Confused

[Khess124]

So I don’t really know who to ask or turn too, I had a miscarriage last round, in December, we’ve been told we can go again and as much as I really do want a child I also have this ‘what if it happens again’ feeling and I’m so scared to go again with this on my mind and I don’t know how to get rid of it 😩 had two complete rounds of ivf and I’m just so worried it’s all going to happen again 😩

[XOXO13]

Hi there,

What your feeling is completely to be expected after a miscarriage. I found that myself after my loss. But whilst I’m terrified of losing another baby, I’m more scared of not having the opportunity to become pregnant again and have a baby so I keep on going in the hope of having my rainbow baby.

I try to think to myself that every new pregnancy is a new egg and a new sperm and therefore a new opportunity that doesn’t necessarily mean it will end the same way my first pregnancy did, with a loss.

Whilst I haven’t fallen pregnant since my miscarriage, I have no doubt that eventually when I do I’ll have anxiety about losing that baby too.. but I’ll work through that when I’m in that moment.

Try to think of today vs what’s down the line. What do you want right now? My reflexologist told me once that there was no point me worrying about what may be when it hasn’t happened yet.. I try to remind myself of that when my mind wanders down a path of self-doubt.

You’re much stronger and more resilient than you think. You don’t need to make the decision to keep going right now, but don’t be afraid to make that step forward either. You can do it with a little bit of hope and support around you.

A sprinkle of baby dust for you 💫 xx

[Khess124 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[HemBella]

Hi Khess

I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It's absolutely understandable to feel that way after what you've been through.

Don't give up yet, there's always hope xx

[Khess124 in reply to HemBella]

Thank you ❤️

[Judy18]

Hi Khess124.

I know how you feel. I also had a miscarriage in December. Firstly, i am so sorry you had to go through that. Like HemBella said, you are not alone!

I have just started treatment again. I knew i wasn’t ready to stop. However, i made sure i took time to really feel what had happened (and still have bad days now). We also got a blossom tree to honour our baby. I think you need to think of your loss and treatment as two separate things (extremely hard, i know). At the end of the day you need to do what feels right for you. I am struggling more this treatment so that may also happen.

I don’t know if any of that helped. But we are all here to support you. Sending hugs xxx

[Khess124 in reply to Judy18]

Thank you I’m so sorry for you loss ❤️❤️

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Hi lovely. Sorry you've experienced a loss. It is really difficult to deal with on top of fertility issues aswel. Iv been a sufferer of reocurrent loss i know exactly how you feel as many others do too. Once you've experienced a loss it really fills every pregnancy after that with anxiety. Like one of the ladies said its letting the fear of loss takeover or the desire for a child to keep you going and that's what kept me going i wanted another child so bad i kept going and thankfully we succeeded it wasn't easy it was filled with lots of dread and worry but it happened. You need that support and mind set to tell yourself its a complete different pregnancy and also remember most losses happen because something was wrong and the baby wouldn't have been compatible with life. I know its hard and you'll always remember your loss if you haven't do something in rememberance of them, like one lady said a tree anything that feels right for you. Don't let the fear control you lovely tackle it head on. I wish you all the best for the future. Big hugs 😘💗

[Khess124 in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thank you lovely, so sorry to read about your struggles ❤️❤️

[Hidden]

Hi Khess. No words of wisdom but do share the feeling. After third failures i think what are the chances. but without ivf i have zero hope so it seems like the only option. Personally it helps me seeing strong ladies here everyday battling this same problem. Im sure all if them have this fear and uncertainty. Nothing seems to be guaranteed. That gives me hope and strength to carry on. Sending hugs xx

[Khess124 in reply to Hidden]

I feel like this place is the only place to turn too where people understand and don’t just palm you off, I’ve been rooting for you since I joined my love, I honestly wish you all the best ❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Khess124]

❤️

[Murielsmom]

Having been through 2 miscarriages I totally understand what you’re going through. And you’re right, it could happen again, BUT it might not. Take the time you need to heal and process your emotions because they are all valid. You will know when the time is right for you to try again.

A friend of mine who lost her twins (and an ovary) at 5 months pregnant gave me the best piece of inspiration. She tried again because she said she knew that years down the road, she would regret it if she let the fear get the best of her without attempting one more time. She did another round of IVF on one ovary and got a beautiful baby girl out of it.

Everyone’s journey is different and I hope you find the strength and courage to do another round. 💓

[Khess124 in reply to Murielsmom]

Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[Ariel24]

I don’t think the waiting helps either does it 🙁 not knowing where we stand one month to the next - a whole month is a long time and they mount up! I don’t know if you remember but we were on the same timeline for our last cycle and we’re waiting on a call from the clinic to say when we can try again and it’s so hard to try and gear yourself up to something that you know could be so heartbreaking all over again ☹️ especially after your last round, its completely understandable how you’re feeling!

[Khess124 in reply to Ariel24]

So sorry I never see your reply! I often think of you and wonder how you’re getting on! Hope your doing okay? Have you managed to try again? ❤️