏻🤞🏻 started with 14 eggs and only left with one early blast so not getting too carried away this cycle! Think donor eggs for me next If this doesn’t work xxx stay strong! Had anyone talked to you about DHEA? Hasn’t worked for me but has for lots of women’s egg quality xxx
Eeek good luck! You know what they say, the lower quality blastos might just be the one that sticks! I think donor sounds like a good plan if not. I would definitely consider it if we don't get any normal embryos from our next round. You know I've heard a lot of people mention it on here, but I've never talked to my consultant about it. I'll add it to the list! We had quite an improvement in egg to blasto ratio with ubiquinol 400mg a day, so it might be worth a shot. xx
This is so hard. Sending my love 💕
Yep it really is. I hope you're ok too xx
Im so sorry hun Youv really been through a lot x sending love xx
Thank you lovely - I hope you're doing well and all is progressing! Did you have a TAC in the end? x
I had to have the rescue stitch its all very touch and go still and will be until watever the outcome may be - Did they check your progesterone levels before transfer?
Everything crossed for you hun. They did yes - mine are usually low so they always really ramp up the amount - it was 178 (and the same on beta day) xx
So sorry to hear this I have also hit the end of my journey , I had my BFN yesterday 😢and have been trying to process it. Where do I go from here.😔
This journey is so hard. We have only had a few basic investigations. Just feeling that maybe that I am just not meant to be a mum.
I hope your taking some time to do some things for yourself. It’s so important to remember to be kind to yourself as this journey really takes it out of you physically and mentally and sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough time to heal.
Best wishes and hugs. Xx💕
Aw I'm so sorry to hear that. It's such a stressful time isn't it - then to end up with a negative is just absolutely gutting. I know exactly how you feel. Don't give up yet! There are still lots of tests and treatments that can help you - it's just figuring out what....
Thank you - it is so important - I am looking forward to a boozy foody weekend! Then we'll start working on our new plan - I hope you can do the same. Sending lots of love and support xxx
Thank you. Did you find that your clinic were very good at suggesting further things that could help for example tests or protocol change?
Enjoy time for yourself you deserve it. What we put ourselves through! It really takes it out of us.
Enjoy your drink and eat lots of soul food.
Let’s hope that joy is round the corner for us.
Xx💕❤️
To be honest I've learned so much from this forum that I've been really proactive in suggesting to my clinic what I would like to try.... I've researched a lot of things and the ones that resonate with me, I just talk to my consultant. I'm happy to chat you through them if you like.
Thank you - you too - this is a week to indulge and enjoy xxx
Yes this forum has helped me too. The whole process is such a kind field. I have found the clinics that I have been at do just keep focusing on doing the process again. Which makes me question things. They have labeled me as unexplained infertility. However I am sure there could be things going on that have not even been considered.
It would be great to hear how you have approached it with your consultant and if these things have helped make you feel a little more confident that you will reach your goal. I have done a little research but not been confident when discussing things with clinics.
I just feel at my follow up consult they will just say that I have three more frozen embryos to give a go. Without even considering something first.
❤️💕
I've sent you a DM x
Hi Millbanks ❤❤❤
So sorry to hear this hun, gutted for you but hope you're managing ok. Have the doctors recommended anything? You still have some good embryos in the freezer don't you? How was your progesterone levels, do you know Xx
Thanks Little Pea I'm doing ok thanks. We've not had our follow up yet, but I'm going to demand low dose steroids for our next transfer, and also want to look in to a possible HCG shot to help the lining... I think we'll PGS test too. We do still have 4 embryos, so we may do another cycle then send the lot off to be tested... So many things to think about!
My progesterone was good this time - 178 on blood test day so I think we've actually nailed that one!
How are you doing lovely? Any closer to re-starting? xx
Glad you're doing ok, absolutely love your attitude towards it all ❤ you seem like you have a good plan in place and everytime you learn something that can help towards the next try. 4 embryos 🥰 so good.
I'm doing ok, been a little anxious lately. Meant to be starting meds for a new round around good Friday (next period) but not sure whether to postpone as feeling rubbish. But at the same time I've waited long enough 🙈 xxx
That's the plan anyway! There's so many things that I wish I'd known when we started all of this - but hey...Aww I know what you mean - sometimes not doing IVF just gives you such a good break mentally, that going back in to it seems like a real mission. I always feel much better once I'm in the swing of it though. As I feel like I'm moving forward xx
Yes it's defo a case of trial and error isn't it. Trying different methods until one becomes successful. Yeah thats so true ❤ maybe I will go ahead with it this month xxx
Yes exactly! Will you be doing anything differently this time? xx
Embryo Transfer 3 BFN
BFN at 9dpt 5dt
Marching on to 5th transfer!
8th DE transfer BFN 💔
