Having a bad day

[Mantaray75]

Had a rubbish stressful day at work which didn't help today. I always thought that getting my BFP would make me feel so grateful and happy but its just not working out like that. I'm really struggling with the wait for the scan and any of the symptoms I had around implantation have now gone. I feel vague sickness some of the time but I think thats just nerves.

My HCG was rising really well - from 250 on test day to 650 and then 2700 on Monday but still I can't believe it. Tonight I did a pregnancy test to make myself feel better and now I feel more worried. The 2nd line seemed much fainter than when I tested last week. However, it took a while for the control line to appear so I wonder if the test was dud. I thought by this point the line would appear really quickly and be really strong.

Did any of you find this wait worse than the 2WW.

I feel really ungrateful as so many of you are struggling along through treatment. Thanks for listening to my rantings.

[MommaBear16]

Hi Mantaray - I completely understand how you are feeling. After the initial elation of the BFP the anxiety set in. There's nothing you can do other than ride the storm but I was very emotional during the initial few weeks. I know it's incredibly hard but try to remain as calm as you can. Take some deep breaths and make sure you're taking some time out for yourself.

It's hard to accept but there is nothing that we can do at this stage. Just trust your body and let it do what it needs to do to keep that baby cosy and safe. You will be absolutely fine - you just have to believe that this is really happening and enjoy it the very best you can.

I hope today is a better day for you - take care x x x

[Mantaray75 in reply to MommaBear16]

Thanks, you always have such kind words for everybody. I'm not very good at taking time out for me. It also makes it hard when I have demands on me at work but obviously people don't know whats going on.

How are you doing at the moment. x

[MommaBear16 in reply to Mantaray75]

Is there anyone at work that you could share this with? I only told two people at work but they really looked out for me and made it so much easier, even if it was just making me a cuppa or something. Please try to take some rest time in the evenings or whenever you can. Your body needs rest my love. I'm sure you're doing much better than you give yourself credit for but it's a hard stage to get through. When is your scan?? Can't be too long now.

I'm doing good thank you, we have our review on the 22nd September ready to start again in the New Year... trying to look forward x x x

[Mantaray75 in reply to MommaBear16]

My managers all know about the IVF but only 2 people know I'm pregnant. My work have actually been amazing, especially about me having all the time off.

My scan isn't until 29th. It should have been 25th but my husband is away with work that week and I would rather wait until he is with me.

Feeling a bit better today.

Glad you've got some time to get your head around things.

x

[MommaBear16 in reply to Mantaray75]

Glad you're feeling a little better today - the wait for the scan feels like a lifetime but just like the 2ww it will be over soon and you will have your reassurance that all is well. I'm glad work have been so good with you, it makes things so much easier doesn't it.

You take care of yourself lovely and keep us updated x x x

[embiemomma]

hi, I'm at a similar stage to you, about 6 weeks 3 days. Every step of the journey takes over as the hardest part! I was ok initially following my BFP but have been experiencing mind panic attacks recently. I haven't tested since my OTD as I haven't had any bleeding to suggest problems. I have my.scan tomorrow so luckily not long to wait but now I'm anxious about that! I can't win! Am I right in thinking you're a doctor? I'm a nurse, and we definitely make the worse patients! Its in our nature to overthink everything! I'm just trying to stay relaxed and accept what will be will be. Easier said but just keep giving yourself little talks! How long till your scan? X

[Mantaray75 in reply to embiemomma]

Hope your scan went well. Mine isn't until 29th - aargh.

Yes, I'm a doctor and I really hate being a patient. We know too easily all the things that can go wrong and how medicine doesn't have all the answers. x

[embiemomma in reply to Mantaray75]

scan was good 😊 dated at 6 weeks 3 days. Have a video of a very strong heartbeat and 2 pictures which I cant stop looking at! Its worth the wait I promise. Being medically minded is not a blessing when you're a patient though! Hoping your wait isn't too bad. Xxx

[Mantaray75 in reply to embiemomma]

Glad the scan was good. Was naughty and did another test this morning. It literally went to pregnant straightaway! Ok, will spend the rest of the weekend not being crazy. x

[Daisy14]

Hello

I totally understand your anxiety and stress. Technically I am 8 weeks now as had a 7 week scan last week. I've had weeks of hideous morning sickness and sore boobs. But since last night all the symptoms have vanished and I feel 'different'. I've got in such a state about it today it's embarrassing, the waiting and not knowing is just excruciating.

I also feel like I should be happier, but it's just all riddled with anxiety after everything we've been through. My first injection was the 30th May - that's a long time of overwrought thoughts and uncertainty with such high stakes. You are no doubt the same. Be kind and forgiving on yourself.

Nothing we can do but wait, we can never 'know' anything absolutely all the time and have to find a peace with that and keep moving forward. Time does pass and there is nothing we can do to influence the outcome.

Hope you don't have too long to wait and you feel a bit easier by the time you read this. Good luck xxx

[misswinky34 in reply to Daisy14]

Daisy - don't worry all my symptoms vanished at 8 weeks, I was sure that was it. Didn't get the scan until 14 weeks OMG that time dragged on 😔 It's very very difficult as your on tender hooks every minute of every day. When you want something that bad, you can't help but feel that way.i saw a dizzy midwife who offered to use Doppler at 10 weeks, - couldn't find it. Even more panic!! We're 20 weeks on Saturday and it's only since I've started getting kicked I feel a bit more reassured. Although now I'm starting to stress about not getting kicked enough 🙄 One thing invest in, which I wish I had done with my sons, was a bog standard stethoscope. It's amazing what you can hear 😊 May just help you relax that little more. Xxx

[Daisy14 in reply to misswinky34]

Thank you misswinky34 that really helped to read. Good luck to you xxx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Daisy14]

Feeling a bit better today thanks. Just trying to think that it was a nightmare getting here (my EC was the 30th May), but it doesn't mean my pregnancy won't be a normal one.

I have a stethoscope as I'm a doctor!

I guess I'm just gonna be bonkers until the end of the pregnancy.

x

[Daisy14 in reply to Mantaray75]

Glad it feels better today. Welcome to the bonkers club, we are not alone clearly! X

[Kat9lives]

Hi lovely when is your scan? I feel for you xxx

I'm 11wks 3 days and have had an internal scan at 7wks and at 9 wks and I'm afraid to say it doesn't get any easier!! I think because of the journey we have all been through to get to this stage and previous attempts etc we can't help but worry that something will go wrong. All we can do is lead a healthy lifestyle, exercise, eat well and try to minimise stress!! Easier said than done! 😊

I have a stressful job too...and it looks like I'm going to get a secondment to a less stressful job for 4-5 months before I go on maternity! Ultimately baby comes first. Is there anything you can do with work to minimise your stress? In the UK workplace pregnant women are really protected and your manager has the responsibility to ensure you're facing minimum risk. Visit the gov. Website for more info. You have a right to change working conditions or reduce hours or change duties if it brings you stress.

I hope your scan is soon. It is reassuring to see baby and a heartbeat but you end up worrying inbetween scans and it seems to get harder as you go! I have a scan at 12wk 1 day and I can't wait to have it. Just hope all is ok and can then tell people. I have just waffled completely there!

Good luck! 🍀🍀🍀xxx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Kat9lives]

Thanks for the advice. I realise that I'm just gonna be worrying for the next 8 months.

I work in NZ so I guess the rules are different. My managers have been great but I'm a doctor in a hospice so there isn't much that can be done about the day to day stress. I deal with death and dying every day which isn't exactly stress free. The nurses don't know I'm pregnant so the normal demands of the job are there without me being able to avoid it.

Still got a couple weeks until the scan - aargh.

Hope your 12 week scan goes well. x

[Kat9lives in reply to Mantaray75]

It might be worth telling your manager formally if you have to work involving any heavy manual work (lifting or carrying etc) or any stress you can avoid. It sounds like your day to day work will be stressful anyway but anything you can do to minimise stress on you is for the better and much more important than keeping quiet for the scan. Hope it all goes well and congrats! Xx

[Mantaray75 in reply to Kat9lives]

I don't have to do anything manual. Its just hard being the one to make all the decisions on the ward when your heads full of baby worries but I guess I'll have to get used to that. Sometimes the stress and distraction are even good. My patients and their families are going through far worse than me.

[SarG74]

I'm totally with you . I'm only 5 weeks and have to wait all sr another three weeks for a scan . Plus they only did one blood test on me . I might request another one! I have twinges every day and they are a constant worry . My mind is filled up with thoughts of what's happening . I annoy wait for my scan! Just try to stay calm .... Very hard I know as I'm struggling ❤️❤️

[Mantaray75 in reply to SarG74]

The clinic where I had the transfer always do 2 tests 4 days apart. My local consultant here suggested the one in between as I had some cramping and spotting and she knew I was worried. It was just an implantation bleed in the end.

My scan isn't until 29th.

x

[Mandy_K]

I think I am coming to end of week 5 and I too am at wit's end. I feel I am walking around on tip toes. I can have a stressful job and I have decided I am going to tell my manager. My scan is not until 2 weeks time. I have done so many tests but I know I need to stop doing them now but cant help it. I have tried to get lots of rest though so please any advice I can give anyone in similar situation is to try and rest. Maybe have early nights if not already. I know I need to get through this. This is our fifth cycle. I am not sure I could go through all this again. I am going to try and be strong and trust it will all work out.

[Mantaray75 in reply to Mandy_K]

My husband went and bought me some tests today but he said he will hide them so I don't go too mental and test constantly!

I'm 40 so I know there isn't loads more time for us to keep trying.

x

[Mantaray75]

Thanks everyone for your support. You guys are great. Feeling a bit better today and trying to be a more normal neurotic pregnant woman!

It feels so good to hear that these worries are normal. We've all been through so much to get here.

Good luck on your journeys.

x

[Daisy32]

Hi I know loads of people have replied but thought i'd say I have been exactly the same. The week after bfp I kept waking up with gut wrenching panic l have never felt before thinking I had imagined it or it was over. I have cried so many times these last few weeks! I am a bit calmer now though I Dr Google everything twinge/symptom/cramp! Xx