This is my first post. I'm starting hormone reduction very soon. What does "loss of desire" feel like beyond losing erections? My partner and I are afraid that I'll lose desire for her. What gets lost emotionally? We can cope with loss of erection, but will I not want sex at all? Will she still be beautiful to me? How deep does this loss go emotionally?
I need stories from others who've been there.
I'm not sure you can get much specific from any of us because the nature of relationships has so many factors; simplistically we talk about companionship, friendship, romance, sexual need, but each comprises so many other factors. Then we must factor in the "natural" changes which come with ageing even when not focused by a disease such as Prostate Cancer. You are close to retirement age, so you'll also be dealing with the changes that brings to your life. Focus on what you and your partner do to compliment each other, make each other important in the other's life. The need to have or ability to have sex may fade or end, but that does not spell the end of all the good things together.
Thank you! All very true and good advice. But let me pose the question a different way.I like to make casual physical contact with my partner a lot, in little ways including touching while sleeping. Am I going to loose being drawn to her that way?
It depends ... on lots of factors. And from my observation you might find some over which you have little control and others might take some willful exertion to maintain. But my biggest advice is to not fret and obsess over it -- those will be destructive. Communicate, accommodate, and LIVE with the realities.
My perspective is a bit different, but I think I can speak broadly to the issue of desire as you have framed it. First, I'm 82; those years have granted me some claim to wisdom. Second, around the age of 60 I chose to accept and out myself as a gay man; that was after 35 years of marriage. We are still together today after 58 years. I have been deeply involved in support for men going through that process for the last 22 years. And third, about 5 years after coming out PCa got me and slowly ruined sex as I had known it. I have been active in this forum and it's predecessors since then. The broad variety of effects on desire in each group are about the same. There's always something new to learn, but I guess I've read or heard about nearly every variation that exists on this theme. So now my wisdom: no one can (nor should) predict what might happen to themselves ... or fret about it.
For me personally, desire as you define it changed, came and went, went through phases. This held true in both the relationship with my wife and with my male partner. It remains -- in forms that suit us.
Since getting replies to my post I feel like I've given up most of my fears and fretting overnight! So grateful for your advice and wisdom 🙏.
As far as loss of function goes ... there's always fingers and plenty of toys out there to stimulate her.
Hey you should never accept "loss of function", as long as the desire for erections and intercourse and sex in general remains! As long as your libido is there, with that wonderful urge, no matter how old are ye, good sir, ye shall get the implant! And henceforth from there, ye shall possess an indominus erectus. 😇
The libido isn't there. ADT kills it dead.
Sleeping, sir! Not dead.
I went through 18 months of ADT and 8-1/2 weeks of RT. My libido learned ro adapt to the no-T environment. Yes, there is a somnombulent effect of the shots (mine were every 3 months).
BUT! if you knew you had erections on demand, would that not help wake up your sleeping libido? That's what the implant in fact does for you. Yes, the bionic penis is a reality.
Libido/desire has lessened to the point that the psychological part of sex is much less active that when I was younger. Nevertheless, my interest in women has not diminished and I have found women who are indifferent to erections and take their pleasure from touch and sexual stimulation. I have found that my partner's pleasure is very important for me and being with her intimately satisfies me in important ways despite ED and lack of ejaculation.
You can have an orgasm without an erection. Have you experienced this?
I have not, but the idea isn't new to me and I've just started seeing a proper sex therapist. Do you have some personal insights you would care to share?
I had a robotic radical prostatectomy about 10 years ago. I now have ED. I first used Cialis just as part of my rehabilitation, not for sex. then the pump, then Tri Mix. I am now 71. I have always since my surgery been able to achieve an orgasm with stimulation, even if not erect. It is different of course because there is no ejaculation. it is pleasurable however. DON'T give up! Try different things and consult with your urologist. Your mind has a LOT to do with sexual function. I know it is hard sometimes to not let ED and sexual function bother you, but thinking about it and being in that mindset, makes it worse. It takes time. Take it slow, and try to relax and feel good at whatever sexual stimulation that you try.
thanks for that encouragement.
I'm still pretty early in the process of finding my way. I'm feeling like I'm being pulled in 2, maybe 3 directions that all need attention at the same time.
There is not knowing what I am currently still capable of sexually.
There is deep grief that needs to be tended over what's already lost, and what losses are on the horizon.
And then there's the desire to enjoy the new approaches and mindsets; to let them feel natural and pleasurable.
Im not enjoying anything at the moment; at least anything recognizably sexual. There's plenty of love and acceptance with my partner which is more important than anything. We can build with that.
Where should i start from ?
caverject/aprostadil pain
ED Injectible drugs?
