A Conversation with My Heart

[Foodie23]

July 23, 2018

"Heart, why am I having trouble maintaining interest in things? Am I depressed?"

"Maybe. I feel ignored."

"Why do you feel ignored? I've been talking to you regularly."

"My deep longing for a baby has been silenced. Or, it feels like you're trying to silence it."

"I'm just finding or trying to find a way to accept that I don't have any control over the timing. I'm just trying to be OK in a world where I don't have something I want so badly. What should I be doing differently?"

"Acknowledge your pain. Acknowledge your desires."

"But I feel like I have."

"Little glimpses, yes. But not fully."

"But aren't I not supposed to dwell?"

"To dwell would be to stay there once you've fully seen it. Turn around and look your pain in the eyes. What do you see?"

"I see me tucking our child into bed, reading them a story. I feel their love. I hear them say 'Daddy.' I hear their laugh. I feel the touch of their skin. I see us cooking together. I see us camping as a family. I see us all cuddling in bed waking up on a sunny morning. I see me holding their hand. I feel them in my arms. It feels so real."

"That's because it is. To me, this pain looks like joy. It's only painful because you don't know it's real."

"If it isn't happening now, how can it be real?"

"It is happening now, it's happening in your heart and soon it will be here."

"Why is this happening in my heart?"

"Because you are free."

"What does that mean, that I'm free?"

"You're connected. This connection sets you free."

May your pain be transformed into joy, your dreams become real and may you be at peace, wherever you are in your journey. Xx