I don't know if there's anyone who understands but I'm running out of ideas and hope!
Since Year 3 my 8 year old boy has been too embarrassed to go to the loo at school and now at home! When I ask him if he needs the loo or has had an accident he lies to me. We did a reward scheme where every time he had a poo he got a reward which was working until he got bored of the rewards and now hes gone back to having accidents.
He says he would rather poo his pants then go to the loo as he seems to think its less embarrassing as nobody notices. Hes quite happy to wash his pants afterwards but obviously gets very upset when you make him go sort himself after having an accident.
He refuses to go to the doctor and doesn't like talking about the problem. All he wants is to do is ignore the whole situation and pretend its not happening and doesn't understand why we're making such a big deal about.