scared

my boyfriend has just suffered epilepy due to accident that occured in 2008. i have never encounter the incident. I am so scared, I sleep with one eye open. Please help

[Tdevilliers]

Hi there - dont be afraid - give him support and understanding. There is nothing you can do to stop the seizure running its course. Although he may have had injury due to an accident there are triggers that stimulate the seizures. Stress often is one of these contributing factors and subconcious stress. Part of his stress may be the concern he holds about having a seizure in front of you or even losing you because of his condition. You increased worry may make him stress even more. if you love him, care about him and support him, say its all cool it lifts part of the tension. We all have some issue in life and his is epilepsy.

You and your boyfriend need to learn how to live with this condition. There are ways to identify triggers. Epilsepsy affects between 1 & 2% of the Worlds Population and in most cases, under medical & neurological supervision, can be relatively well controlled.

After every seizure he needs to think back on what occurred over the past 24 - 48 hours - what unusual occurances i.e. stress, lack of sleep, alcohol, food consumed, dehydration, etc. try to figure out a pattern of seizures. Our brains are suspended in fluid and our neurons do fire of inconsistently during a seizure - if we are dehydrated we make ourselves more susceptable to this occurring. Alcohol and some foods dehydrate us so we need to re hydrate ourselves with water either during or afterward. If he can identify a pattern he may be able to pin point possible options of avoiding future occurances.

So there are a number fo factors or contributing factors that make us more susceptable to having seizures. The injury was part of it but more can be done to improve ones lifestyle.

Keep a diary of events and see a neurologist - maybe accompany him to the appointment as part of his support.

Leading an active lifestyle can take his mind off his condition - many people with epilepsy tend to dwell on what they cannot do rather on what they can. Open up to new strengths draw attention away from the condition. I did this and when I was thinking about epilepsy, I was using those energies to help others, through my knowledge - much as I am doing now. I was also at a low point in my life, when I oneday met others with epilepsy so decided to start a support group 27 years ago. this grew and the reward and success achieved changed my life completely and perception on life. As a result I have a successful carreer and an active lifestyle.

I could talk a lot more on this subject and am considering resurecting a book, which I once started as there is a need for one in SA.

Regards

Tim

[Hidden in reply to Tdevilliers]

Thank you very much for the words of encouragement, they have made me stronger. Prior the incident he was a heavy alcohol drinker and ever since the incident he has not had alcohol. We have been reading a lot about it and I think what makes me worried and I think himself too is to bump into some realistic information, things that we did not want to know about the condition, things like sudden death and so forth. As you say there are centain things that are out of our control, all we can do is to learn to live with it positively. He has been in search for a job and we are expecting a baby, we have plans to get married in December, now that he has been told that he cannot continue with the line of work that must be stressing him even more because his line of work is what he qualifies for and studied for many years. I am committed in loving and supporting my man and I will tell him so that he can less things to worry about.

He is so stressed about finding a job, paying lobola for us to get married, and supporting the child. I have been trying to calm him down trying to show him that his health is more important than a job but its hard on him to understand. I arranged counselling for him but he does not want to go for it.

He is now keeping himself busy helping a friend that runs a small business from home but he has asked me to help him set a small business he can run to make money and keep busy.

A book is not a bad idea, I think I will be wring a book too some day.

God bless

[Tdevilliers]

Hi there

There are some harsh realities pertaining to epilepsy but remember they may not apply to all of us. Sudden Death is not as common as being killed walking accross a road and it does not apply to everyone. I only know of one person who died in her sleep and it was a night she was alone but then she had a higher frequency of complex partial seizures.

Put the negative stuff aside and your lives will be much happier. Also bear in mind that there have been massive advancements in medical technology in recent years and they continue to improve - there are surgical options and stem cell techniques being experimented on to repair brain injury, etc so we have a lot to look forward to.

You sound like a very great supportive partner, which he needs. Counselling may help him and a lot of people especially men as they try to be proud and strong and will always say they dont need the help. The modern society we live in is complex and demanding and the current times are very different that results in a lot more people turning to counsellors for assistance to root out hidden issues in cofindentiality. It may just lift a burden from his shoulders, which may ease the tension/stress, which in turn may even lower the seizure frequencies.

Im not sure what he is qualified in but he must explore all options - there may well be a gap for him to still use his qualifications.

God bless you too

Tim

[Hidden in reply to Tdevilliers]

Thank you, he has a diploma in plastic technology. He wants me to help him start his own plastic manufacturing business.

Thank you for your time.

[Tdevilliers]

Wow thats interresting - he must definitely use it and explore the options of getting something off the ground. He should try to put together a business plan and approach banks/investors/donor funds for funding the establishment. If heconcentrates his efforts on a project like this it will take his mind off his condition. Never give up!

Lots of good luck

[Hidden]

Thanks once again

[Cooks29]

Hi

I know what your boyfriend must be going through as i too have epilepsy. And what caused mine was stress. It felt like my whole world was upside down when the doctors told me what i could not do due to my epilepsy. But with the non stop love and support from my friends and family, i realized that i should stop feeling sorry for myself the whole time and that my life should not come to a complete stand still because of this. And with a attitude change and a positive out look on life, it felt like i was a brand new person and i could not wait to live my life and do the best that i could. And i managed to achieve all my goals one step at a time. And i went to a homeopath to help me with my epilepsy and he did, and he managed to get me off my medication for my epilepsy and my seizures stopped occurring. My advice to you and your boyfriend is live your life to the fullest and with a positive out look! As well make sure that he can control his stress to prevent him from having a seizure.

[Cooks29]

oh yes - what i forgot to say that is although my seizures aren't caused by stress anymore! My seizures are caused by really heavy strobe lights. So yes even though i cant got to clubs and concerts that have these strobe lights,i wont let it affect my life

[Hidden]

It seems as if there are many contributing factors to seizures. I am happy to see your positivity, keep it up.

My boyfriend drinks every day, he drinks to get drunk and this worries me because it will affect the effect of the medication - phenytoin in his blood. He is so stubborn and he thinks alcohol will not affect his medication, because he has done chemistry at university level he comes will medical explanations trying to convince me and to be honest I don’t understand. I understand that it is not easy to just quit. I am hoping that he admits that he has a problem and work towards cutting down but I am expecting to him to understand that he is not well therefore he needs to cut down. As for counselling he refuses completely. How can I get through to the boy?

[Hidden]

I have had epilepsy for 39 years and Phenytoin is one of the medications I take. Drinking will diminish the effect of the medication in his system. He is probably drinking more as he is worried about his epilepsy, the effect it will have on his life and he now thinks that by drinking more, it will help him to forget the worries. All you can do is show your love and support. There are many causes for epilepsy, the main ones of which are stress, hormones, lighting, anxiety, watching TV, video games and more. Hopefully, he will change his attitude and realize in due course the effect that alcohol can have on one's life. Life goes on, so remain positive and keep us posted!