My first cycle not going to plan

[Kezzy1]

Since starting ICSI I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I over produced follicles so after egg collection any embryo's were being frozen and they giving my body a rest due to being high risk of OHSS. They then put me on a 2 week course of blood thinning injections. The Saturday after egg collection we had the phone call about the embryo's, we started with 19 fertilised embryo's and by the Saturday we had 3 of poor quality and they dont know if they will survive the freeze. Since this all I seem to do is cry, is this normal?

[Rella22]

Hi Kezzy,

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It truly is a difficult process to undergo. Are the rest that we’re fertilized doing okay?

You have great number so truly to focus on that, it’s not easy losing them but think of the ones left. Sending you lots of love

[Kezzy1 in reply to Rella22]

The tues when they called we had 14, the Thursday we had gone down to 8 then on the Saturday we only had the 3 and them 3 were all poor quality so they dont know if they've survived the freeze yet.

[Rella22 in reply to Kezzy1]

Oh Kezzy I’m so sorry that’s terrible news. I went through a similar cycle and no good quality outcome.

I’m praying for a successful time ahead for you. Give yourself a pampering session and rest up ❤️

[Kezzy1 in reply to Rella22]

I go back up today for follow up appointment so hopefully find out when and how they get my body ready for the embryo transfer. I dont know whether it's all the waiting and not knowing as to why I'm just constantly in tears.

[SparkleCock]

Oh Kezzy I'm so sorry.

My first cycle was an utter disaster as well. I'd flown to top clinic in Thailand to 'get it right' the first time and had taken out over 10K GBP loan to cover everything including flights and hotels.

The clinic wanted to cancel from 8th day of stims and they barely collected any eggs and only 1 embryo of poor quality made it and didn't make to blastocyst so whole thing was discarded.

I was utterly devastated.

I felt tricked and conned.

Was everything OK until collection for you?

What are clinic saying?

It does sound really unusual. But the longer I'm in the world of IVF the more I realise anything can happen...

Sending lots of love

xxx

[Kezzy1 in reply to SparkleCock]

I ended up being in alot of discomfort due to the amount of follicles I had growing, then after egg collection I was extremely bloated for about 9 days and they put me on blood thinner injections for 2 weeks due to my hormone levels being too high and I was really high risk of developing ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome x

[Lorita1984]

Hello dear

I had a situation very simar to yours,

Got 15 eggs and all fertilised well. By day 3 all looked great. I was so happy. Day 6 arrived and we got the news that only 2 made it to blastocyst. I was devastated. I had already paid for PGS and we went ahead withPgs testing. I was sure it was all. Over and I will not get to transfer. Guess what.... Both my blasts were ok and passed pgs. One boy and one girl.

I know and understand its so easy to loose hope. I had one cycle in which i did not get any blasts.

I trasfer my precious girl In September and pray to God she sticks. Our plan is that in 2021 if all goes well we trasfer our precious boy too.

I wish you luck.... I hope you have 3 little fighters xxxxxxxxx

[Kezzy1 in reply to Lorita1984]

Been back up hospital today for my follow up appointment, once my next cycle starts in September they will start preparing me for the implantation, feeling happy but nervous all at the same time. X

[Bistbee]

Hi Kezzy, I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this utter shit situation, it really is such a rollercoaster and you can go from amazing highs, getting great numbers of eggs/fertilisation, to absolute pits of despair when things just don’t turn out the way you were expecting at all. One minute your thinking you’re going to have embryos to bank and then the next it feels like it’s all over. It’s just shit.

If it helps to share my experience so far....we had similar on our second round of ICSI - 8 eggs collected which was more than our first round so walked out feeling so confident and pleased, and then the next morning we got a call to say only 1 had fertilised and I had it transferred back at day 3 as they weren't sure it would last to blastocyt stage. Utterly devastating....and we then got a bfn. We’ve got one in the freezer from our first round but it wasn’t the best quality and we’ve been warned there’s a 20% risk it won’t survive defrosting, so prepping for a FET but hope is pretty low right now...

So far, we’ll have had, in total, 13 eggs injected, only 4 fertilise and with 3 of those presumed genetically abnormal as they’ve not stuck around. Maybe our frostie is the lucky one but I’m not holding out much hope.

Our doctor has just told us that sometimes you can have a bad batch of eggs and that if there is nothing else they can identifying causing issues then you just have to keep trying. It’s so hard to pick yourself up after a failed cycle, each time I’ve felt waves of depression and hopelessness lasting a number of weeks and crying all the time is part and parcel of that.

You’re suffering a bereavement of sorts, a loss of what you thought could be if those embryos were just a bit stronger than they appear. A loss of the gift of falling pregnant easily or at least having a slightly smoother ride through ivf. A loss of things going to plan when you try and do everything you can to ‘tick all the boxes’ - all of it is devastating and you do need to give yourself time to process all the emotions that come up.

I heard a really good analogy recently about feeling all the feels - it’s like the waves come crashing down and buffer you in a direction you weren’t expecting. Don’t fight them but let them wash over you and soon you’ll find yourself washed up on the shore and ready to walk along the beach again....

Sending you lots of love and hoping you can find your way through this to see the light again soon x

[Kezzy1 in reply to Bistbee]

Sorry your going through a hard time too.

Talking to all of you have helped me a bit especially to know its normal for me to feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster journey. X

[Jessy1280]

I did develop ohss. If its any consolation I had 18 eggs, 16 mature enough, 13 fertilised and was only left with three embryos that were successfully frozen. Seems like such a huge loss doesn't it. Mine even thawed properly for my FET but sadly I had a BFN. Crying is totally normal and I'm even still crying a week on since my BFN. Huge 🤗 xxx

[Kezzy1 in reply to Jessy1280]

So sorry that things haven't worked, starting to feel like I'm not alone now. Sending loads of hugs x

[crisps88]

Sorry to hear this hun. Yes seems totally normal, this is the most torturous and cruel emotional rollercoaster ever. Honestly just cry and release everything you need a little outlet you’re going through so much. Mentally and physically. Sorry for you xxx

[Kezzy1 in reply to crisps88]

Its been a really hard 2 weeks with the tears and feel drained in myself. We will be continuing treatment now in September so really hope it works and that I dont need to repeat all the first part again x