How long before you coped emotionally after your mmc? Still cannot meet my pregnant friends.

[Maikata]

Hello,

I had a missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago, my little pea was much desired and stopped living at 9 weeks. Except the first week, i was fine hearing about good friends which are pregnant (they know what happened to me, so i guess it helps) but i this weekend i was supposed to meet my husband pregnant friend, and few hours before the meeting I started to panic and i felt confused, sad and angry and guilty of all those feelings all at once. We decide with my husband that i should not go, anyway it was beyond my force. I felt better and today he told me that another of his friend is pregnant and i felt angry and sad again. I should be so happy for them, especially for one that has been trying to conceive for many years but i cant. I am so sad but it is so selfish of me! How long did it take you to feel more "normal"? How long did you have to avoid or hide from pregnant friends?

[Hopeful1982]

Hello

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I've not experienced miscarriage but it did take my husband and I 2.5 years to conceive so I do understand how you are feeling. Your reaction to other pregnant women is normal, their pregnancies are a reminder of what you have lost so it can be very painful to hear other people's happy news or to be around other pregnant women. For me, this is something that has only passed now that I'm pregnant myself and I did avoid a couple of social occasions along the way when it was just to painful.

Those who conceive easily don't always understand how you feel but I suspect your husbands friend who was ttc for a number of years would completely understand!

You might find speaking to a counsellor helps you process how you are feeling and hopefully things will get easier soon.

In the meantime, take care, put yourself first, be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

Best wishes x

[Maikata in reply to Hopeful1982]

Thank you Hopeful for your nice reply, and what a lovely chosen name! I will avoid a few ladies for some time i think, and try not to feel guilty about it. And you re right, i might tell the one that ttc, when i m ready to meet. This mmc has been a great shock also because i m lucky to have a beautiful son already, which i had without trying. I never knew about how frequent these mmc are and about the many women who have a difficult time to conceive. So i should thank the stars for my luck with my son who really helps keeping my head out of the water these days!

Two years and a half is a long long time to ttc, it must have been so hard, but now you and your husband must be on a little cloud

Take care x

[Madcatlady55]

Hi malkata, please remember you are going through a bereavement. Some people don't think of it as a baby, but it was and was clearly very wanted. Take time to heal yourself and gently tell those who are pg or have babies that you need a little space at present. Those who care will understand and anyone who doesn't isn't worth bothering with. Take care x

[Tlove]

Hi Malkata, it takes a lot longer than 3 weeks to get over it. I had an early mmc on my first pregnancy and only took a week off work. But looking back, I wasn't ready and should have taken more time. I had 2 subsequent mc and took 2 weeks for each of those. On my third one, I went to counselling when I thought the pregnancy was still ok as I was so on edge. It was the best thing I ever did. You need to do what is right for you and it will take weeks, maybe months or even years to get over it. It used to hit me randomly, when I least expected it.

Walking helped to clear my head. I would go to a local ruined castle and sit there and just cry. You just have to let it all out. Most recently, it was when I was starting the IVF and someone told me a colleague was pregnant. It was awful, you want to be happy for them but you know what you've had to go through and still not have a baby to show for it.

I cannot recommend counselling enough, my husband went too but we went to separate counsellors. He needed less time than me to get over it and it's difficult for the men because they don't really understand the bond you've already formed with this little embryo. But the men do need support too. The Miscarriage Association was also very helpful. It takes time, don't worry, you're completely normal and you need to look after yourself and forget about anyone else. Be selfish if you have to be, if you're not ready, you're not ready and it's only going to make you feel worse if you force yourself into a situation you're not ready for yet.