I'm not ok 😓

[Niki_B]

I'm just not ok. I dont understand...at 10dpt my hcg was 260 and it continued to more than double in the following days/weeks. If the embryo was abnormal why was my hcg so good? Our 7 week scan was great. I ate as good as I could avoided all the foods I should and drank loads of water. I just dont understand 😓 we have just 1 embryo left and the odds of that working are low. We have no money for more IVF. I cant eat and all I want to do is lye in bed all day. I haven't even had a glass of wine that i missed so much. I finally had a purpose...I finally was going to be a mother..finally my dream was going to come true. I simply cannot live life without being a mother. I just can't. Life is not fun anymore. I want my baby back 😭😥💔

[Cinderella5]

Hey Niki, of course you are not ok. Its not long since your miscarriage, I can totally relate to not even looking forward to a wine, I just felt a bit sick at the prospect....I didnt want wine when faced with the fact I could have it as it doesnt fill the empty feeling that was now there. Sadly for a lot of us women, nobody knows why the pregnancy starts off great and all of a sudden just doesnt progress. Its well written that perhaps chromosomally abnormal, our bodys apparently have the ability to know when something isnt right or the baby stops developing.....nothing really makes it any easier to deal with. If you can, try to get our with your gorgeous pooch down the beach....get some fresh air even if its the last thing you want to do. Just little steps every day. Im not sure if you have a miscarriage association in New Zealand but it might be helpful if you could chat to them or access counselling through your GP. It really is ok to not be ok, you need to time to grieve for your baby together as a couple. Hugs hugs lovely, I'm always here if you need to chat!xxxx

[Militarywife7]

This is so heartbreaking - I'm so sorry for your loss. Life can be so cruel sometimes - please take good care of yourself x

[MissSaoPaulo]

It's so unfair, it really is. I just wanted to send you a big hug xxx

[Drives]

There aren't any words that can make the pain go away but wanted to leave a little message to say I'm thinking of you. Sending lots of love 💕

[2-shades-of-hope]

It is an awfully painful time. You did absolutely everything you could for your baby, you did everything right and it is hard when there are no answers as to why it happened. I’m so sorry you are going through this xx

[Turtleswimmin]

Hi Niki, I'm so sorry to read this. I stopped getting emails from this as needed to take a break but yours came up because I follow you. It's so heartbreaking and I'm so so sorry xxxx sending you all my love x

[hifer]

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. First off, please know that it is nothing that you did! It is nothing to do with what you ate or drank or anything you did. This is not your fault. Also you do have a purpose. Absolutely. You are feeling low and lonely and lost at the moment because that is what this awful process makes you feel. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take some time to grieve and I promise you, you will feel better. Sending you lots of love xx

[Kitcat12]

Saddest time you'll ever go through my lovely, it's cruel and unfair and you have every right to feel beyond devastated. Sending a big cuddle x

[ADC2019]

I am so sorry for ylur pain and loss. I have found posts from zoe clark-coates very helpful i follow her on instagram and she posts messages every day that i can relate to and for some reason bit by bit it got easier every day. She has also written a couple of books. I will never get over it and will never forget my baby and nor should we. I hope you can find some peace x

[ScanNoirFan]

Sending love x

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

I can totally relate. I am so very sorry for your loss. Big hugsxxx

[Emmaxxx]

I have no words that put into words what I want to say to you Hun. I am just so very sorry xxx

[Hollibob]

🙁

Life is cruel and why this happens I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

The Miscarriage Association and Tommy charity I’ve heard offer good support and it might be worth looking if they have contact emails/web chats to speak about how you are feeling.

Don’t rush back to everyday life/work...take time to grieve, ask for counselling from your clinic or GP. You’ve not done anything wrong, so please don’t blame yourself x

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss and can completely release to this. After my ectopic I was traumatised for ages and didn’t want to do anything or see anyone!

Take all the time you need!

You can’t let this struggle beat you - life is too precious and you WILL be a Mum ❤️ Xxxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hidden]

That's the thing though I wont be a mum 😞

[Hope4usall]

Niki I hear you and can completely relate. It is torture. It physically hurts everyone when you loose your little one. Ok promise it will get easier. Don't give up on your dream. I'm sure one way or another you will get your baby and become a mummy. Give yourself time to grieve. I had very up and down days and this went on for months. Be kind to yourself and don't put yourself in ant situation s that make things worse e g baby showers etc. If people are your true friend they will understand and support you. I found the Mariposa trust helpful and the book 'saying goodbye' by Zoe Clark-Coates. Sending lots of love and support to you xxx

[Niki_B in reply to Hope4usall]

I have to give up I dont have any money to keep going. And that is what's killing me 😞

[Hope4usall in reply to Niki_B]

I am so sorry Niki. sending you so much love and hope for the future xx

[Mifkipi]

I know no words would make the pain go away. I just want to send you some love and hugs during this difficult time. Take care x