Toilet training: tips for using the potty/toilet please!

[Macqueen95]

Hi, I'm at a bit of a sticking point with our 3y 7mth son. Please bear with me, this may be a bit jumbled!....

Our toilet training journey has taken an alternative route starting with him refusing a nappy at night-time (huge risk :D) and him being dry. He still wanted no nappy next morning so thought this was the start of our toilet training journey and arranged for a bare bummed few days. (Our potty had been available for a while with no interest other than to put his toy cars in it). We had a couple of misses, and one sort-of hit (stood with his foot in it!) but next day he hung on for pretty much all day becoming increasingly uncomfortable until I insisted on a nappy and he did the biggest, and almost painful, pee ever.

Since then we've gone to cloth training pants as we've battled with stool withholding (now resolved) for the past year so don't want to risk a UTI from holding on too long. He asks for a nappy to pee/poo, which he then takes off as soon as he's finished, so he clearly knows when he needs to go. His bladder control is amazing (almost too good) and yesterday he was asking to go home from softplay rather than wet himself/use the potty/toilet (until he realised I had a nappy in his bag - nappy on, big pee, pants back on). So in his head the nappy is still for elimination. I suggest the alternatives prior to putting the nappy on but he's not having any of it. We've bought another potty (he chose it) and we also have the option of a toilet seat and step but I just can't seem to get that connection in his head. We won't even sit on them fully clothed.

So, how the heck do I swap out the nappy??? We've never used stickers/ marbles for treats so far, he's incredibly determined so not altogether sure this would work, but open to trying. I'm slightly scared of boxing up the nappies completely knowing how long he'll hold on for. Like me, he can comfortably go for 12hrs without needing to go - great for long journeys

[Hordlee]

Hi.

My daughter is 5 and we have issues regarding withholding urine. Not exactly the same, as she potty trained easily but after an accident at grandparents, regressed to not using the potty there, to eventually regressing to only using the potty at home with me. She can hold on all day whilst I am at work. The health visitor suggested making the bathroom an appealing environment, use neutral language etc, but once I had removed the potty, I was not to give in and give it back. This was the worst advice. My daughter refused to use the toilet and held on for 27 hours. At this point, I was so worried as to what damage this would cause to her kidneys or bladder I 'gave in' and let her use the potty. I then relaxed all pressure surrounding the toilet for several months as I thought that had been a rather traumatic experience and then paid for a private children's occupational therapist to visit me without my daughter present. She then wrote me a detailed plan and it enabled me to transition my daughter from urinating on her potty to a potty shaped like a toilet and then the toilet. I still can't get her to poo on the toilet or urinate anywhere else rather than home but recently I have been working on getting her to wee more independently, with me not in the bathroom.

Anyway, enough about me. I think your son is similar in that he will push against something forceful- e.g. refusing to give him nappies. I think he will respond much better to positive reinforcement. I would say decide on a reward/ treat system you are comfortable with - stickers with his favourite characters on, small chocolate coins or whatever you want that will be motivating. Buy some cheap toys that stay in the bathroom - include bubbles and some things he likes. Play with him with the toys and really be over excited playing with them, but only in the bathroom.

Decide if it is the toilet or potty you want to use and do silly, funny things with it. E.g. if it is the toilet, stick eyes and a mouth on it, pretend the toilet is thirsty and wee is a drink. Make sure he sees you and Dad using the toilet. Do things like put cpkoured water in the toilet or some bubble bath or shaving foam to make him laugh abput the toilet. Make sure there is a lot of laughter surrounding being in the bathroom and using the toilet/potty as laughter will relax him and ease anxiety. After a few days of this, go in with nappy on, play with toys and try and get him to sit on fully clothed/nappies on the potty/toilet. Reward him with your reward system for sitting on it for even just half a second and be crazily excited and happy. Explain that rewards are for sitting and practising - don't put pressure on him for actually having to see. Even make up a potty dance, singing and wiggling your bum for when he sits for a brief moment! These are all things that worked with me, causing lots of laughter. Repeat this, rewarding for the most tiny of steps, sitting for a second, for a few seconds etc. When he is able to sit and chat, play with bubbles on the potty/toilet for a while, he may wee in the nappy whilst sitting on it. (Blowing bubbles encourages releasing wee). Again rewards and big excitement. Then when he is comfortably doing this a few times, make the nappy a little looser, and keep on, until gradually he is weeing on the potty/toilet with the nappy on but not tabbed up. Then, gradually open the nappy wider and wider, then begin to gradually push into the potty/toilet. When he is happy, weeing onto the nappy that is sitting at the bottom, start cutting it until the pieces of the nappy are smaller until eventually he wees without it in there.

It all sounds good in theory, and so simple and unfortunately it isn't and it will be a long process but you will get there. The occupational therapist's advice of being absolutely over the top and crazy in happy, silly behaviour in the bathroom, along with picking a treat from her treat bag was honestly the key for my daughter. And, rewarding those extremely small steps. Sorry for the long post! Hope it is of help and please feel free to ask more questions or let me know how you are getting on. X