Fertility Network UK
13,933 members22,926 posts

IVF and stepchilden

Hey everyone,

Pretty new to this... but was just wondering if anyone had any experience of going through IVF with step children? My husband has two boys from previous marriage. Then had a vasectomy.. which we had reversed and failed, leaving us with only IVF as an option. I have just finished my first cycle. It failed, and whilst i am trying to remain optimistic, it very difficult. And love the boys as I do, it is a constant reminder of what I cant have. Now im never one to judge but my husband's ex's are vile, and i mean genuinely. Feels like a massive injustice! I know how bad that sounds, but wondered if anyone had any tips to help me through an impossible and emotional situation.

thanks xx

3 Replies

I know how you feel I work in a college and face so many teen mums and unwanted pregnancies and it does feel so unfair xxx


I was just about to post almost this exact same thing!!! My partner has 4 kids by his ex wife. She is literally the most awful human being I have ever encountered having cheated on him multiple times, manipulated him in every way imaginable and then decided she was a lesbian and left him. They share custody of the kids 50:50. He had a vasectomy after no 4 because he couldn't trust her not to get pregnant again by accident! His reversal was only 5 years later but failed so we are also down the IVF road. I've just had my second round which ended with a BFN. It's completely heart breaking to watch him have all the experiences as a Dad that I want as a Mum. I have to be very hard not to resent the kids because of this (Their mother destroys any relationship I have with them by manipulating them.) Having to pay for all our treatment because he has kids gets me down as it seems so unfair on me not to be given the same opportunity to have a true Mother:child relationship rather than a traumatising step mother one. Currently broke and miserable but round no3 scheduled for the new year and maybe it'll be 3rd time lucky.

I'm with you 100%. Wish you lots of luck for whatever you choose to do next xxx

1 like

Hi Rosalietea,

Thank you for replying. Sounds weird, but was nice to read someone having the same experience. Like you the boy's mum is probably the worse human i have met. I do more for them then she does, including the day to day basics. Instead of appreciating another parent who does so much, im always the evil step mum who can never compare. Naively, i expected the reversal to work (thats not cheap either) so all the little loses make it harder to stay optimistic. We are due to have another cycle in a couple of weeks, which we were told may have the same outcome... 2% chance of it ever happening but it did - I ovulated early and lost all my eggs.

It is hard not to resent the step children. Even stupid things like watching them hug on the sofa or talk about times prior to your relationship. You tend to always have that feeling of an outsider. And whats worse is that vile human being will always have the connection to your DH, even though completely undeserved.

Im sure things will work out for you though, try and stay positive. I know how hard it can be. Always good and bad days in this journey, I am just trying to take one day at a time.

Very best of luck for your next cycle, sending you plenty of positive vibes! xx


You may also like...