Fertility Network UK
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Shocked at message from 'friend'

So I received this message last night from a friend who i also work with. She is only 25 & as much as I respect her decision to not have children the way this is worded & laughing faces really upset me. She knows we've been trying for almost 5 years & currently going through IVF. I just can't reply. I am also shocked the NHS will pay for this for no medical reason & that she's so young.

Am I being over sensitive due to hormones etc?

This is the message....

Wow 😂 the doctors have agreed to sterilisation and have given me an appointment on the 22nd of September lol guess it's lucky I got that week off 😂

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I would ignore it. I too am surprised that they will sterilize at 25 with no children, my male friend who wanted a vasectomy at 28 (with two kids already) had to wait until he was thirty (he had it done on his 30th birthday). In the waiting time he fathered another child who was not wanted... so I suppose it cuts both ways.

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I agree with getting it done if that's what you want but in the meantime as a sexually active adult just use contraception. I'm going to ignore the message just not sure what I'm going to say when I have to see her next.

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Yes just ignore for sure! If she mentions it you could justify saying "I don't feel comfortable talking about it, sorry"!

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How insensitive especially as she knows what your going through, I would ignore it to. Hope your okay x

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I'm ok thanks. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it was insensitive.

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How insensitive! Knowing me I would end up not speaking to that person again!!

I work in a GP surgery and there is no way she is gonna be sterilised. She may have an appointment with the GP but it has to be sent to the CCG to be approved and they hardly approve any so she won't be laughing for long!!

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That actually made me laugh thank you! I hope they do make her wait. Not to be mean just coz it's such a big decision at that age.

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It is huge to make that at 25. My hubby said he never wanted kids til he met me. Plus there are plenty of ways to avoid it if you are really adamant about not having them xx

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Exactly it's like a lazy fix just use contraception like everyone else. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's to early.

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This is really odd, I have a family member who is 28, has had 2 children, and wants to be sterilized but the doctor wont even consider it until she's 30 🤔

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I always thought it was over 30 & usually if you have children. I know she had spoken to her GP before about it but I'm not sure if I read it right as was getting it done on 22nd or as some other comments it's just a referral.

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Yeah it'll just be a referral it's not likely they'll let her go through with it unless there's a mental health issue that would make her unfit to be a parent her whole life x

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I agree with hydromermaid-1 - I used to work for an NHS commissioning team alongside CCG's and they won't fund anything that is cosmetic or just preference anymore without sound medical reasons or severe physical/psychological effects. So young to make that decision and that was a thoughtless and harsh message to you knowing what youre going through - I'd keep my distance and ignore her x

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Thank you. I hope your right. I know people that swore they'd never have kids then change their mind when older or in different relationship. If she still wants it done in 5 years then I respect her decision. Would of been nice if she respected my feelings a bit more in the message.

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I agree with the others; she is talking utter rubbish and I think she is trying to get a rise out of you.

I'd be tempted to humour her back, and say 'good on you, doing your bit for population control lol' with loads of smiley faces.

Just take the piss back - because she is certainly taking the piss. Then don't reply again and ignore the silly girl.

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And finally, sorry you have a friend that is actually that ignorant to say such a thing to you. You are way better than that, so I would take the advice of the others and back away. She sounds completely insane...It beggars belief!

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Thank you! My husband says it's good she's not having kids coz she's selfish.

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I wanted to say that! Give your hubbie a pat on the back from me for telling it like it is!

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Unfortunately I have to work with her. Luckily only directly a couple of times a week. I won't see her for a week so gives me chance to cool off. I'm not going to reply. If she tells me they're making her wait 5 years I will send some laughing emoji's!

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good idea.. oh gosh you have to work with her..you poor thing... just laugh it off because she sounds ridiculous.

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Totally inappropriate, shallow and wrong!! I also fail to see how any NHS doctor would agree to sterilization at her age, without a pre-existing condition or threat to her health. Doesn't deserve a response...what a nasty thing to do to you!!

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Wow, I don't even know what to say. Like you I'm also very surprised she was offered this. My sister asked for this, she's also 25 and she was refused due to age (she has 3 children).

Your not being over sensitive at all and I wouldn't be replying either. Her message is complete insensitive and actually a little immature (sorry). I just don't think it's a laughing matter. I'm having a bad day today, so sorry because I'm maybe being a little nasty and I know this is your friend and someone I don't even know but I just don't get that message at all? Why are being so insensitive 😡👊😡

Can I ask at 25 why she feels so strongly about having no children? Is there a reason? It's so young!!

I hope your ok 😘 Xxx

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She is pretty immature for a age & leads a bit of a sheltered life to me. She's with the same boyfriend since 14 (her only partner) doesn't have many friends or social life etc

She's just never wanted children. I'm just worried her opinion could change if her life does.

I feel a lot better after everyones responses & I'm not being over sensitive.

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Oh my god this is so insensitive!!! I cannot believe that the NHS would actually approve this, plus it doesn't protect against STI's so she would still need to use protection, so I just don't understand why you would want to do that?! It seems like she's taking the piss, perhaps you could message her back saying that she's a tad arrogant thinking that having a baby is actually that easy! I'd definitely avoid her in future, really bloody weird! Xxx

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She's lying Hun or it's some sort or sick joke to you. Don't rise to it x

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Wow that is super insensitive 😳 and probably not true. The appointment is probably to tell her to come back in five years and to discuss contraception options. You do right to ignore her x

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Agreed. I don't believe for one second that without a genuine medical reason, that they would allow her the surgery at her age. Ignore her xx

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I don't get why she can get this on the NHS. Surely she can either use contraception or abstain.

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I saw my 'friend' today at work. She asked if I got her message. I told her I did but didn't know how to respond so thought best not to. I asked if it was a meeting with a consultant but she said she's already had that. Apparently pre op appointment on 14th & sterilisation on 22nd September. I'm really shocked the NHS are paying for this for a 25 year old yet our fertility clinic is closing down in November.

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It seems really irresponsible of NHS. Sorry you've had to deal with this xx

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Did she go through with it in the end? What a horrible insensitive "friend"! If she keeps banging on or upsetting you, mention her insensitivity to your manager or boss .. she could be quietly taken aside and warned to button it around you as she's been overheard .. there's enough stress at work without dealing with that sort of shizzle! Much love to you and all the best for the future X 😘

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