Soiling and starting school!: My son is 4 and is due to... - ERIC

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Soiling and starting school!


My son is 4 and is due to start school in September, he has suffered with constipation since birth, told the school he suffered from and yesterday they call to say they will not change him if he soils as its not their job! I do understand what they mean but just feel its not really helping the situation and now its too late to make an appointment to discuss any forward planning to help him. He only turned 4 in June and now I'm not sure they even want him to start!

Bad enough seeing him this way! now I'm thinking I should keep him at preschool!

13 Replies

Have a look at your local authorities website. For two reasons, call them if necessary they maybe able to help as some LA have policies that state schools can't refuse to change children. Also he doesn't have to start in September you can delay until January giving you more time to prepare him and them for his needs. Also under the discriminations act they can't really refuse him or his problem as Incontinence is a disability. I know it's not the card you would want to play but it's worth knowing.

I delayed my sons start until after Christmas as he is a June birth and I wanted time for him to transition and time to see if I could get him soiling free. Honestly he started school still soiling but they knew what they where getting into as we had meetings by then. Don't take any cr*p. Sorry for language.

Hi, I do feel for you and we are having a similar situation. My July born 4 year old has been soiling and withholding since we started potty training last year and just doesn't get it yet. At times he's had more than 6 soiling incidents in a 3 hour pre-school session. Ultimately we decided to defer his school for a year as he's behaviourally and socially not ready but I talked to the school before making this decision and they told me that they would put in place an individual care plan and work with us to ensure he got the support he needs. Going in to change him was never mentioned and it wouldn't have been a strong enough reason to defer him alone and the school were very clear on that. As Georgina says below insist that they tell you how they will support him and I hope it all works out for you soon.

in reply to Cat07

Thanks for ur reply x I spoke to the school and deputy head who is also going to be his teacher said he will have to be able to clean himself! They will pass him a wipe but he has to be able to to clean it himself. :(

My daughter starts in september and I have told the school about it they're fine, going to sort a health care plan at the home visit in September before she starts. There's a disabled toilet and they will change her. It's a medical problem and they have to make provision, they can't refuse to change him.

Definitely talk with the school. I'm not going to lie, school's struggle with this so you have to be confident and assertive. A big thing for me (I worked in a school) is that, if the teacher is o the middle of something, kids are often told they have to wait to go to the toilet. I questioned it and was told that they can't just let 30 kids go whenever they like. Well with my daughter she can thank you very much!!! In hindsight I wish I had kept her at home longer because she ended up leaving for a while anyway. Good luck! They have to help you if it is a medical thing xx

Thanks for all ur comments, will definitely look at all suggestions and it's really comforting to know we're not alone in this xx

I just want to echo the comments of others.

The school actually has a statutory duty (law) to implement a care plan if this is an identified health need which I'm sure your G.P will confirm if needed by letter. The actual law is: children and families act 2014. Please look up on the net

I agree with all the above. Our school have been a great support to my daughter and still helped clean her, actually helped wipe her bum on the odd occasion in year 2. She is a June baby too. Her nursery dealt very badly with it all. One day I was called to pick her up and found her sitting on a bin bag in poo soiled clothes. Thankfully it was July and I never sent her back. Terrible. I complained to the board of governors.

Her school she joined in reception couldn't have been more supportive. I think schools vary hugely but I think if it's a genuine medical issue you are doing your best to deal with then they need to support your child through it.

It's so hard isn't it I remember the stress so much. I even considered home schooling my daughter if things didn't improve but thankfully it didn't come to that.

Good luck and you are in good company. X

Echo the above. Things were better for us with a diagnosis; we then got a care plan and IEP in place. The school were the able to bid for additional resources to help with the care. If you can help him clean up at home by practising with shaving foam. A full length mirror at school also helps. But this shouldnt absolve staff of helping him. Good luck! We had nightmare nursery and reception years.

in reply to Apache21

That is a great idea 💡 I will try the foam thank u x

Hi, I really do feel for you both and understand. My 5 year old daughter has also suffered from constipation since birth and she soils her pants daily. Luckily she tends to wait until she gets home from school as she seems to stool withhold. Only on the odd occasion at school has she soiled herself. They have been very supportive of my daughters needs. But last time she soiled herself at school we were contacted and asked to go in and help her clean up and change. The school should be understanding and supportive. I hope all goes well in September.

in reply to kazlanz1977

Thank u x

Gosh, I now see how supportive our school has been. My daughter has just left Reception year and her TA has had to change her countless times. My advice would be to speak to your local school nurse team, your GP can give you their number. I was put in touch with a nurse who worked with the school inclusion manager to put an intimate care plan in place so my daughter is fully supported in going to the toilet etc. I supply wipes and spare clothes. I am shocked that your school refuse. I don't think they legally can?

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