Son age 8 developed fear of people knowing he is having a Pooh.

[Bakey08]

Hi there

As my title says my son has out of nowhere developed a fear of people knowing he is having a Pooh. This is causing him to become tearful and beg not to go to school as worried he will need a Pooh at school and someone will hear him. He won’t go on play dates as worries he will need a Pooh and worries if anyone is coming to the house and the6 know he is having a Pooh,

We have talked lots and no one has said anything he says. Before this which has been going on for about six weeks and become a big issue since return to school after the Easter holidays he has never had any issues with poohing or fearing it.

We haves discussed coughing, sneezing when poohing at school and said how everyone poohs but he can’t seem to get past this fear and it’s overruling him enjoying going to school as he always has and heartbreaking to see h8m suffering like this ❤️

Any help or advice greatly appreciated.

[Emllyn]

Hi, I’m so sorry your son is going through this and totally understand how hard it can feel.

It is a slightly different situation but my son (also 8 yrs) has a gut condition with bowel incontinence, which gives him a huge amount of anxiety over school and using the toilet/getting there in time discreetly when others are around. We have found the advice on the ‘eric’ website invaluable and the videos clips so useful in showing him that he not alone with his anxieties over toileting and that indeed it is a necessary way for the everyone’s body to clear out waste. We’ve also found stories that include poo in a fun way (whilst normalising it for all creatures) - such as the Rabbit & Bear series, useful too.

If you haven’t done so already sharing his concerns with his teacher may lessen his anxiety and they may be able to support him by giving him leave to go during a lesson time when he can be alone. My son sits right next to the door at the back of the class and puts a Lego brick on his desk to indicate he’s left the room. Alternatively, the teacher may be able to give him a ‘job’ to do when he signals to him/her in some way so he leaves the classroom under this guise.

This may seem like a odd question but is your son regular/does he go at a certain time each day? If not, you could perhaps try suggesting he has some ‘toilet time’ (time casually sitting on the toilet) each day after breakfast and evening meal to try to train his bowels into opening then to lessen the worry about whether he might need to go at school/out and about.

Just another thought - is it possible that your son could be a little constipated? Is he finding it difficult to get his poo out and feels it takes him longer than others? My daughter felt like this for a time & became a bit self conscious/ avoided using the toilet. Very possibly not, but just popped into my head!

I really do understand how crippling these kind of anxieties can be and how heart breaking it can feel to see your kid struggle in this way so I send some love and solidarity your way! ❤️

[Bakey08 in reply to Emllyn]

Hi there. Sorry it’s taken till now to reply. I am so so grateful for you taking the time to reply and provide some great suggestions. I should have said his teacher is fully aware and more than willing to support him in some of the ways you suggested are done with you’re son, how we my son dosen’t want me to tell her yet!

We are going to see how this week goes and have watched a couple of the videos on Eric this weekend that you suggested. My son seemed calmer tonight and wasn’t worrying about school tomorrow so hoping that is a good sign.

Sorry to hear what you’re son has to go through but all sounds like it is managed well and school is very supportive so that’s great to hear.

Thanks so much again.

[Beatrice81]

So sorry to hear this. My 6yo is also very self-conscious about using the toilet for a #2 at school and this contributes to the witholding and constipation issues he has. I strongly suggest you put a care plan in place with the school to ensure your boy has an opportunity to use the toilet in private or perhaps can use a separate toilet.

It's worth speaking to a teacher or school nurse so the issue is handled discreetly and doesn't cause further embarrassment.

[Bakey08 in reply to Beatrice81]

Hi there. So sorry to hear you’re little one has these worries too. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I should have said the school are very supportive but he doesn’t want me to tell his teacher. I haven’t told him I have spoke to her. We have watched a few of the videos this weekend and he seems calmer so hoping we may have made a small bit of progress.

Thanks so much again for you’re reply.