Soiling issues

[darkdart]

My recently adopted daughter who is turning 11 in a few days has toileting issues, I am not sure how to deal with this or what to do as she seems extremely embarrassed about going to the doctor and I'm not sure if it's been long enough to trust me with something that big and embarrassing yet, can anyone help??

[JamesParkin]

You might want to consider my book 'A Girl Like You' for girls aged 6 to 12 who soil, which many parents have said has helped them to start a conversation with their child about their soiling: bigredsock.com/a-girl-like-...

[Georgina1475]

Have you got a social worker helping with the transition? Or support workers that she has a report with. Only I was wondering if they can feedback to the doctor if she isn't ready to open up and get paediatrics involved that way.

Do you know if this is a long standing condition for her or could it be the changes she's experiencing at the moment.

In the mean time get her sitting at the same time daily 20 mins after food is a good time just to get the systems in place to let the body know what it should be doing.

Make sure she's getting enough fluid through the day and not with food as it dilutes the digestive enzymes.

I come from fostering and know this can be a difficult time for everyone and a delicate age to have these problems. I wish you both all the best.

[emmasue]

Try not to let it be an issue. It is just something that happens and let her know that she shouldn't be embarrassed about it. Maybe let her know that there is help from the GP is she wants it, but let her ask for help when she is ready. My 8 year old daughter has started using pads to help with soiling and this allows her to control the issue herself a bit more. She doesn't need me as much as she used to. It might be something you can talk to her about. Try to make it a relaxing and natural topic and not something to be ashamed about. I hope you are able to for a bond of trust with her to help her through this. x

[SallyandPaul]

You have such good advice from Georgina and Emmasue that I can't add much. Just to say that after fostering for many years we adopted a little girl who has the same issues. A bit different because she was only 13 days when she came to us. She is now 8. Could you initially go on your own to see the GP and have a chat with them? Reassure your daughter that this is very common and you can help her to sort it out. Congratulations and good luck with this problem. It's a tricky one but there is help out there. Xx

[Brun]

My daughter is adopted too, and in my experience DO NOT be guided by the social workers on this- they really don't get it. Find out from them what has been done before. Go to the gp without your daughter in the first instance to talk to them about it and ask for referral to your local continence team asap- they might be able to help. I don't know where you are but some teams have access to psychologists who can support particularly the older children.

My mistake was to listen to the social workers for too long (reward charts, it'll get better when she settles down, parenting courses) and not get professional help soon enough which means that in many ways we have missed the boat with her and are now fighting against ingrained behaviour and struggling for referral to experts as everyone thinks her issues are just due to her adoption.

[FranAdam]

Social workers do not get continence in my opinion! If she is too worried to talk to someone, send me a message with her symptoms and I will see if I can help.