incomplete miscarriage dragging on

[Singershope]

Hi there, I very sadly had a miscarriage in September after being told at the viability scan that my baby had no heartbeat and had stopped developing around 6.5wks. It was from a frozen embryo transfer so I was told to stop all my medication which brought on the very painful miscarriage several days later. After this, and at the next scan I was told the miscarriage was incomplete and I was still getting bold positive pregnancy tests for ages afterwards. I am still today waiting for a period and for it to complete. Has anyone else waited more than 2.5 months for this to happen?

I didn’t want to opt for surgery as I’m too worried about scar tissue forming and it causing more fertility issues. I still don’t have my rainbow baby so I didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardise a future pregnancy.

I’m getting very fed up with it now. I have had a day of spotting two weeks ago and still nothing. Pregnancy tests are. Now negative since 1.5 weeks ago.

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar?

Thankyou 🙏🏼

[Metal1009]

Hi. Just scrolling and noticed nobody has replied to your post. It's been a while since you posted this, so I'm sure everything is taken care of, but wanted to let you know you are not alone and many of us carry these losses for the rest of our lives no matter how far along the pregnancy was. I've had losses at 7w, 10w, and most recently 12w. I think about these babies very often. In your post, you mentioned that the pregnancy tests were now negative, so that led me to believe you had passed all the pregnancy tissue (maybe without seeing or noticing much)??

[Singershope in reply to Metal1009]

Hi there, that’s so sweet of you to reply even though the post was a while back. I think I posted again later and had some replies but thankyou for replying anyway, it is much appreciated.

Yes it is now. I ended up having to have surgery on 20th Dec as unfortunately it wasn’t passing. I did some more sensitive pregnancy tests and they were still faint positive which was disappointing after seeing one go negative.

The scans revealed there was still a mass (tissue and clots) in there, so after 4 months I opted for surgery as I couldn’t move on.

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. That’s really hard and breaks my heart. I hope it’s ok to ask but have you had any positive news since or do you have any children?

I really pray you have your happy ending. I will also be trying again now!

Thankyou again and wishing you all the luck for future. I know what you mean about thinking about the babies. This was my second miscarriage.

Take care xx

[Metal1009 in reply to Singershope]

I'm glad to hear everything has sorted out since then even though you unfortunately had to have surgery. You can ask anything, I don't mind answering. My third pregnancy resulted in the live birth of my daughter, and she will be 4 years old this February. I had severe anxiety throughout that entire pregnancy, which is common for women who have multiple losses. I bought a handheld Doppler to check her heartbeat at home. For 9 months I was scared everytime I sat on the toilet that I would wipe and see blood. I never fully relaxed until giving birth to her, and even then I think my anxiety as a new mom was more severe than the average new parent. I suffered through PPD way longer than I should have before getting on meds.

I'm so sorry you've had two losses. I remember how hard it was for me to function or think about a future with a baby because by that point it feels impossible and uncertain. My recent 3rd loss was still so very hard, and I'm crying as I type this, but it also feels more manageable because I already have my daughter. I feel where you are....it's so soooo hard. Sending a hug and wishing you the best.

[Singershope in reply to Metal1009]

Oh I’m so happy to hear this but obviously she was long awaited and your little miracle. It’s. A lot of suffering some women go through until they finally have their baby. I’m the same in that I almost fear abortive pregnancy test as much as I want one. I know that I won’t ever get to feel that overjoyed feeling again to see the two lines because I will just feel like that doesn’t mean much u til the scan or I’ll be scared to be happy incase I’m let down again. If I am lucky enough to finally get to hear a heart beat, I too will be on edge throughout and after! I’m an anxious person anyway so now this has happened to me, I’m even worse.

It made me so happy to hear you have your miracle as it gives hope which is all we have when we’ve suffered losses.

Wishing you all the best with your daughter and future and I hope your PPD is now well in the past. Were your pregnancies natural/ IVF or a combination?

Thank you again. It’s much appreciated xx

[Metal1009 in reply to Singershope]

My pregnancies were natural. After the second miscarriage, it was taking almost 1.5 years of TTC and I was almost 36, so we began the process for IVF. We did the entire workup, and I was less than a month away from starting injections when I got a positive pregnancy test which resulted in the live birth of my daughter. I hoped to have another baby close in age to my daughter, but it just never happened. I totally gave up all hope, and then got a positive pregnancy test this past October when my daughter was 3.5yrs old. Even though I was nervous for another miscarriage, we also began to get excited because we had 2 good ultrasounds seeing baby and her heartbeat....but then it all suddenly ended at 12w. It's only been 2 weeks since the miscarriage, and I'm dealing with all my responsibilities but inside I'm still suffering so much and crying by myself whenever I get the chance.

[Singershope in reply to Metal1009]

Oh I’m so, so sorry. It’s just not fair at all and for others it seems to happen so quickly and easily and without any complications. Have you had any testing done to see if there are any reasons why this may have happened? I am looking into immunology issues as I do have a very overactive immune system. I’m also wondering if it could have been the fact my partner had a varicocele (with symptoms) which can cause DNA drag and cause early loss. Both my miscarriages were early losses; the first was a natural pregnancy with a loss of 5.5 weeks and then the second was from IVF (which we only did as my partner was diagnosed with skin cancer) so we had to freeze his sperms pre chemo. No one bothered to check him in detail. I now 39 so am panicking like mad.

I have done a lot for egg quality and I think it’s helped but I do have low egg numbers I think as they didn’t get many at retrieval but they also didn’t monitor me or check the protocol was right for me. It’s hard not to want answers, and then you worry you’re going down rabbit holes.

I can only imagine how much grief you must be feeling for it to get that far. I’m so sorry 😔

Were they able to say what they think may have been the cause? The specialist I was seeing said that if a baby is lost / miscarried after 10 weeks of size then they should be investigated for immunology issues. Only because it’s so much more unlikely to be chromosomal but I suppose nothing is impossible.

I am just so heartbroken for you. I’m wishing you all the healing power (not that any time can totally heal) but I pray you can have another happy ending soon. Xx

[Metal1009 in reply to Singershope]

Genetic testing was done on both my husband and self during the IVF workup and nothing was found. I opted for NIPT with this 4th pregnancy, and she was positive for t21 (down syndrome). It has been a rollercoaster of a month, physically and mentally. Receiving the t21 results immediately started my grieving process. I know, many t21 individuals can live high-functioning lives, but realistically most have severe health problems (my husband's brother being one of these individuals). We mentally began preparing for a difficult time. During the next ultrasound, they couldn't find a heartbeat, so this started our second round of grieving. I just didn't expect so much to happen in a couple weeks. To top it all off, my best friend is pregnant at the same time. She is 4 weeks ahead of me. She never experienced any pregnancy loss. It brings up jealousy and then I feel awful for being jealous. And I also wonder why so many losses for me and none for others and this brings up anger. No one in my family or friend circle can relate to what I'm going through, and so I find myself connecting with strangers online. I'm grateful for this online platform and for you, but sometimes it would be nice to have this type of conversation in person with a family member or friend 😢

[Singershope in reply to Metal1009]

I am so sorry to hear this and that is an awful thing to discover. It seems so unfair that the pregnancy went on that long when it’s this type of thing. Such a very difficult situation and I do find that unless you’ve been through it, you just can’t fully understand the grief! I totally understand what you’re saying and it sounds like you just had one thing after another to deal with. What I struggled with most in all of this is experiencing the grief from loss that was supposed to be your future, rather than grieving a loss of something that’s come and gone and we’ve been able to at least have time with/ experience. It’s so hard to process.

I totally understand how you feel with feeling alone, and I too am in the exact same situation where no immediate friends or family have had any issues whatsoever so also use this platform. I do have one friend (who did get pregnancy naturally and had a healthy boy) who did struggle with quite a few issues such as PCOS and possible endo so she is much more understanding of the worry and fertility issues even though when she did start trying it happened in 3/4 months but she had been told at 22 she prob wouldn’t have children which she carried into her mid thirties with no support.

It’s so hard 😢 I had to do my pregnancy test today (three weeks post surgery) and it was negative for the first time since August; this has also been so drawn out and long and unfair. They had to send off the tissue to histology and luckily it came back as no abnormalities as they thought it was possibly a molar pregnancy but wasn’t.

During all of the IVF (which we kept to ourselves) my partners brother and new girlfriend announced they were pregnant. We were all on holiday and the champagne came out and everyone was crying with happiness. I had to run upstairs and hide and it honestly felt like I’d been stabbed through the heart. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for them, but no one knew I’d lost two babies already and they were celebrating the arrival of the first grandchild, and I remember thinking, my babies will have no acknowledgment Of course I hadn’t told anyone so that’s on me, but it didn’t stop the pain.

I can relate to many of the things you’ve said and I’m just so sorry 😔

I really hope you will have your next miracle which i believe will happen. I’ve read so many stories on here of people that have been through hell and back and anyone would assume you’d give up but they didn’t and now have their baby.

It really depends on whether the person wants to keep trying but if you do, I really do wish you all the baby dust in the world! You deserve it! ❤️

[Metal1009 in reply to Singershope]

Taking that pregnancy test today must have brought up so much. I'm sorry this process has been so drawn out for you. That's really horrible. Uggghh I totally understand that baby announcement and having to run and hide. This past week at work, everyone was in the back office celebrating the arrival of a staff member's new baby that day. I could hear all the oooohhhs and aaahhhhs as they looked at photos and I just stayed in my office. My perspective of old grumpy ladies who don't like kids has really changed and now I wonder how many of them had pregnancy losses. 😞

I'm so scared to TTC again, especially since I'm turning 41 in April. I think all of these experiences have also taken a toll on our marriage. TTC really changes sex in a marriage, and then all the times these losses bring depression into our lives doesn't help matters at all. I'm really just fed up. I think I was only meant to have 1, and now I should just focus on her, my career, my art, and all the other things I love doing in life. We scheduled my husband's vasectomy for this May.... would've gotten it sooner if we could, but I think they intentionally schedule it out very far.

Sending you tons of baby dust too! ❤️🙏